Saturday, March 3, 2012

Not-So-Super Powers

My little sweetlings love playing super heroes.  They race around making appropriate noises for all of their pretend super powers--beeps, whirs, laser sounds, flying webs--and in their imaginations, they are capable of anything.

It turns out that my mutant gifted children do have amazing powers that I never imagined before becoming a mom.  Sadly, these powers are not always used for good.  I will refrain from labeling my own kidlets villains, but here are a few of their not-so-super powers:

  • Sharpie generators.  I learned quickly that kids and permanent markers don't mix.  At first, I merely hid the markers.  When that proved ineffective, I tossed them and only purchased washable ones.  Once I discovered to my dismay that the washable part of that was not a guarantee, I stopped buying them altogether.  That was years ago.  Despite ruthless, swift destruction of every marker that we find, they continually appear.  My husband and I gaze at each other in consternation. Suspicious accusations, "Did you buy that?"  followed by sincerely horrified, indignant denials have convinced both of us that our children possess a remarkable ability to replicate them out of thin air.  Or possibly transform them from ordinary socks or hair clips, which always go missing.
  • Levitation.  I used to wish I could fly, and even jumped from our (low) roof with a trash-bag parachute once.  My children can do the real thing.  Not always, of course.  But if anything (such as the aforementioned markers, lipstick, my chocolate stash or any other forbidden object) is placed up high, they develop ninja skills more convincing than any of the old Japanese movies.  Even the toddler can ascend to the top of the refrigerator in a split second.  
  • Interruptor sensors.  Forget shining the bat signal.  My children have a much more reliable sensor that detects not only when I am on an important phone call or conversation, but is even attuned to the exact degree of  urgency or seriousness involved.  They will be happily engaged, playing quietly until it begins.  Their sensor instantly alerts them.  If it is a casual chat with a friend, they will have correspondingly casual questions or requests.  If it is my boss or something similar, they will not rest until they have succeeded in diffusing the call, using ear-splitting shrieks as needed.
  • Techno prowess.  I consider myself reasonably competent when it comes to electronics.  Even when VCRs were common, I never had problems programming them.  The digital clock on our stove always tells the correct time.  My children, though, surpass me by far.  They have all possessed an uncanny, infallible instinct from babyhood for pressing the precise button to delete saved programs, turn off any show a sibling was watching, and erase any document I was working on.  I won't even mention the number of deleted apps.  Even if they were still crawling, they would somehow use the aforementioned ninja skills to reach buttons that were, to all appearances, far out of reach.  On a related note, they are also able to cause remotes to materialize and dematerialize at will. 
I love and accept my children for who they are.  I am a little concerned that their super powers so often seem to be used for nefarious purposes.  But there is one more ability that is always used for good: they give the most powerful, loving and healing hugs in any universe.  What amazing abilities do your little ones possess?


Little Hearts/Gentle Parenting Resources said...

Lol, love this because it's soooo true! And great minds really do think alike...just yesterday I wrote about Captain America and Stan Lee in a literacy-superpower related post!

Mike and Christie said...

I will never forget our son at 3, who is now 33, putting me in a web like Spiderman, when I told him it was nap time. He was so seriously funny. I fell into his pretend web and struggled to get out, and then declared it was nap time again. He happily went to his bed. Just a few seconds of powerful joy was all it took. :) I wonder how he would have felt if I had not played with him and his pretend web and just rushed him to his nap?
I just love kids. :)

Karen said...

My friend once said that her kids can hear an erection. It must be true... no matter how deeply asleep they appear, they can always wake up to try and prevent a sibling.

mudpiemama said...

So funny!! We do lots of superhero play here too, last week my five year old dressed as super why to visit four year old can make chocolate disappear in a flash! Awesome post!!

Pippi said...

This gave me a good laugh. I love it.
Unfortunately, my boys mostly try to act out their superhero fantasies on each other - each claiming the other to be a villian and therefore in need of a sound thrashing. *sigh*