I haven't really disappeared. I've been busy, but in a good way the last week or two. School is starting this week. We're homeschooling and loving it. Ariana did over 15 pages of math today and kept begging for more. Normally, I'd like to mix it up and not just do worksheets, but how do you tell a child, "No, you have done too many pages of math exercises"? She also loved her reading comprehension book and amazed me at how easily she read the stories aloud and then answered all the questions. I am excited to see how much she loves learning, and really want to keep that alive.
I am finding that, unlike her, I have to keep going over and over and over basic things that I thought I had already learned.
Trust. God has never let me down. I know that He deserves my trust. I could recite all the Christianese platitudes. Yet, I still find myself being anxious. Last night, Ariana started telling us about some fears, and we reminded each other that God is a shield for us. We talked about David and others who had faced fears and how God defended them. Truthfully, I needed the reminder as much as she did.
We don't wrestle against other people, but against spiritual forces. I knew that the situation I alluded to in a previous post wasn't a case of human misunderstandings or even personality clash or anything else. It was simply an attack against us. Even so, I kept wanting to focus on the person who was doing it. I went through numerous arguments in my head where I expressed in precise detail the contempt, fury and intense dislike I had for this person. Not loving or Christlike, and not the right target.
I started doing the same thing with the kids, responding to a few misguided attempts at play and exploration that resulted in messes as if they were malicious, conniving attempts to strain my sanity. (We cleaned up and then refilled love cups with a bookstore-run that included the best frozen mochas we've ever had, some great stories and lots of cuddles).
I apologize that I still can't share details of the sticky situation here, but I will say that I believe God intervened today, and I hope that it has been resolved. Even if it hasn't been completely taken care of, I feel confident that it will be. I am very, very grateful for the prayers of my friends here. Thanks for caring and for your encouragement. I am so glad that God doesn't get disgusted with my need for review. He is always patient.
Sometimes, I think of things that my children or even husband "should" already know. It is easy to get impatient when it is something that we've already been over. I want to show the same generosity and patience that I have been shown. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to review the parable of the unmerciful servant while I'm at it.