Near Mama's Heart - A children's book about breastfeeding

My Parenting Bookshelf--The Christian Books (just in time for Christmas shopping!)

This turned into a really long post, so I am breaking it up. How we started looking for books and my recommendations for the best Christian parenting book of all are here.

The Complete Book of Christian Parenting and Child Care by the Sears. Not only do they have all the credentials--MDs, IBCLCs, parents of eight children, dedicated Christians--they have the fruit to go with it. Some of their children are now working with their parents as MDs. Contrast that to the Ezzos who are not even on speaking terms with their grown kids!

Biblical Parenting by Crystal Lutton.  This combines the theological background for a deep study of Scripture (including the rod verses and others) with very practical, real life ways to live a life of grace and discipline.  There is nothing permissive here, just loving ways to help you parent as a disciple of Christ.  You can also check out some of Crystal's material at www.aolff.org

The Ministry of Motherhood and The Mission of Motherhood, both by Sally Clarkson.  I would love to give these to every Christian mom I know.  They aren't about spanking; there isn't a soapbox to mount.  They are simply full of wisdom and grace.  Every time I read them again, I feel as if I had just had a delicious cup of Earl Grey and fabulous scones with plenty of cream with a close friend who has been there and will encourage me.  Her blog (I Take Joy) is in my favorites list. 

How to Really Love Your Child by Ross Campbell.  Excellent.  I was excited to hear that some pastor friends in Norway were using this with their church.  Beautiful, balanced and helpful.

Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel and Max Lucado.  I heard great things about this one, and it was good, but I wasn't a huge fan.  It has really blessed a lot of my friends, though.  YMMV.  *Note: there is one reference to spanking in the book, but the overall book doesn't emphasize spanking.

Families Where Grace is In Place by Jeff Van Vonderen.  Absolutely amazing!  This book beautifully challenges old paradigms on gender roles, marriage issues, parenting and gives practical and powerful portrayals of what a family of grace looks like.  A must read.

The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Smalley.  Another one that I strongly recommend.  Beautiful, real-life ways to help your children experience love.

Thy Rod and Thy Staff, They Comfort Me by Samuel Martin.  Excellent.  Sam is a scholar whose love and reverence for God's Word clearly shines through.  I have a couple of posts reviewing it here.

Heartfelt Discipline by Clay Clarkson. Another examination of discipline, the rod passages and what Christ-like parenting should be.  I honestly prefer Sally's books, but her husband does well, too.

Depending on where you fall on the gentle discipline spectrum, some books may be more helpful than others.  For example, the Sears book and Grace Based Parenting seem mildly punitive to me, and some of the wording in Clay Clarkson's book did, as well.  However, for someone transitioning into GD, particularly with a Babywise background, I think it would be extremely helpful.  I think that Heartfelt Discipline would make a wonderful church library donation, especially for a group that has been influenced by Tripp. 

Even if you strongly disagree with my views on discipline, I would encourage you to check out some of these books. You see, when I read books by Dobson, Tripp, and others, I come away feeling as if my children are my adversaries. Discipline becomes a matter of constant suspicion (was that question actually defiance?) and defense against any possible lack of respect through retaliation.

In contrast, after reading the authors here, I find myself feeling more joyful, more loving, and more confident in my authority. My patience is strengthened and I have practical tools to help discipline in the truest sense of the word. We can all use more of that, can't we?

Wonderfully Made

Happy 2010! 'Tis the season, of course, for resolutions, and for women, it seems to be expected that many of those will involve our bodies and attempting to transform them into The American Ideal for 2010, or at least prevent them from getting any further from The Ideal than they are already.

Being healthy is always a good goal, but the longer I live, the more incensed I become at our culture's insistence that God really did a lousy job of creating women. Ina May Gaskin makes excellent points about the whole "the-female-body-is-a-lemon" mindset that pervades the medical profession. We lament the problem that so many of us have with self-image, but it is little wonder when we are told constantly that we are physical failures.

Very few women that I know naturally fit the shape that our current culture appreciates. However, looking back a few decades is a good reminder at how capricious this is. I would never make it with the Twiggy look--I'm much more the 1950's curvy type. I have gorgeous friends who would actually fit more naturally into the '70s, though. And if you are prepared to look outside the US for standards of feminine beauty, or simply to art from a century or two ago, you'll find an even wider range. Interestingly, it seems to always favor the wealthy (those who can afford more food/better food/gym memberships/servants), and often involves incapacitating the woman (think of things like corsets or bound feet).

It isn't just beauty standards, either. Two of the things that are unique to women--child birth and breastfeeding--have also been denigrated and medicalized until most women believe themselves incapable of either. Our current C-section rate is 1 in 3. Now, I am grateful that they are an option when medically warranted, but do we seriously believe that one out of three women is incapable of giving birth normally? Really? Even an uncomplicated vaginal birth is assumed to be a death-defying act where only an epidural and a range of high-tech equipment and specialists keep the woman and child safe from betrayal by her incompetent body.

Breastfeeding rates are also dismal. Of course, there are many reasons for that, but it is appalling to me how many women truly want to breastfeed and yet are told that they can't make enough milk/their milk isn't good enough/their breasts are too big/too small/whatever. We are convinced that cows are better at nourishing our human babies than their human mothers. Do we honestly believe that God created plants and animals and it was good, but when He got to women He messed up so catastrophically?

Go back and read the beginning of Genesis. Not just men, but male and female are created in God's image. I think that our Bible translations and our culture often give us the false impression that God is male. Yes, we use the masculine pronouns, and yes, He appeared on Earth as a man, but He is Spirit. He isn't male, or rather, He is male and female. He is complete. (The Aztecs and many other peoples realized this).

Now, a few people are probably ready to grab some stones and charge me with heresy, but the Bible actually uses intensely feminine imagery at times when referring to God. Aside from the Genesis account that straightforwardly declares that both male and female were made in God's image, Deuteronomy 32:18, exhorting God's people to turn back to Him, talks about the God who writhed (or danced!) in the act of giving birth to them, although that is obscured in the KJV. There are other passages, as well, not to mention beautiful references to breastfeeding throughout the Bible.

Our female bodies, that have been condemned as incompetent by our culture, are actually gloriously, wonderfully made. So this year, as you consider steps to improve the amazing design we've been given, consider what a beautiful woman you are. God made your body. And it is good.

Some sanctimonious syrup and nursing ewes

Image credit: unukorno on Flickr

There are times when I look back at previous posts and shake my head at how smug they sound. It is never my intention, but sometimes I'm sure they come across that way. In reality, I have enough of a sense of humor, particularly an appreciation of the absurd, that I would never put myself up on a pedestal. I actually described my thoughts on parenting as sanctimonious syrup once. But the thing is, it is earnest and sincere sanctimonious syrup (does that make it more palatable?). Even when part of me is laughing at myself and aware that I need to lighten up, I really can't help taking things too seriously and overthinking them most of the time. While I'm confessing my editorial failings, I'll admit to a weakness for alliteration, as well.

I am passionate about parenting and about gentle discipline, obviously. For me, this is my calling--to write Living Epistles. So, even though I blow it often (and that is just in the areas I am aware of!), I blog about it to impress more and more into my spirit my goals as a parent. I really want to be Jesus with skin on for them, to show them daily in tangible ways his love and mercy.

There are days when I am buried in diapers, laundry and dishes, and just want to get things DONE, when I am crabby and impatient, when I would much rather curl up with a book or play on the computer than do something with or for my children. Then, being the perfectionist that I am, I start to shame and berate myself for not living up to my own expectations.

One of my favorite verses since childhood has been Isaiah 40:11, "He shall lead His flock like a shepherd; He will gather the lambs in His arms, and carry them close to His heart; He will gently lead the nursing ewes." What a comforting picture! I love the image of baby-wearing, with the little ones nestled against His chest, listening to His heartbeat. He still snuggles us that way.

Image credit molajen on Flickr

And on the days when the responsibility of being a parent can seem overwhelming, when I am discouraged by the mistakes I make, I find rest in the last part of the verse, a tender promise to lead moms gently on the parenting journey. We don't have to race through it, constantly striving. We can take the time to enjoy quiet waters and green pastures as we nurse our little ones.