Shall I Come to You with a Rod? ~ Guest Post by Becky Eanes

There is much debate within the Christian community about the "right way" to discipline children, and those of us who choose not to spank are often confronted with "the rod verses" in Proverbs as pro-spanking Christians try to prove their point.

I am not a theologian, and there have already been many writings on this subject, some of which can be viewed here, here, here, and here. Thus, I will not go into the Proverbs verses for this post. I want to, rather, take a look at 1 Corinthians.

Here, Paul is speaking to the church of God that is in Corinth. There is division among this church and all sorts of wrongdoing, and he writes to them and admonishes them for the things they are doing. Let's take a look at 1 Cor 4:14-21.

I do not write these things to make you ashamed, but to admonish you as my beloved children. For though you have countless guides in Christ, you do not have many fathers. For I became your father in Christ Jesus through the gospel. I urge you, then, be imitators of me. That is why I sent you Timothy  my beloved and faithful child in the Lord, to remind you of my ways in Christ, as I teach them everywhere in every church. Some are arrogant, as though I were not coming to you. But I will come to you soon, if the Lord wills, and I will find out not the talk of these arrogant people but their power. For the kingdom of God does not consist in talk but in power. What do you wish? Shall I come to you with a rod, or with love in a spirit of gentleness?

I believe Paul is providing us with a powerful example here. He is speaking to this church as they are his children and he is their father, and he tells them he is admonishing them as his beloved children, and that he does not want to shame them! Children need to be corrected and taught what is right, turned from their wrongdoing and set on the right path, and this can be done through teaching and without shame. Paul tells them "be imitators of me." In other words, he is not asking them to do what he, himself, is not doing.

Then Paul says to them, "What do you wish? Shall I come to you with a rod, or with love in a spirit of gentleness?"

Paul is saying there is a choice here. I can come to you with a rod. Or I can come to you with love in a spirit of gentleness.

Just as Paul recognized that choice with his "children," so we have a choice with our own children. We can come to them with a rod. Or, we can come to them with love in a spirit of gentleness. Love and gentleness are fruits of the Spirit (Gal 4:22-23), and we know when we accept Christ, we also abide with the Spirit.(Acts 2:38) Therefore, we should also show these fruits.

In my upcoming devotional eBook Parenting in the Spirit, I will look at each of the fruits of the spirit and discuss how these can be manifested in our parenting. I hope you'll pick up that resource when it comes available (I'm hoping it will be available by July 2013).

In the meantime, consider this choice that Paul has outlined here, and I will close as Paul did. "Let all that you do be done in love." (1 Cor. 16:14)

**You may request a copy of the book Thy Rod and Thy Staff They Comfort Me: Christians and the Spanking Controversy by emailing Samuel Martin at info@biblechild.com.

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Becky Eanes is the founder of positive-parents.org and Positive Parenting: Toddlers and Beyond on Facebook. She lives with her husband and 2 young sons. She is also one of my heroes.  My family and I have been incredibly blessed by the grace and truth in her writings, and I am so very honored to have her share this post.  Please check out her incredibly inspiring and powerful post on speaking Biblical blessings over our children, and my review of her book, Positive Parenting in Action, and her website, Peace at Home Books.

Carnival of Weaning: Love Changes Form

Welcome to the Carnival of Weaning: Weaning - Your Stories
This post was written for inclusion in the Carnival of Weaning hosted by Code Name: Mama and Aha! Parenting. Our participants have shared stories, tips, and struggles about the end of the breastfeeding relationship.

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Weaning can bring up some interesting experiences for everyone in the family. Sometimes mom is ready while other times it is difficult to let a child pass into the next phase of life. Sometimes baby or child is ready and other times they want to hold onto the warm connection they have with mom for just a little (or a lot) longer. Sometimes dad or other family members think it's "time", when both mom and child are still content to continue the nursing relationship.

In cultures where such developments are often ruled by a clock or schedule, it may be difficult to hold an open space for weaning to simply take place for the natural occurrence that it can be. Our beliefs about such a process definitely influence how the experience feels for everyone involved.

Early on in parenting I was introduced to the idea that weaning doesn't have to be something that mom does to her child, that it could be a more child-led or even mutual experience -- kind of a dance where both parties would know when the music transitioned. While that idea was intriguing, I had little tools to put it into practice when I felt overwhelmed with nursing a toddler and at the same time wanted the close connection we had through breastfeeding to continue. I felt a bit at a loss and sadness plagued me as I encouraged her to wean.

As I have grown to include more children I am reminded of a few thoughts I have embraced along the way as a mother. Maybe they will help other mothers embrace weaning as not only a component of breastfeeding, but a continual process in parenting.

Weaning begins when a baby starts eating and moving away from mother; this is healthy, natural, and desired. Many of the tears I shed over weaning had to do with holding to ideals about child-led weaning being a certain time frame or type of experience. While I respect that certain people and agencies are sharing information about average weaning ages the world over, those may or may not apply to any particular mom and baby. We must come to peace in our own relationships.

If we look at weaning in terms of reality, how it occurs, we will see that it begins very early with babies showing interest in food and moving about in their environment with incrementally more and more space between themselves and mom. This is just how it is regardless of what culture we are talking about. Babies and children gradually grow into more independence when allowed to follow a natural course, meaning we do not over-protect nor force our ideas on them. With this approach, the process is healthy; it does not need to be pushed or feared. It can benefit from being embraced.

Weaning means "to ripen". I'm not sure where I heard this first and I'm not going to look it up to provide proper attribution. I'm just going to go on the concept and how it influences me.

When is a fruit at its most delicious? When it's ripe. Would we like it before that? Sure, we can appreciate it in its growth process from even before seed until it's a bit past ripe. All stages have their value. Would we like it after it's past ripe? Possibly, but we will most likely recognize the value of enjoying it when it's ripe rather than holding onto it too long afterward.

In terms of breastfeeding and parenting, if we view weaning as a growth process into and through ripening we can see the value of allowing it to occur in a space of positive expectancy. It's not bad for fruit to ripen; quite the contrary. It's also not necessary to push it to ripen. The other factor, though, in the nursing relationship is the mother's experience. She, too, is ripening. Moms go through the process just as much as their littles, growing through the progression of a very close relationship with their babies and children to a relationship of a different form.

Love simply changes form. This is the most pertinent to embrace, in my opinion. We get all kinds of ideas about love, how we share it, what it means, and whether we're providing it rightly or enough to our children.

There's no doubt that the breastfeeding relationship has the potential to cultivate a heart-to-heart connection between mother and child. While the child nurses, mom is open and receptive while at the same time giving - when all is going well. The child receives not only physical nourishment in the form of milk, but also emotional and spiritual nourishment in the form of unconditional love. Sometimes, though, nursing does not feel like this and it may be that it's time for some assistance or a change.

Change is not necessarily bad, especially when it is love changing form. Just because a mother decides to wean -- or that breastfeeding is not for her -- does not mean that the love she has for her child is not enough, less than, or otherwise tainted. It means that the ways she expresses her love are changing, and that is okay. I'll say it again, that is okay.

Through out the parenting relationship our babies grow into children, children grow into "tweens", then teens, and adults. And through out, the love we hold for them does not need to feel restricted or lessen based on the shifting of how we relate when we choose to embrace the fact that love changes form.

One way to continually experience a deep feeling of love and appreciation of our children, regardless of phase or age, is through embracing full body awareness. It's all too easy to fall into the trap of viewing either growing children or the parent-child relationship itself as a pain, or with a negative slant. Through deeply experiencing the love we have for them on a regular basis we can come to realize that everything in life is changing form, all of the time, and we get to choose how we relate to those changes.

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I am so grateful to the lovely Amy Phoenix of Presence Parenting for sharing this post.  Although only one of my four children has weaned, I can see that our relationship has continued to grow and ripen, and that all the love and closeness that was a part of our breastfeeding experience have not changed in substance.  Our love has only changed form.  For more peace and insight from Amy, please check out her website and Facebook pages!

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Thank you for visiting the Carnival of Weaning hosted by Dionna at Code Name: Mama and Dr. Laura at Aha! Parenting.

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants (and many thanks to Joni Rae of Tales of a Kitchen Witch for designing our lovely button):

(This list will be live and updated by afternoon May 21 with all the carnival links.)

• On Breastfeeding, Weaning, and One Mother’s Identity — Jessica at Natural Parents Network has been nursing one or more of her children since 1993 - breastfeeding is wrapped up in her concept of mothering and herself. She shares her thoughts on weaning.
• two tales of weaning — Aspen at Aspen Mama writes about their countdown to wean.
• Wean Me Gently — Tam at Please Send Parenting Books shares a beautiful weaning ceremony.
• You say potato, I say bleeeuuuuch... — Anelie at Mindcradle had read the books and knew just how to introduce her baby son to solids—unfortunately, he had other ideas.
• A post about Weaning — (Not) Maud at Awfully Chipper writes about how weaning her son took longer than she expected.
• On Weaning, Pregnancy and Emotion — Shannon at The Artful Mama talks about her mixed emotions as she allows her son, Little Man, to guide her through his weaning process.
• half of her life — Staci at Springpatch Jam looks back on her nursing relationship with her first born.
• Is it just this After Forty Mom or is it harder to wean when its your last? — Amanda of After Forty Mom shares her emotional journey towards the impending self-weaning of her toddler daughter.
• Nursing Limits — Jorje of Momma Jorje shares how she has weaned her toddler down to minimal nursing and her guilt about the decision to do so.
• Weaning Video Series #1: Preparation for the Weaning Process — Why is weaning such a taboo topic? Dionna at Code Name: Mama got mamas from across the blogosphere to start talking about weaning - on video. Come check out the first video in a series of five that she'll be posting this week.
• On the weaning of the boy in the middle — Kelly at Witness To Hope shares the lessons of a little one self-weaning at 18 months in the middle of an unexpected pregnancy, after nursing his older sister for three years.
• Weaning due to anxiety — Shannon at Pineapples & Artichokes talks about how she had to wean to preserve her mental health.
• When Will I Wean? A Guest Post — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama hosts a guest post from a mama who contemplates when her breastfeeding relationship will end.
• On His Own Terms — Momeeezen shares her heartbreak from when her son weaned much earlier than she anticipated.
• Our Weaning Story - Sudden, Surprised, and Embracing a New Season — Weaning doesn't always go how we imagine. That Mama Gretchen shares the story of her daughter's sudden weaning and how she has embraced this new season of motherhood.
• A Tale of Two Weanings — Valerie at Momma in Progress shares the similarities and differences of how her nursing relationships with her now six-year-old and four-year-old daughters came to a close.
• She Doesn't Remember — Alicia at Lactation Narration finds that her 6 year old no longer remembers nursing, only one year after weaning.
• It's The End of the World As We Know It — A story about the end of a tandem nursing relationship on Never Mind The Rain: A toddler moves on to a new phase in her life before mom is fully ready.
• A Natural End To Our Breastfeeding Relationship — With two self-weaning children, Jennifer at Our Muddy Boots does not know when the end will come, but that it will be natural and without regrets.
• Child-Led weaning: It's Not Extreme; It's Biological — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children explains why child-led weaning is based on biology rather than social constraints.
• 6 Years of Natural Weaning in 5 Steps — Jess at miniMum shares how and why she let her first child stop when he was good and ready.
• Is This Weaning?: A Tandem Nursing Update — Sheila at A Living Family bares all her tandem nursing hopes and fears during what feels like the beginning of the end for her toddler nursing relationship.
• Memories of Weaning: Unique and Gentle — Cynthia at The Hippie Housewife shares her weaning experiences with her two sons, each one unique in how it happened, and yet equally gentle in its approach.
• Weaning Aversion' — Gentle Mama Moon shares her experience of nursing and unplanned weaning due to pregnancy-induced 'feeding aversion'.
• Three Months Post-Mup: An Evolution of Thoughs On Weaning — cd at FidgetFace describes a brief look at her planned (but accelerated) weaning, as well as one mamma's evolution on weaning (and extended nursing)
• Weaning my Tandem Nursed Toddler — After tandem nursing for a year, Melissa at Permission to Live felt like weaning her older child would be impossible, but now she shares how gentle weaning worked for her 2 1/2 year old.
• Every Journey Begins with One Step — As Hannabert begins the weaning process, Hannah at Hannah and Horn's super power is diminishing.
• Reflections on Weaning - Love Changes Form — Amy from Presence Parenting (guest posting at Dulce de Leche) shares her experience and approach of embracing weaning as a continual process in parenting, not just breastfeeding.
• Weaning Gently: Three Special Ideas for Success — MudpieMama shares three ideas that help make weaning a gentle and special journey.
• Guest Post: Carnival of Weaning — Emily shares her first weaning experience and her hopes for her second nursling in a guest post on Farmer's Daughter.
• 12 Tips for Gentle Weaning — Dr. Laura at Aha! Parenting describes the process of gentle weaning and gives specific tips to make weaning an organic, joyful ripening.
• Quiz: Should You Wean for Fertility Treatments? — Paige at Baby Dust Diaries talks about the key issues in the difficult decision to wean for infertility treatments.
• I thought about weaning... — Kym at Our Crazy Corner of the World shares her story of how she thought about weaning several times, yet it still happened on its own timeline.
• Celebrating Weaning — Amy at Anktangle reflects on her thoughts and feelings about weaning, and she shares a quick tutorial for one of the ways she celebrated this transition with her son: through a story book with photographs!
• Naturally Weaning Twins — Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings discusses the gradual path to weaning she has taken with her preschool-aged twins.
• Gentle Weaning Means Knowing When to Stop — Claire at The Adventures of Lactating Girl writes about knowing when your child is not ready to wean and taking their feelings into account in the process.
• Weaning, UnWeaning, and ReWeaning — Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy discovers non-mutal weaning doesn't have to be the end. You can have a do-over.
• Prelude to weaning — Lauren at Hobo Mama talks about a tough tandem nursing period and what path she would like to encourage her older nursling to take.
• Demands of a Nursing Kind — Amy Willa at Me, Mothering, and Making it All Work shares her conflicted feelings about nursing limits and explores different ways to achieve comfort, peace, and bodily integrity as a nursing mother.
• Breastfeeding: If there's one thing I know for sure... — Wendy at ABCs and Garden Peas explores the question: How do you know when it's time to wean?
• Five, Four, Three, Two, One, Two, Three? — Zoie at TouchstoneZ discusses going from 3 nurslings down to 1 and what might happen when her twins arrive.

Journey to Gentle Discipline: Guest Post from Momma on a Mission

I am always so excited to hear of other journeys to gentle discipline.  It is especially cool when it happens through the Holy Spirit and friends of mine.  I am so grateful both to Anna and Guggie for their friendship, inspiration and all that I learn from them.  You make my life richer!  <3

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I'm pretty new to the concept of non-punitive parenting. Finding my way here has been a long, difficult, and frustrating road for me, but I feel like I've finally come home! I'm going to share a little bit of my story with you today, but just the condensed version because there's something else I want to share with you too.

I grew up in a very pro-spanking home. We were taught that spanking was God's plan, and the only way to raise kids to be Godly adults. So when I became an adult and started having kids of my own, I naturally carried that belief forward with me. Even as I started to question what I'd been taught about birth, breastfeeding, food, women's roles and just about everything else, spanking somehow slid under the radar, safe in it's little pigeonhole in my mind. I thought I was doing something good and "modern" by being open to using other tools too, and saying that different things worked for different kids, and maybe spanking wasn't right for everyone. I definitely thought it was still right for us though!

A couple of months after my son was born, I became friends with Guggie Daly on Facebook. If you know Guggie, you know she's a strong advocate for anything relating to mothers' and child's rights. She's constantly sharing information and starting the most interesting discussions. I liked her! Finally- someone who believed the way I did about birth and breastfeeding! And she seemed to take things to the next level too- I learned so much from her those first couple of months. I also noticed that she was very much anti-spanking. I'd see her post things that spoke out against spanking, or tried to show a different way, and I thought it was a little misguided. I was okay with that though! I told myself that I didn't have to agree with everything that Guggie believed in to be her facebook friend. Just agree to disagree, right? I told myself that she just probably didn't know what the Bible said about spanking, or that she'd taken this hippie thing a little too far. When she'd post something about spanking, I'd usually chuckle to myself and move on.

Until one day, what seemed like out of the blue, I started to struggle within myself about the issue. My heart just couldn't handle spanking my daughter anymore. I still believed in it in my head, but my heart couldn't handle it anymore- and I was totally shocked by that. I had no idea what was going on or what to do with those feelings. I felt like a horrible mother, and some days I felt like I just hated being a mom. I had so looked forward to having kids, and this was not what I expected at all. I lived in a miserable state of limbo, until one day I was on Facebook and Guggie had gone on a positive parenting posting spree again. I knew something about what I was doing had to change, so I took a chance and clicked on one of the links. And for the first time, something clicked in my mind. It was like a light bulb had been turned on. I truly believe it was the Lord that had lead me to that time and place. I finished one article, and clicked to the next, and the next, and the next. And I knew that something permanent had been done in my heart.

Image credit ericmcgregor on Flickr

As they say, the rest is history. Actually, more like history in the making. I've come a long way, but I still have so much to learn. One of the coolest things about the whole process has been watching how God has worked in my heart and even spoken to me directly a time or two. There's one experience in particular I don't think I'll ever forget, and that is what I want to share with you. It had been a particularly rough day, and I was nearing the end of my patience. My kiddos(I have a 3.5 year old and an almost 2 year old) were playing together as I was trying to get something done. I heard my younger one start to cry, and I rushed into the room to separate them for what seemed like the thousandth time. My daughter was nearly on top of my son, pulling on his shirt as he tried to get away. I was so frustrated that I quickly grabbed her up, set her down harshly on the bed, and started yelling at her, "Don't do that! You need to stop. making. him. cry!!!" As her little face melted into tears, I heard the Holy Spirit speak softly into my heart:


"No, you need to stop making her cry."


That cut me to my core. I do need to stop making her cry. And I am. I'm working every day to learn how to be a gentle, loving mother that reflects Christ's love to my children. I'm not perfect, but I'm learning and growing. And for the first time in a long time, I don't feel like a failure as a mother.

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Anna blogs at Momma on a Mission, where she shares her heart and her efforts to build a healthy and happy life for her family. She's blessed to have been married for almost 7 years, and to be a mother to a 2 year old son and 3.5 year old daughter. Anna's interested in all things attachment parenting, but her two biggest passions are birth and breastfeeding. She hopes to be a doula or midwife someday, and to help women during one of the most amazing moments this life has to offer.

The Power of Words--Guest Post by Becky Eanes of Positive Parenting: Toddlers and Beyond

Image credit: edenpictures on Flickr

The Bible has much to say about the power of our tongues. As parents, we have an incredible opportunity to build our children up and to speak blessings into their lives, but so often we fall into the habit of constantly correcting our children or having sharp tongues when we speak to them. When we nitpick, find fault, and criticize our children, we destroy their self–image, and with our negative words, we will open a door, allowing the enemy to bring all sorts of insecurity and inferiority into our child's life.  Such negative words will cause our children to lose the sense of value God has placed within them.

There are many verses in Proverbs relating to the power of our words.  Here are a few.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.  Proverbs 18:21

There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18

Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. Proverbs 16:24

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit. Proverbs 15:4

Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.  Proverbs 17:27

It’s interesting that Romans 12:14 tells us: Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.

If we are to bless those who persecute us, how much more so should we bless our children? I believe our parenting will be profoundly impacted if we study on these scriptures as it relates to how we talk to those whom God has entrusted us with.

Ephesians 4:29 (ESV) tells us: Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Let us be reminded to encourage and build up our children, to intentionally look for and point out their good qualities. Let us be reminded to guard the words that come out of our mouths, that they may only be used to build them up and give them grace.

Psychology is catching up with what the Bible has already taught us, that if we continually speak negative words to our children, their self-concept will be adversely affected.  They see themselves as they believe we see them, and they behave according to that self-concept. 

If we choose to discourage our children, to speak negativity and destruction into their lives, we will give an account to the Lord.

I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak. Matthew 12:36 (ESV)

With authority comes responsibility, and we have the responsibility as the spiritual authority over our children to make sure that they feel loved, accepted, and approved.  Speak blessings over your children daily. Words are powerful both for the one who speaks them and the one who receives them.

Saying a blessing out loud empowers our children to step into their calling. This intentional act has the power to transform their lives and set them on the right path.  Ask God to give you the exact words to share with each of your children, and make time each day to speak this blessing over them. The blessing may look like this:

I bless your life as I know you will become a wonderful woman/man of God. I bless your mind to remain sound and for you to have wisdom and discernment in all decisions. I bless your mouth where words of truth and encouragement will flow. I bless your heart to remain loyal to God’s will for your life. I love everything about you, and I am proud to be your mother. You bless our family and your friends in so many ways.

When we start speaking this over our children, I believe we set them up for success.  No matter how young or old your children are, you can bless them with your words. You can bless them in the crib or bless them when they bring their families to visit you at Christmas.  As their parent, your words are powerful regardless of their age.

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Becky Eanes is the founder of positive-parents.org and Positive Parenting: Toddlers and Beyond on Facebook. She lives with her husband and 2 young sons. She is also one of my heroes.  My family and I have been incredibly blessed by the grace and truth in her writings, and I am so very honored to have her share this post.  <3

Was Jesus Married? Some thoughts by Samuel Martin

I am honored to share an interesting look at the question of Jesus' relationships on earth by Samuel Martin.  Sam is the author of Thy Rod and Thy Staff They Comfort Me: Christians and the Spanking Controversy and a wonderful advocate for loving and grace-filled family relationships.  Check out his blog and his web site. :)

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As far as we know from the Bible, Jesus was not married. There is no specific text that someone can point to and say: “Here it is. This proves Jesus was married.” To say he was married is speculative to be sure. I believe that our Lord was not married and I think there are many proofs that one can point to that show this to be the case. I am working to get all these ideas together and write a serious research study on this subject. It is an extremely topical subject these days.

I have been working on this issue in the back of my mind for years, but now I am starting to get my thoughts down on paper. I will keep you posted on the progress of the larger work as it comes together. This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to answering this question about Jesus and His experience in the flesh.

In that larger work, I will devote considerable space to some pretty involved arguments in favor of Christ being single. As an example, I want to point to one statement made by Christ Himself and its place in the historical context of that period. I believe that it relates to this issue of Him being single. Let’s look at it:

“And seeing a crowd about him, Jesus commanded to depart unto the other side. And one scribe came to him and said, Teacher, I will follow you where ever you go. And Jesus said to him, The foxes have holes, and the birds have nests; but the Son of Man has not where to lay his head.” (Matthew 8:18-20)

Now, this passage is one we find in Matthew. Matthew is a book written from a decidedly Hebraic orientation. That means that the culture of the book, its themes, style, and tone is really oriented to Hebraic thinking and if we keep this in mind when reading this book, it will help us to understand it better. [Note: Of late, I have been doing research in Matthew and have been amazed at the things that I have seen – very exciting ideas to help show us just who Christ was and how He really relates well to humanity as that “Suffering Servant” of Isaiah 53. Will be having much more to say on this going forward as I do more research.]

Now, getting back to the passage, Jesus seems to quite clearly state that He at that moment in time, using His own comparison logically, did not have a residence, as did those animals. Now, maybe He did have a home in (or near) Nazareth, but are we sure He did? How can we know? Isn’t it interesting that while Christ was just near death, He said: “When Jesus therefore saw His mother, and the disciple standing by whom He loved, He said to his mother, Woman, behold, your son! Then said he to the disciple. Behold, your mother! And from that hour the disciple took her unto his own home.” (John 19:26,27) [Note: In the Greek language, the word “home” does not appear, but we understand it from the context that Mary was now to be reckoned as the mother of that disciple and he was to be her son and this meant that she would now be living with him.]

Perhaps after that time referenced in Matthew, Christ and His mother may have had to abandon their home wherever it was due to the fear they had of people seeking to kill Him. Note that after the raising of Lazarus from the dead, Christ retreated to near the border of Samaria (John 11:54) because of a fear of being caught and killed. Had He had a stable residence, at that time, it would not have been safe to go there for fear of being apprehended. By Jesus’ retreat to near the border of Samaria, He may have been positioning himself near that area in case He needed to flee into Samaria quickly. Rousseau in the book “Jesus and His World” mentions this exact point in the article on Ephraim which John 11:54 mentions. (p.87)

Now, this passage in Matthew has that Hebraic orientation that I talked about and we in fact know that the ancient Hebrews had some teachings about married life, housing and the role that having a home and a family played in ones life. They have left us some very interesting quotes to consider which not only bear on the passage in Matthew 8, but also concern the issue of whether or not Jesus was married. Note the following:

“From Deuteronomy 20:5 the Talmud derives the lesson: ‘The Torah teaches the correct procedure: a man should first build a house, then plant a vineyard, and after that marry.’” (Sotah 44a)” (Cohen, Everyman’s Talmud, pg. 162)

This procedure is quite good advice really and we note it even today here in Jerusalem. It is very common for men here today to have to provide the means to marry. A home, a car, holding down a good job, being able to provide for a family, etc. Without these things being in place, men just do not marry and women will not think of marrying someone who cannot provide these necessities. Generally speaking, their families will not allow it or will frown on it strongly and put pressure on a girl to either wait until the man is in a better position to provide these things or urge her to move one to someone else.  

We can consider this issue when looking back on that passage in Matthew where Jesus indicates that He, at that time, did not have a place to rest his head. If He did not have a stable home, there is almost no conceivable way that He could have been married. It would seemingly have been a violation of the cultural norms at that time.

Cohen also continues with the very interesting following statement:

“A wife meant a home; hence the saying, ‘a man’s home is his wife’ (Yoma 1.1), and Rabbi Jose said, ‘Never have I called my wife by that word (e.g. – He never spoke of his wife as “his wife”), but always ‘my home.’ (Shab.118b).” (ibid.)

This is a lovely and deserved tribute to the wife of Rabbi Jose. It is a bit poetic and Middle Eastern culture is prone to such speech. Even today, I am always happy to hear my brother in law talking to his wife calling her “Ruhi,” (my spirit), or “Elbi, (my heart) or “Umri,” (my life). Makes my own “honey’s” and “darlings” seem a bit lacking certainly poetically speaking. Having said that, what we are talking about here really are terms which denote and point to a oneness relationship that loving married couples feel for one another.

These types of terms are used quite commonly even today and we can see from the Rabbi’s statement, he chose to call his wife “Beti” (my home). To him, having a wife was synonymous with having a home. The two were inseparable.

Now, once again consider that passage from Matthew in light of this statement. Jesus said he did not have a home at that time. Chances are that if he did not have a stable home, He also did not have a wife either and, of course, it goes without saying that this meant that Jesus would identify strongly with those who never knew the warm lovely marital embrace that married couples share, enjoy and engage in with the view to creating a family.

This was a part of God’s plan for Christ to experience not the best that humanity has to offer (which marriage, a family, children, a home and the loving warm embrace of that special someone). No! Christ came to earth to experience the worst that humanity has to offer.

He was born in ignominy, grew up as a tender plant, like a root out of a dry ground (Isaiah 53), must have been teased as a kid because people knew of the supposed ‘situation’ surrounding His birth, was not attractive (ibid), was sickly (ibid. and Luke 4:23), was poor, was rejected by His local community, was persecuted, and finally was killed in a most heinous painful way. This, of course, He did for you and I and went through these experiences bearing the sins of the world, not only the day He died, but throughout his whole life (Matthew 8:17).

Can you imagine how He must have felt going to weddings? Seeing the love of those who were soon to be married and to enter the grace of life together? Knowing that He would never have children or have the feeling of one’s own child saying “Abba”? Pretty hard stuff in a culture where the very first commandment of all is “be fruitful and multiply.”

Summing Up

When we look at that previously referenced passage in Matthew in light of some of these ideas, we can see that if Jesus was married, he was certainly operating outside of the some of the cultural norms of that period. This is just one point to consider when we are asking the question of whether or not our Lord was married. I will bring out more research on this issue in the near future. I look forward very much to your comments and feedback.

Biography of Samuel Martin

Samuel Martin was born in England and is the youngest child of Dr. Ernest L. and Helen R. Martin, who are both Americans. He lived in the UK for the first seven years of his life before moving to the USA with his family at age seven. He lived in the USA until 2001 when he married a native Israeli and relocated to live in Jerusalem. He and his wife, Sonia, have two daughters.

His experience with biblical scholarship began at an early age. His father, Dr. Ernest L. Martin (1932-2002), initiated a program in conjunction with Hebrew University and Prof. Benjamin Mazar, where over a five year period, some 450 college students came to work on an archaeological excavation in Jerusalem starting in 1969 (See Time Magazine, September 3, 1973, article ˝Digging for Credit.). Since that first trip, Samuel has visited Israel on 14 different occasions living more than five years of his life in the country. He has toured all areas of Israel as well as worked in several archaeological excavations.

Besides his experiences in his youth, he also worked on an excavation in northern. Israel under the supervision of Dr. Eilat Mazar of Hebrew University in Jerusalem and participated in a survey in the Judean Desert related to the Dead Sea Scrolls under the guidance of Dr. Robert Eisenman (CSU, Long Beach and author of "James, the brother of Jesus - Viking Penguin: 1997) and Dr. James D. Tabor (UNC, Charlotte and author of The Jesus Dynasty - Simon and Schuster: 2006).

His interests include social studies and the Bible, Hebrew studies and science as it relates to the Bible. He holds a B.A. degree with a special focus on Middle Eastern studies from Portland State University in Oregon. He was raised in an environment of high level Biblical scholarship. His father held a MA in Theology and a Ph.D. in Education and he is well known for his work concerning the Nativity of Jesus Christ (see Elwell, Dictionary of Evangelical Theology, article, Nativity of Jesus Christ or see www.hillsdale.edu/imprimis/1996/Dec96Imprimis.pdf) plus many other books and publications on the Bible.

Guest Post: Fun and Simple Ways for Stay-at-Home Moms to Earn Extra Cash

You may be in that stage of parenting where your kids have all started school, and you have a few hours every day of quiet solitude in the house. Sometimes that quiet solitude can become monotonous and uninteresting. If you are a stay-at-home-mom looking for a hobby to fill in a few hours of the day, why not choose a new hobby that could potentially help you earn a little extra money? Listed below are a few suggestions.

1. Design and create your own hair bows: I have seen some mothers sell their hair bows for great prices and other moms always buy! To get started, you can use a free instructional guide found on the internet or purchase an instructional book from a bookstore. Clips, ribbons, headbands and other materials can all be purchased at your local craft store or even at Wal-Mart. Sell your hair bows at school events or host a selling party at your home.

2. Crocheting: This is not an easy hobby to learn, but once mastered, crocheting provides an excellent opportunity for stay-at-home moms to create unique items that will sale like hotcakes! It may be best to find a crocheting group that you can meet with a few times per week or month, as this is a craft that is best learned from a mentor. Once mastered, you could even create your own crocheting group; maybe even charge a small fee to teach others.

3. Compiling neighborhood recipes and creating a “neighborhood” cookbook: This is an idea that could range from a small task to a large project, depending on the size of your neighborhood. If you attend church, consider asking members if they would like to submit a recipe and donate a percentage of proceeds to a local charity. If the book will be less than 20 pages and you will be printing less than 20 copies, consider typing the book on your home computer and printing and binding it (with plastic comb binders) on your own, as well. The profit from this project may not be great, but the product of the project will be remembered by you and your neighbors forever.

4. Handmade Christmas Ornaments: If you are especially artistic and crafty, this is another hobby that has a potential of producing big bucks. Materials can usually be purchased for a relatively small amount at your local craft store. Ideas for ornaments can be found online, in books or from other ornaments for sale in stores. Display your product at local football games or other school events, and advertise that you will be giving a certain percentage of your proceeds to that school activity.

Whichever hobby you pursue, don’t get frustrated if life gets busy and you have to put a project aside for a few days. Remember, the goal is not necessarily making money but using your free time to enrich your life by learning and creating something new. And if you can teach your children your new hobby, all the better!
Denise Keene has been a Special Ed teacher for 15 years now and likes to write articles about various related topics. She also owns the site Masters In Special Education.

Growing Smarter Children--Guest Post from Shelley Joy

Image credit familymwr on Flickr

I have learned many things throughout the years working with children and families. I have never met a parent who did not want his child to be smart and to do well in school. This unanimous goal holds true regardless of the socio-economical, cultural, educational, professional, or geographical differences within families. Each of us wants to raise bright children who do well. And who wouldn't want their child to do be successful, smart, and self-reliant?

An almost universal conviction is our children are a reflection of ourselves. We must keep our children clean. A dirty and unkempt child is a sign that, somehow, we have failed as parents. This is not necessarily so!

When I worked as an early childhood educator and administrator, parents would often complain of how dirty their child was at the end of the day. They were splattered with paint and glue and often times their feet were encrusted with mud between their toes. Even the most stalwart parent would cringe at the sight of their messy child!

There is a secret formula to "make kids smart." Let them get dirty! To the parents who expressed their desire for smart children, I would say, "I can make your child smart, but you have to let me let them get dirty! I can make them just a little smart and let them get a little dirty, or I can make them really smart and let them get a lot dirty. It is your child and definitely your choice."

Children learn best through play. It is their work! And play is often dirty, messy work. Play enables children to progress naturally through the developmental stages necessary to acquire reading and writing skills in school, as well as the important socio-emotional skills required to become successful and self-reliant students. Child initiated play, supported and facilitated by loving adults, is the single most important factor in early childhood learning.

Image credit nowviskie on Flickr

Children learn by doing
Children need years of play with real objects and events before they are able to understand the meaning of symbols such as letters and numbers. Learning takes place as young children touch, manipulate, and experiment with things and interact with people. Throughout early childhood, concepts and language gradually develop to enable children to understand more abstract or symbolic information. Children learn by manipulating their environment and materials, and the messier the better!

Activities should be open-ended, meaning there is no right or wrong way to use materials. Children are their own best teachers through the process of "doing," with the focus on process rather than product. Any activity that stimulates one dimension of development and learning affects other dimensions as well.

Mud, sand, and water along with cornstarch and water, are excellent open-ended materials. Combine these materials with regular household items such as spatulas, whisks, plastic measuring cups and bowls, and nature's finest learning materials turn into imaginative creations of expression and creativity.

Crayons, markers, paper, and glue are other open-ended materials that, combined with buttons, glitter, colored salt, and old magazines, make astonishing collages that are process-oriented.

Make a bowl of pudding and finger paint. The texture of pudding makes smooth and practical finger paint for young children. Add food coloring or a scented flavoring extract, like vanilla, almond, or citrus for a heightened sensory experience.

Preschool-age children enjoy the smooth, soft, and fluffy feeling of shaving cream as finger paint. Allow your preschool child to paint directly on the kitchen table if you desire. Shaving cream is easy to clean and leaves the room smelling fresh.

Using real household items, rather than child size plastic replicas, gives value and integrity to children's projects. Children enjoy, and also learn, by doing "real" work. Mortar and pestles for grinding, scrapers for scraping, wooden spoons for stirring, and wire whisks for whisking, make excellent "toys" for children.

Image credit david.james55 on Flickr

Fresh herbs, cinnamon sticks, cornmeal, and dried flowers are wonderful for grinding, scraping, and stirring. Children learn by using their senses: Imagine the smell of freshly ground herbs, cinnamon, and flowers! Simply add water, and you have a new "recipe" for success.

Garage sale pots and pans are excellent for "cooking" and recipes for learning. Just as easily, pots and pans also magically turn into the basics of a rhythm band.

Dollar store gardening tools that are not sharp, such as hand trowels and scoops, make excellent and long lasting sand toys and are great for digging worms.

Save old food boxes, cartons, and packages for children to use as props for their "house." When they begin to become worn and torn, as they will, throw them away and provide new ones.

Take a walk with your child in the rain, jump in a mud puddle, take off your shoes, and feel the mud between your toes!

Ordinary dish soap in a wash pan with water makes an excellent base for bubbles. Bubbles are joy-filled and magical. Use wire whisks, straws, strainers, and even your own hands to create different sized bubbles and a delightful "science" project. Dish soap in a small wading pool with water and a hula-hoop will add magic to any hot summer day and you'll have the entire neighborhood begging for more.

Real and authentic experiences are remembered. They are integrated into the very heart of the child simply because they are real. Authentic experiences are child-powered, not battery powered. They are experiences that integrate concrete, real-life experiences that are the key to motivated, meaningful learning in kindergarten and the primary grades. You say you want smart children? Let them play and get dirty!

Shelley is the author of Little Bird You are Perfect and numerous articles on parenting and enjoying life.  You can also find her on Facebook, where she is offers up encouragement and inspiration.  <3  I am so grateful for her voice of peace, love and joy in my life! <3

The Gift of Surrogate Grandparents--Guest Post by Darla Haas

I am so honored to share this post from a lovely lady who has been special to my family for many years!  I am also unspeakably grateful for the incredible richness I have received in grandparents and surrogate grandparents.  They have added so many beautiful memories, and a wealth of spiritual blessing and wisdom.  I am so thankful that my children are also able to spend time with their grandparents.

Darla with her newest grandbaby, Katie

My paternal grandmother died while my dad was still a young man serving in the Air Force and before he had met and married my mother so I never knew the woman from whom I inherited my blue eyes and dimpled cheeks.  My grandfather later married a woman who either lacked the desire or the willingness to deal with small children; subsequently memories of being with that set of grandparents is virtually nonexistent.

      

On the other hand, the distinct personalities of my maternal grandparents are etched firmly in my mind but because we lived across the country from them most of my childhood those cherished visits were not nearly as frequent as we would have liked.

       

This distance, physical with one set of grandparents and emotional with the other, left a carved out void which a wonderful elderly couple would later fill.  I had no idea at the time what an invaluable gift I was being given and what an important contribution these two were making to the foundation of my beautiful childhood. 

        

My younger sister and I spent countless hours on this couple’s small farm helping with chores, playing with the animals, making mud pies outdoors and child-sized biscuits indoors, chasing butterflies and fireflies in the summer and gathering firewood in the winter.  We slept in goose down feather beds, drank warm milk flavored with coffee from real china cups and saucers, explored antiques in the attic and retrieved canned goods from the cellar.  We rode Nellie, the old farm horse bareback, rode the tractor on occasion and rode into town on Saturdays to visit the feed mill.  Sound like an idyllic experience for a child?  You bet it was!

       

After I had three children of my own and witnessed the exquisite delight both sets of grandparents found in them and the special place these adults had in the minds and hearts of my offspring I knew how important my set of “adopted” grandparents had been in supplying that same experience for me.

      

Although some of you reading this are lucky enough to have the support and involvement of grandparents in your children’s lives, others are not.  Much of this modern day estrangement has more to do with job related displacement than complicated emotional issues.  But whatever the reason for its absence I have deep regret for those not able to relish and realize the joy of grandparents.

      

My reason for writing this article, however, is to encourage you and open your mind to the possibility of finding a surrogate grandparent for your child.  This is a blessing that can definitely benefit both ways.  Several years ago my family made a job related move to Anchorage, Alaska.   My mother, who was widowed and extremely attached to our children, was devastated.   While I knew this move was the best thing for our family, I also worried about Mom being lonely in our absence.

      

One day as my mother sat down with her Bible, she absentmindedly opened it and her eyes fell upon Psalms 68:8 “He places the solitary in families”.  She began to weep as she told the Lord how alone she felt with us 2,000 miles away and how she missed the frequent interaction with family.   A few weeks later she met a wonderful family with whom there was an instant connection.  They had two children who were desperately needing a grandmother figure in their lives and my mom had a ton of grandmother love to give!  Theirs became a beautiful relationship which has lasted to his day.  Those “grandchildren” are now parents themselves and though Mom has since moved to another state they maintain contact through letters, cards, pictures, phone calls and even an occasional visit.

      

God places people in families for a reason.  It’s a place where we feel celebrated, accepted, wanted and loved.  It’s the soil that nurtures us as we grow into everything God Our Creator intended for us to be.   Grandparents are like special nutrients in that soil.  They can boost a child’s self-esteem, add an enhanced sense of security, delight in each small accomplishment and because they often live life at a more relaxed pace than a child’s parents, can sometimes offer relief in our much hurried world.

     

 Perhaps life has gifted you with this wonderful asset for raising your children.  If not, may I strongly suggest that you go to the Lord on behalf of your children and make a request?    Scripture says that God loves to give good gifts to His children.  And from my experience a surrogate grandparent is a good gift indeed!

   

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I graduated with a teaching degree from Murray State University with a major in English and a minor in Spanish.  I've taught in 3 states:  Texas, Kentucky and Indianna, but mainly have been a stay-at-home mom. 
I've always been very involved in women's ministry and in various community activities wherever we've lived.  Here in Little Rock I've served on the Board of Directors of Women and Children First, a shelter for battered and abused women and their children and have directed various efforts and programs there.  I also was on the board of Second Genesis, a program for women exiting the prison system and trying to re-enter society.  I taught parenting classes for that group and mentored several of the women one-on-one.  My passion is to encourage women in their roles as wives, mothers and friends and to help enhance their sense of worth and to appreciate their own individuality. I'm married to Dr. David Haas who has a private practice in psychiatry and in addition works with a number of youth ranches that house children who have been removed from unstable or unfit homes.  We have 3 married children, 2 grandbabies and a third one on the way.
My hobbies are travel, cooking, reading and sometimes doing guest blogs for really special people!

    

Lead by Example--Guest Post from The Hippie Housewife

Cynthia is the mother of two little boys, an inquisitive preschooler and an energetic toddler. She blogs at The Hippie Housewife, where she shares her thoughts on attachment parenting, natural living, life as a Jesus-follower, and more, all tied together through her journey towards a more intentional life.

Image credit storem on Flickr

Lead by example.

It's well-worn advice, but well-worn for a reason: It's good advice. We should never underestimate the power of our example. Our children, our husbands, and others can all be affected - positively or negatively - by what we model in our lives.

There is perhaps no area this applies to more than that of parenting, particularly for those of us who choose to use gentle discipline as we raise our children. How might this play out in our lives?

We can lead our children by our example. Our children look to us for cues and guidance. What do they see? Would we want them to model their lives after our own? Consider these three major areas:

• Personal life: Knowing that our children are watching should give us pause to examine our priorities and habits. Do they see a life of self-discipline or one of chaos? Do they see and hear us meditating on Scripture as we go about our day? What holds our attention and takes up our time? Even the way we make decisions and resolve conflict can be examples for our children. Narrating our decision-making process out loud allows them to hear how we work through a decision or conflict from start to finish.
• How we relate to others: Our children observe the way we relate to others as well. Do we intentionally seek to build community? Do we maintain firm, healthy boundaries in our lives? Do we extend grace and compassion, or do our children hear us criticizing others at every opportunity?
• How we treat our children: Children learn what they live. The way we treat our children becomes the basis upon which they view themselves and interact with others. Our actions and attitudes towards our children should model God's love for them. Do we demand perfection from them while excusing our own weaknesses? Do we offer forgiveness when they do wrong, and ask their forgiveness when we wrong them? Do we treat them compassionately and offer them grace when they need it? What do our words, actions, and attitudes tell our children about their Heavenly Father?

We can lead our husbands by our example. When I am parenting with intention, my husbands adopts those same gentle perspectives and tools. Unfortunately, this works both ways. Without fail, the minute I start being harsh with our children, my husband follows suit. My words come out of his mouth. My attitudes become glaringly apparent in the way he acts towards the boys. Good or bad, he picks up on the way I treat our children. Like it or not, a mother truly does set the tone for her household.

Many a father will balk at the idea of gentle discipline. And yet our husbands will hear us when we use positive scripts with our children and they will see the gentle discipline tools we use. They will also see how the children respond and the fruit it brings forth both in them and in our relationships with them. More often than not, the reluctant father will begin to follow suit in time. A quiet "leading by example" approach is often far more effective than a direct theoretical discussion.

We can lead others by our example. The best way to advocate for gentle discipline is to live it. A consistent, calm response to our children's behaviour will be noticed by those around us. Rather than "parenting to the crowd", focus on your child and parent them. Let your fruit speak for itself.

At the same time, we must remain humble enough to look to the example of other experienced mothers. Another gentle-minded mother can be an invaluable role model, sounding board, and encouragement. Seek the support and wisdom of others who hold the same values you do.

Begin by following Jesus' example for us. All of this should be rooted in a firm and sincere desire to ultimately follow Jesus' example. Jesus welcomed children and lauded their unquestioning faith. He spoke life-giving words of encouragement to the hurting. He gave thanks to the Father in all things. He reminded us that whatever we do for the "least of these", we do for the Lord - feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, caring for the sick. He commanded us to love God and to love others as ourselves, and His ministry on earth serves as a model for just that.

Live your faith, model your values, and lead by example.

In what ways do you find your example leads those around you?

Finding the Balance--Guest Post from Little Bird You are Perfect

Image credit nerdcoregirl on Flickr

Finding the Balance

For many years, I made a yearly trek to San Diego for my summer “fix” to beat the Arizona heat. Each year I would seek out a gentle fellow who spent his days at Sea Port Village on the rocky portion of the beach using rocks and boulders of all shapes and sizes to make formations. He spent hours and hours of each day balancing enormous boulders atop of very small stones in what all seemed to be a mish-mash of shapes, sizes, and textures. What he was doing seemed an impossible feat. It also seemed an impractical task! How could he balance these unwieldy rocks and why? One day, in the middle of the normal hustle and bustle of day-to-day life, his vocation and message became increasingly clear to me.

The secret to a successful life, of managing all of the impossible tasks of parenthood, the obstacles, the odd assortment of delays, challenges, frustrations, and the simple daily trials of parenting, was in FINDING AND MAINTAINING THE BALANCE. This is what made this rock building man successful at what he was doing. He had clearly found the balance in what seemed like an impossible task. In order for us as parents to be truly successful in everything we do, it is imperative that we find the balance and harmony in our daily lives.

Finding and maintaining the balance in our everyday lives sometimes requires conscious choices and making changes within our lifestyles. There are many ways to make these changes by simply incorporating them into daily routines.

• When playing with my child, I purposely created stimulating times as well as, times that were soothing. This freed me from the having to make and keep rules about being too wild, getting the house too messy, or monitoring the “loud factor”. It also provided me with the tranquil times to honor the peace within me and to recognize the gentleness of my daughter’s own peace.
• I made the time to appreciate myself the way I appreciated others. Candle-lit bubble baths often seemed to help me realize how special I really was!
• I began to plan times for messy activities as well as, times to “clean up the house”. Setting a specific time for giant mess-making granted permission for both my daughter and for me, to experiment, explore, and learn about what made things tick. Sometimes, there is simply a need to just have silly fun with your children.
• I purposely took the time to appreciate and recognize my active daughter for the wonder that she was, as well as, appreciating the time she was sitting quietly.
• I made time to be with others and scheduled time to be alone. Just as purposefully as I made time to work, I found time to play. I turned off the phone during dinner and drew a sharp line of distinction between my work “family” and my home family.
• When I played with my daughter, I tried to remember the importance of both talking and listening.

It was more difficult to recognize the importance of sharing myself but not giving my whole self away without replenishing. It needs to be an ever-constant assignment for each parent to continue to practice until we get it right. Practice using yourself, without using yourself up.

I gave myself permission to know that sometimes I would be right and sometimes I would be wrong. It is all OK.

I began to allow myself and my daughter the opportunity to share ALL emotions; finding the balance of appropriate and harmful displays of those emotions.

I tried to remember to pay special recognition of my child’s joy, but also tried to take time to recognize a poignant or wistful time too.

I enjoyed those occasions that I was able to teach my daughter, and equally, if not more, cherished the times I had to learn from her.

Years passed until I had the opportunity to look again for the steady and balanced builder in Sea Port Village. To my personal disappointment, I discovered he was no longer there. I can only believe that he finally found his perfect balance and did not need to sit down in his rocky alcove anymore.

Finding my own perfect balance continues to take practice and is a highly personal experience. What worked for me as a young parent has shifted, changed, and been modified at times especially during my daughter’s adolescent years. She is now away from home; a young mommy herself. I am a Grandmother. Once again, I find the need to seek to find my own inner balance. However, I am confident, that like the gentle man at Sea Port Village, when we need to allow ourselves the time, the patience, and the opportunity, we can and do find it…somewhere under our own little pile of rocks. 

Shelley is the author of Little Bird You are Perfect and numerous articles on parenting and enjoying life.  You can find her on Facebook, where she is constantly offering up encouragement and inspiration.  <3  I am so grateful for her voice of peace, love and joy in my life! <3

Guest Post: Breastfeeding Saved My Son's Life

Hi! I am Sasha and I write about my life abundant with my husband and 7 children over at One Rich Mother.  Below is a post I originally featured on my blog and is re-posted here with my permission.  I adore the Dulce and feel honored that she would share my writing with her much loved readers.  I hope mine and my son's story helps to strengthen your own commitment to the beauty and importance of the nursing relationship. 

Breastfeeding Saved My Son's Life.

Or at least I believe so, let me explain.
Our son was born on a gorgeous June day in 2006 weighing 8 pounds 7 ounces and was 21 inches long.  He was quiet at birth but even without the strong "Hello Word It's ME!" cry that you usually hear our baby seemed perfectly healthy and took to nursing like a champ from moment one.  So it took everyone by surprise that by the time he was 6 months old he had not grown as expected.  He was a chubby little guy, but he had hardly grown in length at all.

Our son 6 months old

(sorry about the photo quality we had a really bad camera at the time)

Our pediatrician ran some test and our son was given that dreaded label no parent wants to hear "Failure to Thrive".  That night as we were preparing for bed we got a call for us to go to the children's hospital.  Our son's blood work had came back and his sodium was dangerously low, our pediatrician sounded so worried over the phone.  I asked if we could wait until tomorrow.  Her response?  "No, you dont understand how serious this is, you have to leave now, just put him in the car and go now."  We were terrified.

Once at the children hospital we were entered into a whole new world of doctors and specialist and something always in the background going beep.  We never did figure out what caused his low sodium levels but now after the birth of the twins I suspect he also had Pseudohypoaldosteronism just a less sever case. 

The doctors at the children's hospital were also concerned about our baby's lack of growth and that is when the real roller-coaster started.  We tested for one disease after another and still it remained a mystery.  Finally they suspected a brain tumor and we were told he would need a MRI. 

As you probably already know you have to lay completely still to have a MRI done so for a little guy, like our son was, you have to sedate them so they will not move during the test.  This would be the first test that either my husband or I would not be able to hold him through and it was breaking our hearts.  We went to the little waiting room they have down the hall from the machine and held him until the medication did its work and he was "under".  Handing him off to the nurse that came to get him for the MRI was one of the hardest things I had ever done up to that point in my life.

We sat nervously in the room holding hands.  My husband suggested cards, I said no, my heart wouldn't let me do anything but crave my little boy back in my arms.  Finally after an agonizingly long wait the door to the room was flung open by a frazzled nurse who quickly barked a rather unexpected question "You still breastfeed right?"  Confused I answered her yes and she grabbed me by the arm and started rushing me down the hall.  In tears I walked into a room to see my little boy motionless on the table with a team of doctors and nurses surrounding him and alarms going off everywhere.  The nurse told me to nurse my baby "You cant pick him up but lean over him and let him nuzzle you."  Crying almost hysteric I did as she told me to.  For just a moment he made no response but then his head turned to me and he made a soft little grunting noise as I put my nipple into his mouth.  He was too weak to suckle but he began to breath softly and then, like magic, the alarms stopped and everything calmed down.  I became aware that the room of doctors and nurses slowly started thinning out with several of them shaking their heads in amazement "I cant believe that worked, she was right."  The nurse just grinned as she double checked machines and straightened things back up and with a wink said "Of course I was."

Yes, she was right and I thank God for that angel of mercy and whoever it was that taught her to be so wise about the nursing relationship.  Breastfeeding is more than just a way to give your baby food, it is an unimaginable bond between mother and child.  Something so powerful that even the feel of my breast and the smell of me, his mother, was enough to, I believe, save my son's life.

*Our son did not have a tumor.  Almost a month later it was discovered my sons failure to grow as expected was due to him having Growth Hormone Deficiency, also known as Pituitary Dwarfism.

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I am so honored and grateful to Sasha for sharing her beautiful story.  If you haven't yet checked out her blog, please do, and don't forget to like her on Facebook!  Her writings are lovely reflections of the richness of love in her heart and family.  <3