A fashion rant

Those of you who know me in real life are probably giggling incredulously already. I am one of the least qualified people in the world to demonstrate any knowledge of or regard for fashion. Until I graduated from college, I basically lived in baggy T-shirts and jeans. Once I began teaching, my wardrobe was a simple rotation of black and khaki slacks with some solid colored blouses. I could probably sum things up by saying that my interest in shoes is so minimal that the only heels I have are ones my mother passed on to me about 14 years ago, and that they have been supplemented by a pair of brown sandals and one of black for summer, as well as a pair each of black and brown boots for winter (the brown boots were also given to me, around twelve years ago).

I appreciate other people who dress well. I am not sure exactly what caused my own fashion sense to become so terribly stunted. I could blame homeschooling, or not having extra money to keep up with trends while I was growing up, but I've met many homeschooled and/or not-wealthy families that are stylishly dressed. I think it is something similar to my issue with depth perception. I just don't have an eye that puts things together that way.

So what has aroused my ire? Maternity clothes. Now, I know that if I were willing to shop at better stores (aka pay more money) I would have more options. But, this is most likely my last pregnancy, and I don't particularly want to invest a lot of money in clothes that I will only wear for a few months. I've been able to use a lot of stuff that I had before, but two of the previous pregnancies ended in winter, and I am not the same size as I was in the summer one. At home, I tend to wear extra large mens' T-shirts and sleep pants, but unfortunately, that is not considered acceptable professional attire for work. With the warm weather I've been looking for short-sleeved shirts, and my temperature has risen even higher.

I found a few blouses that had nice fabric and colors that I liked OK, but the cut! They resembled doll clothes from several decades past. I tried a couple on and looked like an extremely large two year old. Puffy little sleeves, ruffles, bows--ick. I found some others that had a more adult style, but it was a bit...too adult. Perhaps I should add that I am extremely generously endowed across the bosom. Lactation has nothing to do with size, but if it did, I could nurse septuplets with ease. I am used to having to adjust for that. As I tried on top after top in assorted sizes, they either had weird lines that came only half way down my chest, bisecting my boobs horizontally, or they were so low cut that I could have breastfed my kidlets without even adjusting my shirt at all. Yes, I am an outspoken lactavist, but I don't need to be virtually topless to do it! I even found several shirts that managed to combine all three offenses--baby doll touches with a plunging neckline still meant for someone with smaller breasts.

Finally, I just started looking in the plus size section. Some of the same problems were present there, too, of course, but I found two very reasonably priced blouses that fit perfectly and were comfortable. It was a start, at least. I need another pair of pants, though. I have a black pair that fit, but need a brown or beige pair. Who knows, maybe I might get wild and branch out. Anyone want to be a fashion consultant for me? Allow me to add that if you nominate me for What Not to Wear, I would be far more grateful than humiliated. :)