Positive Parenting in Action: Book Review

Image courtesy of Positive Parents.org

Positive Parenting in Action is the book I wish I had had when my oldest was a baby.  No healthy parents want to punish their kids.  Yet we know that they need guidance and protective limits.  There are some excellent books out there now on why we should choose positive parenting.  There is also an impressive amount of research that shows the dangers of punitive parenting.  The missing link for so many parents is knowing how to avoid the pitfalls of permissive parenting without using punishments.  This book fills that gap.

Most moms really don't have the time to digest a lengthy book full of theory.  Positive Parenting in Action is a concise 69 pages, 54 of which are devoted to real-life scenarios.  But those pages are packed with the essentials: an understanding of brain development and likely motivations behind the behavior, as well as a thorough, eminently practical approach to what you can do about it.

What this book is NOT:

• Fear-based.  You aren't going to be threatened with all the possible dire consequences to your child if you don't get it perfect.
• Permissive.  It doesn't just tell you to sit back and relax as your child does something dangerous or inappropriate.  It doesn't treat a child's misguided attempts to meet her needs with a pat on the head or syrupy excuses that it is just developmentally appropriate.  
• Punitive.  It doesn't set up parents as conquerors of their enemy offspring.  It doesn't encourage physical OR emotional forms of punishment.

What this book IS:

• Practical.  These are real life situations written by real life moms.  Instead of vague generalizations, you get specific examples of 42 different scenarios of 15 behavior areas--everything from safety issues, tantrums, chores and more.
• Respectful.  It respects both parent and child.
• Varied.  It doesn't prescribe a one-size-fits-all approach.  It makes allowance for individual needs and temperaments.  

I wish I could give every new parent a copy of this book.  It takes positive parenting out of the realm of theory into approachable, every day life.   Order your copy here!  And to add some more positive parenting to your day, check out their blog and Facebook page.

On a final, personal note, I have followed these authors for some time and I really believe in what they are doing.  As a follower of Christ, it comforts my heart to have sisters who understand His teachings about grace, redemption, authority and love.  I was honored to have one of the authors share a guest post on the power of speaking Biblical blessings over our children.  Although this book is for anyone and does not push a religious agenda in any way, it beautifully reflects Jesus' heart for families. 

Disclosure policy:  I received a complimentary copy of this book for review purposes.   My opinions are honestly shared here, and are not a paid endorsement.

The Power of Words--Guest Post by Becky Eanes of Positive Parenting: Toddlers and Beyond

Image credit: edenpictures on Flickr

The Bible has much to say about the power of our tongues. As parents, we have an incredible opportunity to build our children up and to speak blessings into their lives, but so often we fall into the habit of constantly correcting our children or having sharp tongues when we speak to them. When we nitpick, find fault, and criticize our children, we destroy their self–image, and with our negative words, we will open a door, allowing the enemy to bring all sorts of insecurity and inferiority into our child's life.  Such negative words will cause our children to lose the sense of value God has placed within them.

There are many verses in Proverbs relating to the power of our words.  Here are a few.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.  Proverbs 18:21

There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18

Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. Proverbs 16:24

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit. Proverbs 15:4

Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.  Proverbs 17:27

It’s interesting that Romans 12:14 tells us: Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.

If we are to bless those who persecute us, how much more so should we bless our children? I believe our parenting will be profoundly impacted if we study on these scriptures as it relates to how we talk to those whom God has entrusted us with.

Ephesians 4:29 (ESV) tells us: Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Let us be reminded to encourage and build up our children, to intentionally look for and point out their good qualities. Let us be reminded to guard the words that come out of our mouths, that they may only be used to build them up and give them grace.

Psychology is catching up with what the Bible has already taught us, that if we continually speak negative words to our children, their self-concept will be adversely affected.  They see themselves as they believe we see them, and they behave according to that self-concept. 

If we choose to discourage our children, to speak negativity and destruction into their lives, we will give an account to the Lord.

I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak. Matthew 12:36 (ESV)

With authority comes responsibility, and we have the responsibility as the spiritual authority over our children to make sure that they feel loved, accepted, and approved.  Speak blessings over your children daily. Words are powerful both for the one who speaks them and the one who receives them.

Saying a blessing out loud empowers our children to step into their calling. This intentional act has the power to transform their lives and set them on the right path.  Ask God to give you the exact words to share with each of your children, and make time each day to speak this blessing over them. The blessing may look like this:

I bless your life as I know you will become a wonderful woman/man of God. I bless your mind to remain sound and for you to have wisdom and discernment in all decisions. I bless your mouth where words of truth and encouragement will flow. I bless your heart to remain loyal to God’s will for your life. I love everything about you, and I am proud to be your mother. You bless our family and your friends in so many ways.

When we start speaking this over our children, I believe we set them up for success.  No matter how young or old your children are, you can bless them with your words. You can bless them in the crib or bless them when they bring their families to visit you at Christmas.  As their parent, your words are powerful regardless of their age.

***********************************************************

Becky Eanes is the founder of positive-parents.org and Positive Parenting: Toddlers and Beyond on Facebook. She lives with her husband and 2 young sons. She is also one of my heroes.  My family and I have been incredibly blessed by the grace and truth in her writings, and I am so very honored to have her share this post.  <3

The Not So Top 10

For a couple of years, I only had about 12 regular blog readers (and I am so grateful for you!  You are beloved friends who helped me to keep writing.).  Then things took off this last year, thanks to the generosity of some of my fellow bloggers.  I am so honored by all of the blog views and comments--you all rock!  And I wanted to share a few posts that I like, even though they are not the most commonly viewed ones.  They were all written before 2011, so I am hoping that you may find some that you haven't seen.  :)

1.   Shame Off You!

2.  My Favorite Perfume

3.  Languages of Love and Punishment

4.  Jesus Wept

5.  Why Christians Should Breastfeed in Public

6.  Scrubbing Toesies in Foreign Languages

7.  Shall We Dance?

8.  Is it Ever Bad to Be Polite?

9.  Misadventures in Parking

10.  His Banner Over Us is Love

It's a Lifestyle, Not an Event

". . . gentle discipline is a lifestyle not an event. People have said 'we discipline like this' and then described how they spank, give time outs, enforce consequences, etc. I have realized that discipline is about teaching, and we teach our children every moment of every day." ~ SonshineMama via Gentle Christian Mothers

When we first began to look at gentle discipline, I was full of panicky questions.  "What about this?  But what if they still don't do what I want them to?  Then how do I handle this?"  Looking back now, a couple of things stand out to me.  I still saw discipline as an event.  A "consequence" to a specific situation.  And I still thought it was about controlling my child's behavior, just in a nicer way. 

Over the years, my perspective has changed.  It isn't an event anymore.  It is a way of life.  And it isn't just about parenting.  It is for all my relationships. It applies to my marriage, my coworkers, my students, my friends--anyone who is part of my life.  So what does it look like?

Image credit Walking Geek on Flickr

Connection, not competition.  Instead of seeing others as opponents and viewing interactions as winning and losing, I need to focus on the relationship.  My kids aren't adversaries, and I don't have to view anything as a battle.  No one has to lose.  Really.  If we are on the same team, then I can focus my energy on what works best for *everyone* involved. In a disagreement with my husband, with a friend, or anyone else, this still holds true.  If I direct my attention to our relationship, it is amazing how many little things resolve themselves.  Even for boundaries that must be marked out and enforced, when it is within the framework of loving connection it allows so much more harmony and peace.

Looking for the unmet need behind the behavior.  Whether it is a child in the middle of a meltdown, a stranger who is less than courteous, a cranky spouse, a manipulative mother in law--if you can see the motive behind the actions, it is much easier to respond with grace.  Unacceptable behavior is always about someone trying to meet their own needs in an inappropriate way.  "Punishing" them for it with our own unacceptable behavior doesn't help.  If you know what the root cause is, you may be able to find a better way to help them meet their needs.  Maybe they need to feel connected?  Heard?  Maybe they just need something as simple as a snack or a breather.  Maybe they are exhausted, afraid or stressed out?  Perhaps they feel out of control of other areas and are trying to compensate?  Even if it isn't a need that you are able to meet, identifying it can help you deal with the symptoms.

Clear communication is an essential part of gentle discipline and gentle living.  And for most of us, it is like learning a whole new language.   It starts with eliminating unhelpful patterns that only alienate others.  Then it involves learning how to identify and clearly express what we *do* want and need.  As parents, we learn that shaming, vague instructions and merely telling them what not to do (instead of alternatives that would work better) aren't effective ways to communicate with our children.  They don't work well with adults, either.   Honesty is important, too.  If you imagine that gentleness means a sugary, artificial passivity while others wreak havoc, you are wrong.  Lying to ourselves and others doesn't help anyone.  Nonviolent communication is an amazing book.  I really can't recommend it enough. 

Protecting ourselves and others.  At its core, gentle discipline is about respect for healthy boundaries--theirs and ours.  We need to take responsibility for ourselves, and not give others power over us that should not belong to them (they can't handle it appropriately, anyway).   We must own our words, feelings and actions.  Then we must allow others to own their words, feelings and actions.  If you have been conditioned to avoid conflict, it seems at first much easier to just do your best to please everyone until you collapse or explode from the burden.  I think that for women, especially, this is a model that many of us have grown up with, and establishing a new pattern can seem daunting.  The thing is, conflict will eventually come, regardless of our efforts to avoid it.  We cannot make other people happy.  Allowing them the right to experience and learn how to handle their own feelings is essential, whether they are three or thirty.  Happy is not the only acceptable emotion, but expressing other feelings without hurting the people around us takes knowledge and practice.

Image credit williamcho on Flickr

Smell like love.  Each of us creates our own atmosphere.  Like a perfume, peace in our hearts emits a fragrance that influences everyone around us.  When I am anxious, edgy or upset, all of my family members pick up on it. And if you have ever been around someone who tried to mask BO with a heavy dose of perfume, you know that covering up unpleasant odors doesn't work! 

If the air around us stinks, it is a signal to look at our own unmet needs.  Maybe there is fear from past events that haven't fully healed.  So often when we begin to look at others' actions through a lens of grace and see the needs driving their behavior, it alerts us to our own needs that we have been trying to meet in unhealthy ways.  I want my life to radiate love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, trustworthiness, gentleness and self-control.  But those fruits don't spring out of nowhere--they must be planted and nurtured in my life.  Weeds that would choke them out or stunt their growth need to be pulled.

So I am in the process of moving toward a life full of grace.  Not a series of discrete events.  Not just as a form of discipline.  Not just for my children.  I am not there yet, but I am excited about the journey.  When I first began the road to gentle discipline, the writings of Crystal Lutton helped me tremendously.  Her book, Biblical Parenting, answered so many of my questions and gave me a new way of looking at a lot of things.  While mulling over this whole idea of Grace Based Living, I found that her book on that is available on Kindle.  I am going to get it today.  :) I am so excited about intentionally learning and growing in a lifestyle of grace, and so thankful for all of you who are joining me.  <3

Disclaimer: Crystal Lutton and the Gentle Christian Mothers message board have been an amazing source of inspiration, help and grace in my life.  However, we are all individuals and I do not speak for them.  I am sure that there are some posts of mine that they might disagree with.  Feel free to attribute any good stuff to their influence, and stuff that is not so good is probably my own.  ;)   I don't have enough words to express how incredible these ladies are or how much they have blessed my family, so instead I would just invite you to join GCM and see for yourself.  <3

Growing Smarter Children--Guest Post from Shelley Joy

Image credit familymwr on Flickr

I have learned many things throughout the years working with children and families. I have never met a parent who did not want his child to be smart and to do well in school. This unanimous goal holds true regardless of the socio-economical, cultural, educational, professional, or geographical differences within families. Each of us wants to raise bright children who do well. And who wouldn't want their child to do be successful, smart, and self-reliant?

An almost universal conviction is our children are a reflection of ourselves. We must keep our children clean. A dirty and unkempt child is a sign that, somehow, we have failed as parents. This is not necessarily so!

When I worked as an early childhood educator and administrator, parents would often complain of how dirty their child was at the end of the day. They were splattered with paint and glue and often times their feet were encrusted with mud between their toes. Even the most stalwart parent would cringe at the sight of their messy child!

There is a secret formula to "make kids smart." Let them get dirty! To the parents who expressed their desire for smart children, I would say, "I can make your child smart, but you have to let me let them get dirty! I can make them just a little smart and let them get a little dirty, or I can make them really smart and let them get a lot dirty. It is your child and definitely your choice."

Children learn best through play. It is their work! And play is often dirty, messy work. Play enables children to progress naturally through the developmental stages necessary to acquire reading and writing skills in school, as well as the important socio-emotional skills required to become successful and self-reliant students. Child initiated play, supported and facilitated by loving adults, is the single most important factor in early childhood learning.

Image credit nowviskie on Flickr

Children learn by doing
Children need years of play with real objects and events before they are able to understand the meaning of symbols such as letters and numbers. Learning takes place as young children touch, manipulate, and experiment with things and interact with people. Throughout early childhood, concepts and language gradually develop to enable children to understand more abstract or symbolic information. Children learn by manipulating their environment and materials, and the messier the better!

Activities should be open-ended, meaning there is no right or wrong way to use materials. Children are their own best teachers through the process of "doing," with the focus on process rather than product. Any activity that stimulates one dimension of development and learning affects other dimensions as well.

Mud, sand, and water along with cornstarch and water, are excellent open-ended materials. Combine these materials with regular household items such as spatulas, whisks, plastic measuring cups and bowls, and nature's finest learning materials turn into imaginative creations of expression and creativity.

Crayons, markers, paper, and glue are other open-ended materials that, combined with buttons, glitter, colored salt, and old magazines, make astonishing collages that are process-oriented.

Make a bowl of pudding and finger paint. The texture of pudding makes smooth and practical finger paint for young children. Add food coloring or a scented flavoring extract, like vanilla, almond, or citrus for a heightened sensory experience.

Preschool-age children enjoy the smooth, soft, and fluffy feeling of shaving cream as finger paint. Allow your preschool child to paint directly on the kitchen table if you desire. Shaving cream is easy to clean and leaves the room smelling fresh.

Using real household items, rather than child size plastic replicas, gives value and integrity to children's projects. Children enjoy, and also learn, by doing "real" work. Mortar and pestles for grinding, scrapers for scraping, wooden spoons for stirring, and wire whisks for whisking, make excellent "toys" for children.

Image credit david.james55 on Flickr

Fresh herbs, cinnamon sticks, cornmeal, and dried flowers are wonderful for grinding, scraping, and stirring. Children learn by using their senses: Imagine the smell of freshly ground herbs, cinnamon, and flowers! Simply add water, and you have a new "recipe" for success.

Garage sale pots and pans are excellent for "cooking" and recipes for learning. Just as easily, pots and pans also magically turn into the basics of a rhythm band.

Dollar store gardening tools that are not sharp, such as hand trowels and scoops, make excellent and long lasting sand toys and are great for digging worms.

Save old food boxes, cartons, and packages for children to use as props for their "house." When they begin to become worn and torn, as they will, throw them away and provide new ones.

Take a walk with your child in the rain, jump in a mud puddle, take off your shoes, and feel the mud between your toes!

Ordinary dish soap in a wash pan with water makes an excellent base for bubbles. Bubbles are joy-filled and magical. Use wire whisks, straws, strainers, and even your own hands to create different sized bubbles and a delightful "science" project. Dish soap in a small wading pool with water and a hula-hoop will add magic to any hot summer day and you'll have the entire neighborhood begging for more.

Real and authentic experiences are remembered. They are integrated into the very heart of the child simply because they are real. Authentic experiences are child-powered, not battery powered. They are experiences that integrate concrete, real-life experiences that are the key to motivated, meaningful learning in kindergarten and the primary grades. You say you want smart children? Let them play and get dirty!

Shelley is the author of Little Bird You are Perfect and numerous articles on parenting and enjoying life.  You can also find her on Facebook, where she is offers up encouragement and inspiration.  <3  I am so grateful for her voice of peace, love and joy in my life! <3

The Gift of Surrogate Grandparents--Guest Post by Darla Haas

I am so honored to share this post from a lovely lady who has been special to my family for many years!  I am also unspeakably grateful for the incredible richness I have received in grandparents and surrogate grandparents.  They have added so many beautiful memories, and a wealth of spiritual blessing and wisdom.  I am so thankful that my children are also able to spend time with their grandparents.

Darla with her newest grandbaby, Katie

My paternal grandmother died while my dad was still a young man serving in the Air Force and before he had met and married my mother so I never knew the woman from whom I inherited my blue eyes and dimpled cheeks.  My grandfather later married a woman who either lacked the desire or the willingness to deal with small children; subsequently memories of being with that set of grandparents is virtually nonexistent.

      

On the other hand, the distinct personalities of my maternal grandparents are etched firmly in my mind but because we lived across the country from them most of my childhood those cherished visits were not nearly as frequent as we would have liked.

       

This distance, physical with one set of grandparents and emotional with the other, left a carved out void which a wonderful elderly couple would later fill.  I had no idea at the time what an invaluable gift I was being given and what an important contribution these two were making to the foundation of my beautiful childhood. 

        

My younger sister and I spent countless hours on this couple’s small farm helping with chores, playing with the animals, making mud pies outdoors and child-sized biscuits indoors, chasing butterflies and fireflies in the summer and gathering firewood in the winter.  We slept in goose down feather beds, drank warm milk flavored with coffee from real china cups and saucers, explored antiques in the attic and retrieved canned goods from the cellar.  We rode Nellie, the old farm horse bareback, rode the tractor on occasion and rode into town on Saturdays to visit the feed mill.  Sound like an idyllic experience for a child?  You bet it was!

       

After I had three children of my own and witnessed the exquisite delight both sets of grandparents found in them and the special place these adults had in the minds and hearts of my offspring I knew how important my set of “adopted” grandparents had been in supplying that same experience for me.

      

Although some of you reading this are lucky enough to have the support and involvement of grandparents in your children’s lives, others are not.  Much of this modern day estrangement has more to do with job related displacement than complicated emotional issues.  But whatever the reason for its absence I have deep regret for those not able to relish and realize the joy of grandparents.

      

My reason for writing this article, however, is to encourage you and open your mind to the possibility of finding a surrogate grandparent for your child.  This is a blessing that can definitely benefit both ways.  Several years ago my family made a job related move to Anchorage, Alaska.   My mother, who was widowed and extremely attached to our children, was devastated.   While I knew this move was the best thing for our family, I also worried about Mom being lonely in our absence.

      

One day as my mother sat down with her Bible, she absentmindedly opened it and her eyes fell upon Psalms 68:8 “He places the solitary in families”.  She began to weep as she told the Lord how alone she felt with us 2,000 miles away and how she missed the frequent interaction with family.   A few weeks later she met a wonderful family with whom there was an instant connection.  They had two children who were desperately needing a grandmother figure in their lives and my mom had a ton of grandmother love to give!  Theirs became a beautiful relationship which has lasted to his day.  Those “grandchildren” are now parents themselves and though Mom has since moved to another state they maintain contact through letters, cards, pictures, phone calls and even an occasional visit.

      

God places people in families for a reason.  It’s a place where we feel celebrated, accepted, wanted and loved.  It’s the soil that nurtures us as we grow into everything God Our Creator intended for us to be.   Grandparents are like special nutrients in that soil.  They can boost a child’s self-esteem, add an enhanced sense of security, delight in each small accomplishment and because they often live life at a more relaxed pace than a child’s parents, can sometimes offer relief in our much hurried world.

     

 Perhaps life has gifted you with this wonderful asset for raising your children.  If not, may I strongly suggest that you go to the Lord on behalf of your children and make a request?    Scripture says that God loves to give good gifts to His children.  And from my experience a surrogate grandparent is a good gift indeed!

   

 *********

I graduated with a teaching degree from Murray State University with a major in English and a minor in Spanish.  I've taught in 3 states:  Texas, Kentucky and Indianna, but mainly have been a stay-at-home mom. 
I've always been very involved in women's ministry and in various community activities wherever we've lived.  Here in Little Rock I've served on the Board of Directors of Women and Children First, a shelter for battered and abused women and their children and have directed various efforts and programs there.  I also was on the board of Second Genesis, a program for women exiting the prison system and trying to re-enter society.  I taught parenting classes for that group and mentored several of the women one-on-one.  My passion is to encourage women in their roles as wives, mothers and friends and to help enhance their sense of worth and to appreciate their own individuality. I'm married to Dr. David Haas who has a private practice in psychiatry and in addition works with a number of youth ranches that house children who have been removed from unstable or unfit homes.  We have 3 married children, 2 grandbabies and a third one on the way.
My hobbies are travel, cooking, reading and sometimes doing guest blogs for really special people!

    

Book Review--Canary Island Song

I have been a fan of Robin Jones Gunn for many years, and couldn't wait to read her latest book, Canary Island Song.  I confess, I am not a big fan of most Christian fiction.  Sometimes I really disagree with the shaming messages.  Other times, I just suspect that the lousy story was excused because of a superficial religious cloak.  Robin Jones Gunn is not in that category.  Her stories are real, and they are filled with hope and grace.  Canary Island Song is no exception.

Carolyn has spent the last seven years since her husband's death trying to hold things together for the rest of her family.  She steps into a new season of life with a trip to the Canary Islands to visit her mother.  While there, she encounters Bryan Spencer, the first guy to whom she ever gave herself.  As she heals and grows, she learns to dance from the stomach up, living life fully and openly.

I love the richness of relationship shared by all these women.  They celebrate each other, and eventually, themselves.  The lovely friendship between Carolyn and her daughter Tikki reminds me of Sally and Sarah Clarkson.  These Women of the Canaries are true Sisterchicks, and the way they interact reminded me of the amazing women God has placed in my life.  This was my favorite part of the book.

One of the themes throughout Robin's books is sexual purity.  I love the way Carolyn's mother responds when Carolyn finally opens up about her night on the beach as a teen with Bryan Spencer.  The love and grace are a beautiful portrayal of how Jesus responds to us.  Few authors can walk the line of a Christian perspective on sexual purity without shaming, and Robin does it with grace. 

Each chapter opens with an appropriate Spanish refrán, which I enjoyed tremendously.  There were a couple of places where I had minor quibbles with some of the Spanish phrases used by the characters, but the character portrayals were brilliant.  In particular, Tía Freida was spot-on, and I could easily imagine the tías, abuelas and other beloved women in my life in these Women of the Canaries.  I especially loved the lesson of the flamenco, and the tradition of congratulating women who show themselves a kindness.  The food descriptions were great, too!  :)

Fans of the Christy Miller books will enjoy getting to see Todd's dad starring in his own romance.  While the fulfillment of the early promise in Bryan and Carolyn's relationship is charming, it never takes away from Carolyn's journey of healing, and discovering the depths of God's love and freedom.  It has all the realness and sweetness of tropical fruit ripened on the tree.

This book has some important messages, but they are woven in so effortlessly that it remains a light and easy read.  If you are looking for a book to take to the beach, or just to make you feel as though you have been to the islas, Canary Island Song will bring a lovely ocean breeze and a happy melody to your heart.

Disclosure:  I received a complimentary copy of this book for review purposes.  My opinions are completely my own. 

Lead by Example--Guest Post from The Hippie Housewife

Cynthia is the mother of two little boys, an inquisitive preschooler and an energetic toddler. She blogs at The Hippie Housewife, where she shares her thoughts on attachment parenting, natural living, life as a Jesus-follower, and more, all tied together through her journey towards a more intentional life.

Image credit storem on Flickr

Lead by example.

It's well-worn advice, but well-worn for a reason: It's good advice. We should never underestimate the power of our example. Our children, our husbands, and others can all be affected - positively or negatively - by what we model in our lives.

There is perhaps no area this applies to more than that of parenting, particularly for those of us who choose to use gentle discipline as we raise our children. How might this play out in our lives?

We can lead our children by our example. Our children look to us for cues and guidance. What do they see? Would we want them to model their lives after our own? Consider these three major areas:

• Personal life: Knowing that our children are watching should give us pause to examine our priorities and habits. Do they see a life of self-discipline or one of chaos? Do they see and hear us meditating on Scripture as we go about our day? What holds our attention and takes up our time? Even the way we make decisions and resolve conflict can be examples for our children. Narrating our decision-making process out loud allows them to hear how we work through a decision or conflict from start to finish.
• How we relate to others: Our children observe the way we relate to others as well. Do we intentionally seek to build community? Do we maintain firm, healthy boundaries in our lives? Do we extend grace and compassion, or do our children hear us criticizing others at every opportunity?
• How we treat our children: Children learn what they live. The way we treat our children becomes the basis upon which they view themselves and interact with others. Our actions and attitudes towards our children should model God's love for them. Do we demand perfection from them while excusing our own weaknesses? Do we offer forgiveness when they do wrong, and ask their forgiveness when we wrong them? Do we treat them compassionately and offer them grace when they need it? What do our words, actions, and attitudes tell our children about their Heavenly Father?

We can lead our husbands by our example. When I am parenting with intention, my husbands adopts those same gentle perspectives and tools. Unfortunately, this works both ways. Without fail, the minute I start being harsh with our children, my husband follows suit. My words come out of his mouth. My attitudes become glaringly apparent in the way he acts towards the boys. Good or bad, he picks up on the way I treat our children. Like it or not, a mother truly does set the tone for her household.

Many a father will balk at the idea of gentle discipline. And yet our husbands will hear us when we use positive scripts with our children and they will see the gentle discipline tools we use. They will also see how the children respond and the fruit it brings forth both in them and in our relationships with them. More often than not, the reluctant father will begin to follow suit in time. A quiet "leading by example" approach is often far more effective than a direct theoretical discussion.

We can lead others by our example. The best way to advocate for gentle discipline is to live it. A consistent, calm response to our children's behaviour will be noticed by those around us. Rather than "parenting to the crowd", focus on your child and parent them. Let your fruit speak for itself.

At the same time, we must remain humble enough to look to the example of other experienced mothers. Another gentle-minded mother can be an invaluable role model, sounding board, and encouragement. Seek the support and wisdom of others who hold the same values you do.

Begin by following Jesus' example for us. All of this should be rooted in a firm and sincere desire to ultimately follow Jesus' example. Jesus welcomed children and lauded their unquestioning faith. He spoke life-giving words of encouragement to the hurting. He gave thanks to the Father in all things. He reminded us that whatever we do for the "least of these", we do for the Lord - feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, caring for the sick. He commanded us to love God and to love others as ourselves, and His ministry on earth serves as a model for just that.

Live your faith, model your values, and lead by example.

In what ways do you find your example leads those around you?

Finding the Balance--Guest Post from Little Bird You are Perfect

Image credit nerdcoregirl on Flickr

Finding the Balance

For many years, I made a yearly trek to San Diego for my summer “fix” to beat the Arizona heat. Each year I would seek out a gentle fellow who spent his days at Sea Port Village on the rocky portion of the beach using rocks and boulders of all shapes and sizes to make formations. He spent hours and hours of each day balancing enormous boulders atop of very small stones in what all seemed to be a mish-mash of shapes, sizes, and textures. What he was doing seemed an impossible feat. It also seemed an impractical task! How could he balance these unwieldy rocks and why? One day, in the middle of the normal hustle and bustle of day-to-day life, his vocation and message became increasingly clear to me.

The secret to a successful life, of managing all of the impossible tasks of parenthood, the obstacles, the odd assortment of delays, challenges, frustrations, and the simple daily trials of parenting, was in FINDING AND MAINTAINING THE BALANCE. This is what made this rock building man successful at what he was doing. He had clearly found the balance in what seemed like an impossible task. In order for us as parents to be truly successful in everything we do, it is imperative that we find the balance and harmony in our daily lives.

Finding and maintaining the balance in our everyday lives sometimes requires conscious choices and making changes within our lifestyles. There are many ways to make these changes by simply incorporating them into daily routines.

• When playing with my child, I purposely created stimulating times as well as, times that were soothing. This freed me from the having to make and keep rules about being too wild, getting the house too messy, or monitoring the “loud factor”. It also provided me with the tranquil times to honor the peace within me and to recognize the gentleness of my daughter’s own peace.
• I made the time to appreciate myself the way I appreciated others. Candle-lit bubble baths often seemed to help me realize how special I really was!
• I began to plan times for messy activities as well as, times to “clean up the house”. Setting a specific time for giant mess-making granted permission for both my daughter and for me, to experiment, explore, and learn about what made things tick. Sometimes, there is simply a need to just have silly fun with your children.
• I purposely took the time to appreciate and recognize my active daughter for the wonder that she was, as well as, appreciating the time she was sitting quietly.
• I made time to be with others and scheduled time to be alone. Just as purposefully as I made time to work, I found time to play. I turned off the phone during dinner and drew a sharp line of distinction between my work “family” and my home family.
• When I played with my daughter, I tried to remember the importance of both talking and listening.

It was more difficult to recognize the importance of sharing myself but not giving my whole self away without replenishing. It needs to be an ever-constant assignment for each parent to continue to practice until we get it right. Practice using yourself, without using yourself up.

I gave myself permission to know that sometimes I would be right and sometimes I would be wrong. It is all OK.

I began to allow myself and my daughter the opportunity to share ALL emotions; finding the balance of appropriate and harmful displays of those emotions.

I tried to remember to pay special recognition of my child’s joy, but also tried to take time to recognize a poignant or wistful time too.

I enjoyed those occasions that I was able to teach my daughter, and equally, if not more, cherished the times I had to learn from her.

Years passed until I had the opportunity to look again for the steady and balanced builder in Sea Port Village. To my personal disappointment, I discovered he was no longer there. I can only believe that he finally found his perfect balance and did not need to sit down in his rocky alcove anymore.

Finding my own perfect balance continues to take practice and is a highly personal experience. What worked for me as a young parent has shifted, changed, and been modified at times especially during my daughter’s adolescent years. She is now away from home; a young mommy herself. I am a Grandmother. Once again, I find the need to seek to find my own inner balance. However, I am confident, that like the gentle man at Sea Port Village, when we need to allow ourselves the time, the patience, and the opportunity, we can and do find it…somewhere under our own little pile of rocks. 

Shelley is the author of Little Bird You are Perfect and numerous articles on parenting and enjoying life.  You can find her on Facebook, where she is constantly offering up encouragement and inspiration.  <3  I am so grateful for her voice of peace, love and joy in my life! <3

Guest Post: Breastfeeding Saved My Son's Life

Hi! I am Sasha and I write about my life abundant with my husband and 7 children over at One Rich Mother.  Below is a post I originally featured on my blog and is re-posted here with my permission.  I adore the Dulce and feel honored that she would share my writing with her much loved readers.  I hope mine and my son's story helps to strengthen your own commitment to the beauty and importance of the nursing relationship. 

Breastfeeding Saved My Son's Life.

Or at least I believe so, let me explain.
Our son was born on a gorgeous June day in 2006 weighing 8 pounds 7 ounces and was 21 inches long.  He was quiet at birth but even without the strong "Hello Word It's ME!" cry that you usually hear our baby seemed perfectly healthy and took to nursing like a champ from moment one.  So it took everyone by surprise that by the time he was 6 months old he had not grown as expected.  He was a chubby little guy, but he had hardly grown in length at all.

Our son 6 months old

(sorry about the photo quality we had a really bad camera at the time)

Our pediatrician ran some test and our son was given that dreaded label no parent wants to hear "Failure to Thrive".  That night as we were preparing for bed we got a call for us to go to the children's hospital.  Our son's blood work had came back and his sodium was dangerously low, our pediatrician sounded so worried over the phone.  I asked if we could wait until tomorrow.  Her response?  "No, you dont understand how serious this is, you have to leave now, just put him in the car and go now."  We were terrified.

Once at the children hospital we were entered into a whole new world of doctors and specialist and something always in the background going beep.  We never did figure out what caused his low sodium levels but now after the birth of the twins I suspect he also had Pseudohypoaldosteronism just a less sever case. 

The doctors at the children's hospital were also concerned about our baby's lack of growth and that is when the real roller-coaster started.  We tested for one disease after another and still it remained a mystery.  Finally they suspected a brain tumor and we were told he would need a MRI. 

As you probably already know you have to lay completely still to have a MRI done so for a little guy, like our son was, you have to sedate them so they will not move during the test.  This would be the first test that either my husband or I would not be able to hold him through and it was breaking our hearts.  We went to the little waiting room they have down the hall from the machine and held him until the medication did its work and he was "under".  Handing him off to the nurse that came to get him for the MRI was one of the hardest things I had ever done up to that point in my life.

We sat nervously in the room holding hands.  My husband suggested cards, I said no, my heart wouldn't let me do anything but crave my little boy back in my arms.  Finally after an agonizingly long wait the door to the room was flung open by a frazzled nurse who quickly barked a rather unexpected question "You still breastfeed right?"  Confused I answered her yes and she grabbed me by the arm and started rushing me down the hall.  In tears I walked into a room to see my little boy motionless on the table with a team of doctors and nurses surrounding him and alarms going off everywhere.  The nurse told me to nurse my baby "You cant pick him up but lean over him and let him nuzzle you."  Crying almost hysteric I did as she told me to.  For just a moment he made no response but then his head turned to me and he made a soft little grunting noise as I put my nipple into his mouth.  He was too weak to suckle but he began to breath softly and then, like magic, the alarms stopped and everything calmed down.  I became aware that the room of doctors and nurses slowly started thinning out with several of them shaking their heads in amazement "I cant believe that worked, she was right."  The nurse just grinned as she double checked machines and straightened things back up and with a wink said "Of course I was."

Yes, she was right and I thank God for that angel of mercy and whoever it was that taught her to be so wise about the nursing relationship.  Breastfeeding is more than just a way to give your baby food, it is an unimaginable bond between mother and child.  Something so powerful that even the feel of my breast and the smell of me, his mother, was enough to, I believe, save my son's life.

*Our son did not have a tumor.  Almost a month later it was discovered my sons failure to grow as expected was due to him having Growth Hormone Deficiency, also known as Pituitary Dwarfism.

********

I am so honored and grateful to Sasha for sharing her beautiful story.  If you haven't yet checked out her blog, please do, and don't forget to like her on Facebook!  Her writings are lovely reflections of the richness of love in her heart and family.  <3

Guests of Honor

Doesn't this make you think of a warm summer evening with friends?

We have entered into the wild and wooly summer schedule now.  I am teaching 6 hours a day for the rest of the month, and then about 3 days after classes end, we are taking a new group of students to Puerto Rico for a couple of weeks for a class there.  We are using a new textbook for that class that I need to spend time with before the trip, and of course, there are all the usual things of daily life with four kidlets.  Something has to get cut, at least a little bit, and it was either family time or computer/blogging time.  Guess what I picked?

The really cool part of that is that some of my fabulous blogging friends are helping me out.  I am so excited about sharing their guest posts here, and so grateful and honored that they would do this.  These are amazing ladies full of worthwhile things to say, and I am thrilled to be able to share them here.  We have lots to look forward to!  :)

A sneak preview for you:  expect posts from Little Bird You are Perfect, The Hippie Housewife, One Rich Mother and more!  The first one will be up very soon.  :)

And, this last week I did a guest post of my own for the Tiki Tiki blog series on Becoming Mami.  It was so much fun and already I am finding new amigas who make my heart smile.

Many thank yous to my wonderful friends--I am so very honored and grateful for all of you who read here, for all of you that would write here, and most of all for your friendship.  You are a dearly loved part of my parenting community.  <3

Book Review: Thy Rod and Thy Staff, They Comfort Me, Part II

My first review of Samuel Martin's book, Thy Rod and Thy Staff They Comfort Me: Christians and the Spanking Controversy, was about my impressions of the book and a look at what the book is and is not.  In this continuation, I would like to focus more on the specific content of the book, with an overview of each chapter.

Chapter 1 deals with the Hebrew stages of child development.  There are very specific words used in Hebrew, and although at times the English has been rendered as a very generic "child" or "boy", that does not give an accurate or precise view of what it would convey to readers of Hebrew.  From my own experience with Spanish, this makes perfect sense.  Both "nene" and "joven" might be translated as "boy", but they are not at all interchangeable.  Generally speaking, a "nene" is a toddler, a "joven" is a young man.  In the same way, the Hebrew word "na'ar", which is used in the rod passages of Proverbs, is much more like the Spanish word "joven".  "Na'ar" is used for a young man, generally well over the age of 10, one who is already becoming independent.  It does not refer to a small child or to a girl of any age.  There are Hebrew words for young children, such as "gamul" (a weaned child), "taph" (generally ages 4-6), and  "elem" (pre-adolescence).  Yet instead, the word for a young man is used.  If you want to make the rod passages about corporal punishment, spanking would not begin until adolescence, a time when most spanking advocates suggest that you stop spanking.

Chapter 2 delves into the Jewish attitudes toward the Proverbs passages.  This is interesting, and completely ignored by most Christians.  He cites a number of well-known and respected rabbis, most of whom forbid use of a physical rod on children.  He also shows again the importance of the ages, and quotes from the Talmud to show that "a child under the age of six is not even hit lightly...the teacher tries to reach him through gentle speech."  In older children, if corporal punishment was to be used, it was considered a last resort when all other methods had failed, and even then a number of conditions must be met.  The verses in Proverbs are not viewed as a mandate to spank by Jews.

Chapters 3 and 4 focus on the context of Proverbs.  Chapter 3 refers to its legal applications. Rather than being written as timeless, cultureless wisdom for the masses, it was written for those who had a thorough understanding of the law of Moses.  Chapter 4 explores the gender focus of Proverbs.  It is a book written by men and to men.  Consider the introduction, Proverbs 1:1-5.  "to the young man (yes, that is "na'ar") knowledge and discretion".  Much of the book of Proverbs concerns warnings about adultery and other adult themes that are relevant to a young man, or "na'ar", but not to a child.  Also, while in other Biblical texts the Hebrew specifically expresses both genders (Joel 3:1), the rod verses only use the masculine form.  The context of the book as a whole simply reinforces the fact that the passages are meant to refer to young men.

Chapters 5 and 6 explore the New Testament passages.  Although the book of Proverbs is cited many times in the New Testament, none of the rod passages are ever referenced, even when parenting is addressed.  Although there are many references to physical punishment, they were nearly always done as legal punishment for crimes.  He also speaks of Jesus driving out the moneychangers, and notes that Jesus was using the whip of cords to drive the sheep and oxen out.  According to the law of Moses, it is illegal for one Jew to strike another outside of the court of justice.

Chapter 7 addresses Proverbs 23:13-14 and the misconception that spanking can save a child from going to Hell.  The word that is sometimes translated as hell simply means the grave.  Furthermore, the word translated as soul is often used to refer to animals, not just humans.  To try and stretch this passage into meaning eternal punishment is simply incorrect.

Chapter 8 deals with another misconception, taught by many spankers such as Dobson and Lessin, about children crying during spankings. Some use Proverbs 19:18 to come up with convoluted teachings about what type of crying is acceptable, and when, and how long.  Once again, it is based on poor translation.  An accurate translation of this passage exhorts the parent to "not set your heart on his [your son's] death/destruction."  This verse could actually be used to encourage gentleness and hope!  The Hebrew word for tears never appears in the book of Proverbs.

Chapter 9 continues looking at some of the fallacies promoted by religious spankers, and focuses on the teaching that spanking is meant for the buttocks.  Proverbs does include passages describing hitting fools (not children) on the back with a rod.  The Hebrew word here is correctly translated--back.  There is another Hebrew word for buttocks, which is used in Isaiah, II Samuel, and many other passages.  Trying to claim that the Bible teaches spanking on the bottom is a deliberate substitution of the spanker's personal preference instead of Scripture.

Chapter 10 examines the theological implications of spanking.  Spanking is a punishment for a crime.  The child has been tried, found guilty and sentenced.  Yet, as Christians, we rejoice that instead of being under the law and subject to its punishments, we have been given grace and forgiveness.  How effectively can we teach our children about grace when we force them to live under punishment?  He shares beautiful writings from Rev. D. L. Moody and Karl Barth, who did not spank their own children, and concludes with encouragement for parents to demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit towards their children.

The appendices also contain interesting and useful information, including misunderstandings regarding the harshness of Biblical teachings, the end results of punishment in the Bible, the Biblical standard for engendering righteousness, an examination of the word "shevet" (rod), and more.

The truth is that the Bible does not ever teach that parents should spank children.  The original readers were well aware of that.  It is only through imposing our cultural baggage on imprecise translations that it is been twisted to an English-speaking audience today.  God's Word is Truth.  The responsibility that we have to accurately handle that truth is important.  We are blessed in being able to have the resources to obtain correct translations today, to help us fulfill that responsibility. 

I greatly appreciate Samuel Martin's scholarship and deep love for the Bible.  I would encourage anyone who is interested in this topic to check out his site, www.biblechild.com.  His books are available there, and you can also sign up for his newsletters, which are full of interesting articles.

"Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, accurately handling the word of truth." ~ II Tim. 2:15

Not Disappointed--Tony Hillerman and GD

Image credit Taylor Burnes on Flickr

A WWII combat veteran with a Silver Star, a Bronze Star and a Purple Heart.  An incredibly successful author.  A respected university teacher.  A product of gentle discipline.  Really?

I have been a fan of mysteries ever since my sixth birthday when my beloved auntie gave me two Trixie Belden books.  One of my favorite authors is Tony Hillerman, who is well-known for his mystery series about Navajo Tribal Policemen Joe Leaphorn and Jim Chee.  Hillerman did a masterful job of weaving compelling stories with fascinating portrayals of Navajo culture.  His novels are fun and thought-provoking at the same time.  A few times I have caught myself wondering more about his views on peaceful living.  But I never would have imagined that he grew up in Oklahoma in the era that he did without spanking.  Until I read part of his autobiography, Seldom Disappointed.

In a time and place where true beatings were seen as acceptable discipline by most people, Tony Hillerman's parents took a radically different approach.  He describes what would happen when he or his siblings misbehaved.  His mother would take them into another room, so that there would be privacy, and talk to them individually.

But what if that didn't work?  Well, for very serious offenses or repeated misbehavior, his dad would also talk to him.  He would ask for an explanation of the behavior, and the reasons and thoughts behind it.  His dad would consider the responses carefully, and then explain again the family rules and the reasons behind them.

He describes one incident involving disobedience, a BB gun, and playing with matches that results in a fire (but no injury).  His father went through all the steps with him, and then came the sentencing.  He told Tony to go and get him a switch from a tree in their yard.  The switch was big enough to hurt, but not so large as to cause lasting damage.  However, upon further consideration, his father did not spank him.  Instead, he asked his son if he could remember and abide by the family rules without a spanking.  When Tony agreed, his father instructed him to go and help his mother.  He never laid a hand on him.

I often hear people assume that not spanking produces self-centered adults who cannot handle responsibility, who do not understand that their actions have consequences, and who are, in short, set up to be criminals and failures.  Looking at this man, whose actions as a soldier, as a teacher, as an author and more show just the opposite is very encouraging.

And while I read from a very wide variety of authors, it is always exciting to me to find authors who have beliefs that are similar to mine.  (As a quick aside, I am using my next Amazon splurge to purchase some books by Alison Strobel.  Everything I have heard about them says that they are marvelous stories, and I know from posting with her at GCM that her views on children will mesh well with mine and that she is someone whom I can support with a clear conscience, unlike the discomfort of reading, for example, Lori Wick).  And of course, I am a life-long fan of Astrid Lindgren (Pippi Longstocking), too!

Tony Hillerman's books are full of people who seek and practice hózhó--harmony, a way of beauty, peace and order.  Although his parents were not Navajo, I suspect that he learned much about that peace from them and their courageous choice to discipline him with gentleness and harmony.

Impressions from the Petits Chefs

My kids have grown up in bookstores, and our family is mourning the closing of a couple in our area.  Our sorrow was tempered, however, by the awesome sales.  Yesterday we picked up a copy of Emeril's There's a Chef in my World: Recipes that Take You Places for 70% off.  Today, Ariana and Joel went through the book and picked out a couple of recipes.  Then Joel checked to see which ingredients we had already and which ones we needed to buy, and Ariana made a shopping list.  We headed to the store to purchase a few items, then they got to work on their menu: a sweet and smoky Chipotle Chili (our own recipe), cheesy Mexican Cornbread, and a fresh and cool Mango Lassi.

They diced peppers and sauteed veggies for the cornbread, and grated cheese.  Then Joel measured all the ingredients and added them to the cast iron skillet.  While it was baking, Ariana cooked the sausage for the chili (maple sausage is our secret ingredient--it adds a subtle sweet taste that matches well with the smokiness of the chipotles), added the beans and tomatoes and seasonings.  While it simmered, she prepared the lassi.  I was impressed by the timing.  The chili and lassi were finished just as the cornbread came out of the oven.  The only things I did were chop the jalapeño, since we didn't have gloves, and remove the cornbread from the oven. 

We have used kids' cookbooks in the past that were a disappointment--no real cooking at all, just arranging prepackaged ingredients.  I love Emeril's cookbooks for kids because they are real recipes that the whole family would eat, but the recipes are detailed enough for the kids to follow with minimal input from me and learn a lot about cooking.

The kids had a blast and are looking forward to cooking for us again.  Here are their impressions of the meal:

Ariana (7):

The cornbread was pretty good, but spicy.  I liked the way it looked.  The texture was good and it tasted yummy.  I love the flavor.  My favorite part of cooking it was chopping the sweet red pepper.

The chili was a little too saucy, but still good.  I liked the tomatoes and beans.  Opening the cans was fun.

The mango lassi was good.  The orange slice for the garnish made it look pretty.  The lassi helped me because the chili was spicy.  It cooled off my mouth.  I enjoyed running the blender.  The flavor of the lassi was like mangoes and really good.

Joel (5):
I didn't eat the cornbread.  The veggies smelled really yummy when I was cooking them.  It didn't smell good when it came out of the oven, though. It smelled like jalapeños and the flavor was yucky.  Making it was fun.  The part where I got to spread the butter and grating the cheese was my favorite part. 

I liked making the meat brown for the chili.  It was good.  I like cheese on it sometimes.  It was a little spicy, but not too spicy.  It was just right. 

The mango lassi was too lemony. [It did not contain any lemon.  Maybe he meant the orange?]

Elena was disappointed at not being allowed to chop, but she stirred and added ingredients.  She was not a huge fan of the cornbread, but enjoyed the chili and said that the lassi tasted like a smoothie.  She wants to do it all by herself next time. ;)

They all said that they really want to cook some more next time.  There is a recipe for an Oreo Peanut Butter Banana Pie that they were drooling over.  They also like the sound of his Old Fashioned Apple Pie.  Or maybe the Cinnamon-Walnut Scottish Shortbread.  Ariana wants to make edamame and a Croque Monsieur, and Joel likes the idea of smashing chicken for the Chicken Piccata.  They all sound good to me!

Beautiful

I am so, so excited.  Sarah from Under the Olive Branch has written a guest post!  If you haven't yet visited her blog, please head over there.  Although The Restoration of All Things finished, there are many more stories to be told!

*******

Photo credit rante i on Flickr

One thing that stays on my heart is the way that people feel about themselves, and how much that has to do with what they are constantly told. Directly or indirectly.

People are not told enough, in no uncertain terms, that they are beautiful. Of course we all know that advertising, bad habits of comparing ourselves to others, and comments we hear from people about other people can pile up into a scary under-the-bed monster that comes out every so often just to remind us that beauty is still far from our grasp. Like a tiny purple flower growing on the peak of the world's highest mountain. We are required to pursue it while knowing full well that by the time we reach it's former home, frost bite will have long since destroyed it beyond all recognition.

And what are we armed with? Cliche phrases like, "True beauty comes from within.", and "But you are fearfully and wonderfully made!" Both of these are so true, that the actual realization of it in a glorious moment of understanding almost hurts. But how do you transfer that understanding to a dear friend as she lingers before the mirror a few moments longer, scrutinizing her every curve? Or to your sweet little cousin who simply won't be convinced that her freckles are lovely? Or even to yourself when you have a slight lapse into vanity and forget?

I don't mean to imply that this is solely a girl's conundrum. Plenty of guys struggle with what they look like as well.

Too tall, too short, too fat, too thin, too lanky. Wrong nose, wrong complexion, wrong eyebrows.

Don't even get me started on hair. I was "blessed" with curly hair that not one hair dresser on the planet knows what to do with. They just want to brush it. Then I have to turn sideways to get out the door.

The truth is that there aren't enough words to say that can convince a wounded spirit that she is beautiful. She (or he) has to be shown. We have grown up in a world where ugly is among the most fearful things we feel we could possibly be.

No. We have to show each other that beautiful is not something to be achieved by suddenly morphing into [insert gorgeous celebrity here]. It comes from embracing the person God made you to be.

A bottle of hair dye can be so much fun, and a new diet can be healthy.

But they are not what make you beautiful.

You aren't beautiful because you're taller than that one girl, or shorter than that other one.

Not because your hair outshines all the other hair in the land with it's glossiness.

Or because you have the perfect hourglass figure.

No.

You are beautiful because you listen.

Because you sing.

Because you play.

Because you love.

Because you are you. The only you ever.

I want to encourage everyone not to deprive the world of themselves just because they are not a carbon copy of [again with the gorgeous pop star]. You were never meant to be anyone besides you.

I feel inclined here to quote a favorite band of mine called The Danielsons, who simply stated, "Be just who you're made to be, Poppa is so mighty pleased with thee." We are the Creator's creation. And He is well pleased with us. Who cares what society says about our ears or our waistlines or our hair? Of course we should take care of ourselves, but it is not society that gets to tell us what we are.

Photo credit markwy on Flickr

Beauty is when a friend calls at 5am and you are right there to listen without a second thought.

It's when you are tucking a little one in at night and sing to him after a long day.

It's a cup of coffee in your hands on the porch in the morning, just soaking in the sunrise.

It's those times in life when you get it right.

And those times when you get it horribly wrong, but you learn... and you get a second chance to get up and have another go.

We are beautiful because our lives are beautiful.

We are beautiful because God loves us.

*******

Sarah Whitlock is married to her first kiss, Joseph, and is a Wielder of the Quill of Endearing Humor.  More of her writings are available at Under the Olive Branch.

My Top 10 Parenting Scriptures

Welcome to the March Carnival of Natural Parenting: Natural Parenting Top 10 Lists
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared Top 10 lists on a wide variety of aspects of attachment parenting and natural living. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
***

Image credit: abcdz2000 on Flickr

One of my deepest desires is to integrate my faith into every aspect of my life.  To be authentic in my spirituality.  Being a mom has caused me to re-examine many beliefs I had taken for granted and to be much more purposeful about how I live out my faith with my children.  These are 10 Bible passages that always inspire me and help me to breathe in grace:

1.   “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’"  ~  Matthew 25:40  (Note: In Spanish, it says "the smallest" of these.  What an incredibly powerful thought--how I treat my little ones is a reflection of how I would treat my God.)

2.  "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment." ~ I John 4:18  (Letting go of fear, letting go of punishment, embracing love).

3.   ^"Within minutes they were bickering over who of them would end up the greatest. But Jesus intervened: "Kings like to throw their weight around and people in authority like to give themselves fancy titles. It's not going to be that way with you. Let the senior among you become like the junior; let the leader act the part of the servant."  ~ Luke 22:24-26 (The Message)  (My authority as a parent is not a justification for controlling my children; it is the power to care for them.)

4.  "Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the LORD loves rests between his shoulders." ~ Deuteronomy 33:12  (Biblical babywearing! I love it!)

5.  "Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.   Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.  ... Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. " ~ Colossians 3:12-15, 21  (Compassion, forgiveness, peace, gratitude.  Nothing that will provoke them or cause bitterness or discouragement.)

6.  "But we proved to be gentle among you, as a nursing mother tenderly cares for her own children." ~ I Thessalonians 2:7 (Gentleness and breastfeeding.  <3 <3 <3)

7.  "For you will nurse and be satisfied at her comforting breasts; you will drink deeply and delight in her overflowing abundance.”  For this is what the LORD says: “I will extend peace to her like a river, and the wealth of nations like a flooding stream; you will nurse and be carried on her arm and dandled on her knees. As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you." ~ Isaiah 66:11-13  (Beautiful imagery of breastfeeding, responsiveness and comfort!)

8. "Brothers and sisters, if a person is caught doing something wrong, you who are spiritual should restore someone like this with a spirit of gentleness. Watch out for yourselves so you won’t be tempted too." ~ Galatians 6:1 CEB  (The goal is restoring relationship, and that requires gentleness and humility.)

 9.  "Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.  Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God." ~ II Corinthians 1:2-4  (Whether it is my baby crying in the night, or my toddler having a meltdown, or my older child distressed over a "little thing", my response should be to validate and comfort. )

10.  "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets."  Matthew 7:12  (Would I want it done to me?  No?  Then I shouldn't do it to my children.  What do I want?  Respect?  Gratitude?  Thoughtfulness?  Am I demonstrating those qualities in the way I act toward them?)

There are so many other pictures of gentle parenting--the depiction of the peace of a weaned child (not baby!) in Psalm 131:2, the promise to embrace and gently lead nursing moms in Isaiah 40:11, and the list could go on and on.  Whether it is breastfeeding, babywearing, comforting my children, or gentle discipline, I find that the Bible has beautiful passages to strengthen and encourage me on my journey.

***

Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be live and updated by afternoon March 8 with all the carnival links.)

• Attachment Parenting in the NICU — Erica at ChildOrganics shares some strategies to help you parent naturally in some unnatural circumstances.
• 10 Reasons to Choose Baby Led Weaning — Luschka from Diary of a First Child shares ten reasons to choose Baby Led Weaning when it comes to solids.
• Choosing to Breastfeed — From selfishness to self-giving, CatholicMommy at Working to be Worthy lists reasons why breast is best for her and her family.
• Ten Things I Wish I Knew About Before Little Man — In this reflective post, The ArstyMama discusses ten things she wishes she knew more about before the birth of her son, Little Man.
• 10 Things That Helped Me Become a Natural Mama — The Accidental Natural Mama counts down ten things that helped her find her moderately crunchy inner mama self.
• Top 10 Reasons to Breastfeed Your Toddler — Extended breast-feeder Kate Wicker of Momopoly makes her own top 10 list for why she loves nursing her 2-year-old.
• Top 10 Tips on Authentic Grandparenting — Mamapoekie of Authentic Parenting offers a list of tips to make the grandparent-parent-child relationship flow smoothly.
• Top Ten "Dad" Things — Liam at In The Now talks about his favourite ways to spend time with his children.
• Top 10 Natural Strategies for Conception (aka How to Get Pregnant!) — Despite facing plenty of health issues, Jessica Claire at Crunchy-Chewy Mama found her way to two first-try pregnancies thanks to these natural strategies.
• Top Ten Reasons Why Home Birth Rocks — Lucy at Dreaming Aloud shares her passion for birthing at home - the natural place for natural birth.
• Top 10 reasons why cloth nappies are fun — Tat at Cloth Nappies Are Fun shows how using cloth nappies can brighten up your day.
• Top Ten Ways to Be Present With Family — Amy at Innate Wholeness shares how to make the most of parenting and family life through being present.
• Top 10 Things In My Arsenal of Kitchen Witchy Mama Tricks. — Joni Rae at Tales of A Kitchen Witch shares with us the simple things she would never want to be missing from her cupboards.
• Top 10 ways I'm not very good at natural parenting (and why I keep trying anyway) — Jenny at Babyfingers shares the ways she is imperfect as a natural parent, and why she embraces natural parenting anyway.
• Top 10 Ways to Know You Are a Natural Parent — So what makes us "natural parents," anyway? A lighthearted look at the Top 10 Ways to Know You Are a Natural Parent by the editors and readers of Natural Parents Network.
• The Top 10 Things Every Natural Household (with children) Should Have — Amanda at Let's Take the Metro shares a list of the most common natural products and remedies she uses for health and cleaning.
• Top 10 books for raising loving, spiritual children — In her 'food for the soul' post, Mrs Green from Little Green Blog shares her favourite spiritual books. No matter what religion you practise, there's something for everyone!
• Top 10 Things No One Told Me About Natural Parenting — Adrienne at Mommying My Way explains that the best things about natural parenting are things she never expected.
• Top 10 Flower Essences for Families — Kim of Nature Baby Bloggings lists her pick of the top ten flower essence which can help ease families through the ups and downs of life.
• My Top Ten Parenting Tools — Amyables at Toddler In Tow names the top ten tools that have been helpful to her while learning to parent respectfully and successfully.
• Ten Ways Families Can Enjoy Nature (for free!) — Spring is nearly in the air, and Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction is dreaming of the fun and frugal ways that her family is going to get out and enjoy nature this summer.
• 10 Reasons We Unschool — Patti at Jazzy Mama explains why unschooling is the right choice for her family.
• Must Read: Natural Parenting Top Ten — Amy at Anktangle wants you to do a little reading! She shares her top ten favorite books to help parents prepare for pregnancy, birth, and parenting.
• Top 10 Breastfeeding Misconceptions — Sheila at A Gift Universe examines ten reasons women give for why they didn't breastfeed as long as they wanted, and shows how these obstacles can be overcome.
• Ten Reasons to Plan a Home Birth — Since a home birth can be an incredibly empowering experience, Leslie at Lights and Letters outlines ten reasons why you should plan to have your baby at home.
• Top Ten Books for Birth, Breastfeeding and Parenting — Megan at Just Me(gan) writes about the ten books that have helped her the most in her natural parenting journey.
• A Top Ten Letter To Me... — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment writes herself a letter of reflections and bits of wisdom she would have liked to know as a new mama.
• Top Ten Mama Necessities Money Can't Buy — Buying baby gear is fun, but Emily at Crunchy(ish) Mama knows real parenting must-haves can't be bought in stores (or even on Amazon).
• Top 10 Books for a Natural Mum — Isil at Smiling like Sunshine talks about her Top 10 Books for a Natural Mum.
• Ten Great Spring Activities To Do With Preschoolers — Kellie at Our Mindful Life and her family have come up with a great list of activities to do together this spring.
• 10 Ways to Reuse Yogurt Containers — Acacia at Fingerpaint & Superheroes keeps the stacks of yogurt containers out of her recycling bin by reusing them in both practical and creative ways.
• Top Ten Ways To Have a Harmonious Home — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares her natural parenting-inspired methods for maintaining a harmonious daily life with her toddler.
• 10 Natural Baby Items I Love — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares product ideas to support your natural parenting.
• The Pandas' Top Five Crunch-osophies — Top five crunchy philosophies, as employed at the Panda Residence by Ana at Pandamoly.
• Top 10 Reasons to Leave Your Son Intact — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children has shared 10 reasons why you should leave your newborn son intact.
• Ten things everyone should know about unassisted homebirth — Olivia at Write About Birth shares practical tips for women considering an unassisted homebirth and debunks some common myths
• 10 Most Popular Ways To Treat Cloth Diaper Stains — Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey gives ten easy tips to make your diapers like new.
• 10 Lessons in 1 Year — Abbie at Farmer's Daughter shares 10 parenting lessons that she has learned throughout her first year of motherhood.
• Top 10 Ways to Get Breastfeeding Off To a Good Start — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes shares 10 effective ways to ensure breastfeeding gets off to a good start.
• Top 10 Ways to Avoid a Time-Out — If you are uncomfortable using time-outs in an attempt to control your child's behavior, try one of these gentler alternatives. Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares her Top 10 Ways to Avoid a Time-Out.
• My Top 10 Parenting Scriptures — Dulce de leche is learning to integrate faith and parenting. Whether it is breastfeeding, babywearing, comforting her children, or gentle discipline, she finds that the Bible has beautiful passages to encourage her on her journey.
• Natural Cleaning Ideas - Top 10 — Laura at Laura's Blog lists the ways she keeps her house clean and clear of chemicals.
• My Top Ten (plus two) Life Altering and Growth Inspiring Books — A top ten list of books from MJ at Wander Wonder Discover that changed her life as an individual, a parent, and an earth dweller.
• Top 10 Ways to Use Natural Parenting for Children with Special Needs — Danielle at Mommy Makes Cents feeds the needs of her family and special needs child through the use of Natural Parenting.
• Ten Fundamentals — Seonaid at The Practical Dilettante gets philosophical with a list of the fundamentals that drive her natural parenting.
• 10 reasons why I chose breast over bottles — Becky at Old New Legacy writes a quick list of why she chose breast over bottles.
• Top Ten Natural Tools for the Work of Play — Lori at Beneath the Rowan Tree offers insight into 10 natural toys that will span the early years (and save you money).
• 10 differences between pregnancy and parenting in Japan and the US — Megan at Ichigo Means Strawberry gives her impressions about differences in pregnancy and parenting in Japan and the US.
• Natural Parenting Benny & Bex Style — Pecky at Benny and Bex explains why Natural Parenting principles work best for her boys.
• Top 10 Reasons to Co-Sleep — 10 practical, emotional, and completely selfish reasons to co-sleep and share a family bed from Lily, aka Witch Mom.
• My Top Ten New Mommy Moments — Melissa at The New Mommy Files recounts the ten most memorable moments of her daughter's first year.
• Top Ten Things Every Breastfeeding Mother Needs to Know — Kristen at Adventures in Mommyhood believes knowledge is power and wants all moms to be well informed.
• Top 10 Nursing Positions / Situations — Momma Jorje uses her 5½ years of nursing experience to share her Top 10 Nursing Positions/Situations. She includes some adorable photos of her youngest daughter at the breast.
• Ten Top Ways to Connect Kids with Nature — Terri from Child at the Nature Isle offers 10 ways to immerse ourselves in the natural world and develop a love affair with the Earth.
• Top 10 Slacker Ways to Natural Parent — Guavalicious is happy to show you how to parent naturally the slacker way.
• Simply what it looks like — Andrea!!! from Ella-Bean & Co. offers a glimpse into natural parenting through the eyes of mama and babe.
• Top Ten Reasons Why Natural Parenting Dads Are So Attractive — Nada at miniMOMist sure digs her husband, but it's not just his good looks -- it's his parenting!
• 10 Family Systems and Routines That Work for Us — See what routines, organizational systems, and parenting approaches work for Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings to help avoid conflict and maintain sanity in a family with three young children.
• Top 10 reasons to choose midwifery care — Lauren at Hobo Mama lists the features that drew her to midwives' care for pregnancy and birth.
• 10 Ways to Cloth Diaper on a Budget — Michelle at The Parent Vortex shares her best thrifty cloth diapering tips.
• Ten Reasons it Felt Sew Good To Make My Own Play Food — Brittany at Mama's Felt Cafe lists her 10 (OK, 11) favorite reasons to grab a needle and start sewing your own felt play toys.
• Top10 Ways to Spark Interest, Learn, and Have Fun With Everyday Tasks! — Bethy at Bounce Me to the Moon gives you her top 10 ways of incorporating fun and lessons into everyday tasks and chores.
• Postpartum Gift Ideas — Alicia at I Found My Feet suggests a top 10 list of gifts for mother's after giving birth.
• My Top Ten Shows Worthy Of Screen Time — Tree at Mom Grooves shares her top ten list of shows that she believes are positive, educational, kind, joyful, and a nice way to share some downtime with your children.
• The Top 10 Ways to Succeed as an Working Attachment Parent — That Mama Gretchen shares tried and true ways to succeed with attachment parenting even when working away from home during the day.
• Top Ten Books for Natural Parenting — Pregnancy, herbs, cooking, and healthcare the ten books Asha at Meta Mom the most.
• Preparing for a Hospital VBAC: My Top 10 — Thomasin at Propson Palingenesis shares 10 ways she's preparing for her upcoming hospital VBAC.
• Top Ten New Mom Survival Tools — Wolfmother shares her most beloved motherhood survival tools at Fabulous Mama Chronicles.
• Top 10 Montessori Principles for Natural Learning — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now gives her top 10 list of Montessori principles parents can use to encourage their children s natural learning.
• Going Granola — Tashmica from The Mother Flippin' Blog describes the 10 ways that natural parenting sneaked up on her. She never expected to go all granola on the world.
• Step Away From the Amazon List — Stefanie at Very, Very Fine wishes she hadn't bought so much useless stuff.