"Just I was beginning to make peace with that side of my personality, I married an extroverted Hispanic who loves to host parties. And we had four kids. That we decided to homeschool. Suddenly, I was caught in the tension of my expectations and who I really am. I watched with envy as my mother in law played with the kidlets for hours at a time. Although I love them more than life itself, playing for more than a few minutes leaves my soul gasping for breath. I read blogs and posts by amazing moms warning of the need to put down our phones and be fully engaged with our children, and felt weighted down with terrible shame and guilt for the number of times I check Facebook during a day.
My kids need friends, and some days I feel like I am failing them because playdates don’t come naturally to me. I am not shy, exactly–I will talk about anything with anybody. It is more like easily overwhelmed. Competing noises from several people at once fry my mind. And related, but different, is that I suck at small talk. My brain just totally freezes. Not to mention the inherent difficulties of focusing on a visit with another adult when I am constantly keeping one eye and ear on the kidlets.
Did I mention that there are four of them? Each only two years apart? And that I am with them all day every day? The truth is that that *is* working for our family. But I had to let go of a few things."