The Discipline of Stillness

Image credit Jim Nix / Nomadic Productions on Flickr

"Meditate in your heart upon your bed, and be still. Selah." ~ Psalm 4:4 NASB

The other night, my seven year old told me it was hard to fall asleep.  "My mind just keeps going and going."  Yep, I know the feeling.  I also look at her incessant tapping, bouncing or mouth noises and recognize my own constant finger movements.  We just seem to be wired to move and do and think and multi-task and...

I believe that one of the blessings of motherhood is stillness.  Not just theirs, although with four little ones I certainly welcome those rare and fleeting moments, too.  But ours, as well.  It sounds ridiculous, but it is absurdly difficult for me to take advantage of the quiet moments and be still myself.  I check out mentally and start thinking of all the things that need to get done.  I feel compelled to do something.  But what if I am just supposed to be?

Breastfeeding provides lots of opportunities to sit down with my baby that I would be tempted to bypass otherwise.  Even then, though, I tend to be talking with the older kids, surfing on my phone, watching TV or otherwise mentally disengaging from what I am actually doing.  I suspect that that is one of the reasons that I have been blessed with four little ones who wake the second I put them down.  Less temptation leave them in order to clean or cook or whatever, and more opportunities to meditate, to pray, to be aware.

I am convinced that there is something very valuable to be found if we engage in the discipline of stillness.  I haven't found it all yet, but I am getting closer.  I am playing on my phone less, and breathing in the scent of my baby's hair more.  I am trying to say less in my mind and listen more.  And it is very, very hard.  I am not even sure of exactly what I am listening for, but I know it is important.  Perhaps what I hear isn't even the point--just the stillness, the listening, and the awareness.

I don't want to wish away a single second of the time God has given me with my family, trying to hurry my children into the next stage of independence.  I want to enjoy this moment.  Wherever I am, I want to be all there.  To not have my mind going someplace else, but to be fully present.  To stop moving and for just that moment, be still. 

"Wherever you go, be all there.  Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God." ~ Jim Elliot

Image credit Windsors Child on Flickr

Romans 8:28 also applies to dead batteries (Busy and Blessed Mamas--remember this?)

One of the best things about joining the modern world (aka getting on Facebook) has been getting back in touch with people I haven't seen recently. In particular, I've been enjoying hearing about BlessedMama and BusyMomma and their families. Their blogs are in my list--check them out if you haven't already. One reason that it has been cool to reestablish contact is because I first got to know them and God better at the same time.

I was about the same age Ariana is now, and feeling pretty heartsore. Nothing terribly tragic, but I had had a lot of adjustments in the past year. We had moved from Mexico, leaving all my friends, my dog and what I was used to, my parents were on the brink of divorce, and even though I had a wonderful, loving family, it was a lot to handle.

A beautiful spot in all of this was when BusyMomma and BlessedMama's family came to visit us for a little while. I was in awe of them, because they were Big Girls (at least a year or two older than I) and they knew all sorts of stuff, but they played with me! I remember laughing and laughing, and feeling so happy. Then I was distressed to hear that they were leaving the next morning. It was way too soon. I started to protest, and they confidently suggested that we pray about it.

Now, as the daughter and granddaughter of pastors, this wasn't a new concept, but it is the first time I remember deliberately asking God for something. We very seriously prayed that we would get another day together.

If our parents had been aware of this, they might have been a bit concerned, and felt obligated to point out all the cautions about how God might not answer this prayer the way we wanted Him to, and so on. But with a children's disregard for adult schedules and commitments, we simply told God that we wanted more time together. And we got it! The next day, much to the frustration of the adults, the battery was dead. By the time it was fixed, it was too late to start out, and they stayed another night. I can still remember the gladness, not only for extra time with special friends, but the delight that God cared enough to do listen and do something just because I asked Him. Wow!

From a theological perspective, there could be all kinds of arguments against attributing this to God, I know. Does God burn out batteries on vans? Possibly not. But for a sad little girl, it was proof that He answers prayer, and sparked faith that He would attend to other requests, whether trivial or profound. So, D and C, thanks so much for your friendship, then and now, and for being part of my first answered prayer. I know your parents would consider replacing a battery worth it to teach a child about God's love and involvement in our lives. And anyone else who is going through something frustrating, whether it is car trouble or something entirely different, you never know--God might use it in ways you would never expect.

My current night song

One of the benefits of co-sleeping is that I don't always *really* wake up to nurse the baby. But when I do, I savor the stillness and peace, where the only sounds are the breathing of the people I love most and sometimes the air conditioner (I feel pretty affectionate towards it, too, because I hate hot weather). It is my favorite time to pray.

Lately, a song from Rich Mullins (about 20 years ago--that makes me feel old) has been playing in my mind each time:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=An1YIbisn-E

This part has been very real to me:

And I know sacred ears will listen
And holy hands reach out to touch
How can I keep myself from singing
Hallelujah! (Hallelujah!)
Hallelujah! (Hallelujah!)
Hallelujah! (Hallelujah!)
Hallelujah! (Hallelujah!)

Sacred ears are listening to every whisper in our hearts, holy hands are reaching out to touch us. Reasons to sing, indeed.