In which I am fascinated by my own navel...

You know the message board posts that get the (bloggy) disclaimer in the title?  Yeah, this is just going to be a bunch of self-absorbed musings, so read at your own risk. :)

The first (and pretty much only) time I ever thought of myself as a writer, I was five.  I wrote a little story about a rabbit called, "Where's my PJs?".  I never said PJs, always pajamas.  But I knew that this little rabbit would say PJs.  He just would.  It was exciting to have this character in my head that did and said things because he was, not because I was consciously creating it.

I was always making up stories in my mind, but they didn't make it to paper.  I actually disliked the physical writing.  And if it was a requirement?  Well, obligation can destroy the joy in just about anything.  School just about strangled any pleasure in writing permanently.  By sixth grade, I would skip over any written exercises and pencil in D.L. (for Do Later), and just go over the exam sections.  I never did go back and do them later.  When I got to college, my distaste for writing was so cemented in that I only took the two required Freshman Comp classes, and chose electives and instructors based in part on the probability of not having to write papers for their classes.

I have never, ever, ever been able to write from an outline.  My mind simply won't work that way.  It doesn't go from A to B to C.  It loops from A to Q to F to J to B to X.  In classes where I was required to provide an outline, I would write the paper first and then go back and create an outline.  I also found that I stink at editing.  I very quickly reach a point where I can't see it anymore.  I am just done.  Even when it doesn't feel right and I know it is messy, I simply can't force myself to clean it up once I have spent a certain amount of time on it.

So, I have never considered myself a writer.  Even blogging has always just been for fun to me, a way to mount soapboxes and process things that I was wary of boring my real life friends with.  Whenever someone would compliment me on a post, I would inwardly laugh one of those awkward, embarrassed laughs because I couldn't quite imagine that anything I wrote would matter to anyone else. 

When I started this blog, I fully expected to write a few posts with weeks in between them, and drop it altogether within a few months.  Somehow, that didn't happen.  I began to write more and more. And I found a whole world of amazing friends.  Now to my complete shock, I am finding other people who are interested in what I have to say, and it is scary and wonderful and surprising and exciting.  

I have had the honor or working with some amazing authors whom I admire with all my heart, and their encouragement can literally bring me to tears.  Today I asked myself for the first time, "What if this is really more than just playing?  What if I should take it seriously?"  Not seriously as in turn it into a burden and strip the fun out of it.  Been there, done that.  But seriously as in, maybe this is really something important.  What if this is a part of who I am created to be?

It makes me tremble.

I keep shying away from that idea, but when I think of all the times that you and I have connected somehow, my gratitude just spills over.  I know that your comments have, without exaggeration, changed my life.

It is only 8:00 PM, but this is the kind of stuff that is really my 3:00 AM ponderings--all emotional and dramatic and stuff.  ;)  Sometimes it was just too many tacos for dinner, I think.  But sometimes there is truth there, too. I am starting to believe that maybe it deserves more than an indulgent pat on the head.

Thank you for listening.  I think the fact that you are here and that we can encourage each others' souls deep down is my answer.

Gentle Discipline and the Strong Willed Child

Image credit: slightly everything on Flickr

I am posting over at Natural Parents Network today on Gentle Discipline and the Strong Willed Child.

"The truth is that if you enter into battle with a strong willed child, your entire life will turn into a war zone. We will not back down, will not give in, will not surrender. If it truly becomes a fight, chances are good that one will have to defeat the other, in spirit if not physically. And that is to destroy not only part of your child's God-given personality, but also your relationship. Either your child will be deeply imbued with shame and believe that she deserves to be treated that way, or she will continue the fight once she is older and has greater resources."

The conflict for many parents is that they have been told that Godly obedience means that children will comply first and understand later.  That is *not* the Hebrew understanding of obedience.  From a Hebraic view, it is a process of hearing, understanding and then obeying from the heart. 

Another common objection is that parents don't have time to argue over every detail of an instruction before the child complies.  Here is the thing: you don't have to.  True emergency situations will have a number of differences, including how your child responds to your emotional stress.  It is also likely that physically helping a child will be a part of an emergency situation.  Furthermore, a history of good reasons for your instructions and connection between you are *more likely* to result in trust when it really counts.


I have come to celebrate my strong willed children, and cannot wait to see how they will change the world.  Head over to NPN for the full article!  :)

Christian Women Should Not Eat Chocolate

Before you rise up in righteous indignation and decided to unfollow this blog, allow me to say that I do eat chocolate and support others who do.  I also support women who choose to wear two piece swimsuits.  That isn't quite the non sequitur it seems.

I believe that there is an important topic that many in the body of Christ have neglected to address. It has to do with the whole issue of women eating chocolate. Now I know that our society seems to believe that we can eat whatever we want and flaunt it. The thing is, though, that we as believers are called to a different standard, and while it may seem to be a matter of personal freedom to you, you are causing others to stumble.

What you may not understand is that it is just a part of the way that God designed us. When we see chocolate, we are provoked to gluttony. That may or may not be your intent, but the truth is that when we see our sisters in Christ with chocolate, we are just wired to respond to it. We want it. So I am asking, as a godly woman, that you refrain from tempting us by eating chocolate. Will you, as a humble and sincere sister in the Lord, make a commitment to give up the chocolate that is causing us to stumble?

Can I get an “amen”? No?

I suspect that some of you would respond, gently and with love, that the issue really is not about condemning those who eat chocolate, but perhaps more about dealing with my own self-control. Some might even go as far as to point out that simply liking chocolate and wanting to eat it is not necessarily gluttony unless I refuse to control myself. Others would remind me that as a Christian, filled with the Holy Spirit, I can resist the temptation. And a few might be slightly confused why I am only addressing my sisters in Christ and wonder about whether men should be held to the same standards. These are good points.

Yet I have read many appeals to Christian women on the issue of modesty and swimwear, particularly if you get into the debate on one-piece versus two-piece, that sound just like the condemnation against chocolate.

I hope that you will go read the rest of this article at the Home Educating Family Magazine's blog.  :)

And for those of you who are curious, here are a few pics of my kidlets at the beach this summer in their favorite swimwear.  They were happy, comfortable and, in my opinion, perfectly appropriate and modest.  

Ditched my Diva, Glad I bought my Rags

Disclaimer:  This post is about period products, not about parenting.  It will contain graphic discussion of menstruation, etc.  You have been warned.

When I think of the benefits of breastfeeding, it isn't just the nutrition or bonding that comes to mind.  No, I rejoice that it kept my cycles at bay for exactly 14 months every single time.  It isn't that I believe periods are a Curse on anything.  In fact, I really, really want to love my body and honor my moontime.  The problem is that my periods always involved very heavy flow, cramps and leaking.  It is hard to be a flowers-and-rainbows-hippie-mama when all you really want to do is devour chocolate like a rabid beast.

Between pregnancies and breastfeeding, I only had six cycles over nine years.  (Thank you, lactational amenorrhea!)  But once they were back for good (well, at least for another decade or so), I decided I wanted to stop using disposables.  For one thing, they are expensive.  For another, I really disliked the idea of all those chemicals next to my yoni.  I have had allergic reactions in the past, and besides, my hooha deserves better than paper.

So I read up on all the cool reusable products that are out there.  Several of my friends were happy with the Diva Cup, it wasn't too expensive, and it sounded like a great idea.  Like a tampon, only better (and never moldy :shudder).  I know some people get squicked out by the idea of emptying it, but really?  If the idea of eating placenta doesn't gross me out, I knew I'd be fine with the contents of the cup.  (Another disclaimer:  I didn't actually eat my placenta, but everything that I have read about it makes it sound like it could be a great thing for many women).

I ordered the size for women who have already given birth.  Maybe there should be a different size for women who have given birth four times?  (Cheap cracks about Kegels are Not Appreciated, thankyouverymuch).  I folded it into the requisite shapes, but after a few minutes it always became uncomfortable.  I cut off the stem that seemed to be poking me to no avail.  I read about turning it inside out and other contortions, how to twist and turn for proper suction (and um, yeah, that is a little squicky to me, even though I recognize the necessity and all), but nothing seemed to help.  With regret, I decided to ditch my Diva.

I had initially steered away from the idea of cloth pads for several reasons.  The biggest one is that I am a cloth diaper drop out.  I loved my Fuzzi Bunz for the two middle kidlets and they pretty much never used 'sposies, but by the time our fourth was here, I had no energy for extra laundry.  I felt horribly guilty, but she is potty trained now, so that is all peepee under the bridge.  Er, well, whatever the appropriate metaphor is.  Anyway, I really wasn't sure that I wanted to use cloth.

I looked into them rather skeptically, and saw a huge variety of designs and colors.  I admit it, I decided to buy some because they were pretty.  What?  Yes, I know what they are going to be used for!   I dare you to look through enough of them and not feel a few material-girl stirrings yourself.  For some reason, the idea of the PUL backing on some of them didn't feel right to me.  I have a lot of confidence in the Natural Parent Network reviews, so when I saw that they were a sponsor, I went ahead and ordered some Glad Rags.

Because I didn't have a lot of money to invest, I ordered the cheapest ones I could find on Amazon, which didn't allow me to select the pattern.  Even so, the ones I got were pretty!  They were also incredibly soft and comfortable.  I could adjust the number of inserts for lighter or heavier flow, and wonder of wonders, I made it through the night with their night time rags without leaking!  Also, TMI (you know, since none of the rest of this post is?), but towards the end of my period I always had a couple of light days where disposable liners seemed to not absorb at the correct rate and would leave me slightly chapped.  The cloth was perfect and I never felt the slightest bit sore.

The inserts

Laundry wasn't a problem.  I just dumped them in with our regular laundry and washed in hot water.  (Cough.  I didn't see a need to mention that to my husband, and he doesn't read my blog, so we can keep that just between us, mmkay?  He gets grossed out much more easily than I do).  To my shock, they didn't even stain!  See?  (Yeah, I know that showing pics of used menstrual products isn't generally a good idea.  I think you deserve to know what they look like in real life.  And of course they are a bit wrinkled.  I don't iron anything, least of all my period products!).

The pads themselves.  The bigger ones are the nighttime pads.

I am a convert. I am so, so happy with the Glad Rags. I've been using them for a few months and no longer have conflict with my red tent convictions now that my period doesn't mean leaking and uncomfortable paper products. Also, my flow and cramps seem to be easing up. It could be pure coincidence, but I have heard so many similar stories that I suspect it is related to having less irritation. It is almost enough to make me want to twirl around a meadow in my hippie skirt! But I still want chocolate.

Discipline Meme--This is What it is About

My lovely friend ReadingMommy created this beautiful photo that so perfectly describes what gentle discipline is about.  There have been so many ugly, shaming, punitive memes floating around.  I am delighted that she made this one and graciously allowed me to share it.  <3  I believe that gentle discipline "works" for our children, but I know that it is working in me to build character, maturity and grace.

The Price of Trust

I'm over at Natural Parents Network today sharing about a second chance that I had at protecting my daughter. 

Our society has conditioned us to consider the convenience of other adults above the well-being of our own children. We are expected to take the side of the teacher, the doctor, the dentist, or anyone else whenever there is a conflict. I am so, so glad that this time I chose to listen to my daughter.
I know that protecting her this one time didn’t make up for caving the first time, but it went a long way. She is not at all afraid of going back now. She knows that I will make sure her voice and body are respected. The price of the appointment was nothing compared to the trust of my little girl.

Read the whole post here.  :)

Mama Moments: Self Care in 60 Seconds

A romantic night out with your partner? Afternoon coffee with a friend? A couple of hours of indulgence at the bookstore cafe? Sounds lovely, but in the times when I most desperately need a couple of hours to myself, I’m lucky to get a chance to pee alone, let alone time for a massage!

Sometimes, taking a day off simply isn’t possible. Yet by sprinkling enough of these mama moments throughout your day, you can bring some desperately needed refreshment and peace. All of these can be done one-handed (helpful when your child is nursing) or in the few seconds it takes to count for a game of hide and seek. They won’t take the place of a massage, a coffee date with friends or dinner out with your partner, but they just might help you hang on till you get there.

Read some of my favorite coping tips over at Natural Parents Network!

Giveaway: Basic First Aid Naturokit from NaturoKits - $75 {7.17; Worldwide}

This is a joint giveaway with Dulce de leche and Natural Parents Network. You may enter at one site only. Please find the section marked "Win it!" for the mandatory entry and optional bonus entries.

NaturoKits is offering our readers a giveaway of their First Aid NaturoKit, a value of $75.

The Basic First Aid NaturoKit contains a wonderfully convenient variety of natural and homeopathic remedies for stings, scrapes, bruises, burns and other injuries or illnesses.

From our reviewer, Dulce de leche:



With four very active kidlets and an intensely crazy summer, I was overjoyed at the prospect of testing the Naturokits first aid kit. We get plenty of bumps, scrapes, scratches and all the rest! We have been moving away from things like typical antibiotic creams to more natural remedies, but it was a bit intimidating. What did I really need to include? Which products were essential, how should I use them, and could I trust the manufacturer?

The Naturokits first aid kit was ideal for our family--it covered all the most commonly needed items with a helpful usage guide. Bonus: it is all beautifully organized into the perfect little carry bag, large enough to hold all that I needed (as well as any band-aids or other small items I wanted to add) and yet small enough to easily tuck into a diaper bag or purse.

NaturoKits was created by moms who are also licensed naturopathic physicians. They saw a need for an easily portable package that would contain all the most-needed naturopathic remedies. The Basic First Aid NaturoKit includes activated charcoal, apis, arnica, calendula, cantharis, Crisis Calm, hypericum, ledum and the Wild Weed Salve, along with a comprehensive and thoughtfully designed usage guide.

We acquired a kitten the weekend that the kit arrived, which also meant a few scratches. We used the Calendula succus to clean them and the Wild Weed Salve to help them heal. The Wild Weed Salve quickly became a favorite go-to product for us. It doesn't leave your skin sticky or super greasy, and the herbal scent was so light that it didn't bother my ultra-sensitive kidlets at all. Also, I have a toddler who immediately insists on treatment for a host of invisible ouchies as soon as she sees one of her older siblings get one. I felt comfortable giving a light swipe of the salve to her skin, which I would never have done with antibiotic ointment, and she was happily satisfied that her booboos were well-tended.



We also tried out the Crisis Calm flower essence during a particularly stressful morning. I felt much better--focused and steady, with none of the jitteriness of caffeine or the grogginess from other supplements. My eight year old, who is the most sensitive to any anxiety, came to me a little bit later with her eyes shining, telling me that she felt so relaxed. She asked me to please bring it with me to her next dental appointment so that she would be calm and not scared or worried.

I had also noticed a persistent, itchy bump on my toddler's face. It was hard to tell if it was an allergic reaction or a bug bite, but since apis is indicated for both, I gave her some. By evening, it was smaller and no longer raised or itchy. We gave her one more dose, and the next morning it was much better. We have also used arnica in the past with great success, although I haven't needed it yet from my kit.

PROS:

• The convenience. I loved having all the products I needed in one little bag.
• The variety is also an excellent assortment for my family. We travel often, and having natural remedies for stomach issues, sunburn, stings, allergic reactions, stress/anxiety and everything else is very reassuring, particularly when we will be in places where the products might not be readily available.
• I also appreciated the detailed usage guide, which is alphabetized according to each condition. It is thorough, but concise and easily navigated if you are in a hurry. For someone like me with only a beginner's knowledge of natural remedies, it is perfectly designed.

CONS:

• $75 sounds a bit expensive. However, if you priced each of the remedies on their own (and I have), I found that I would actually save a substantial amount by purchasing this kit.
• It does not include typical items like bandages or gauze. There is room to add your own, though, and since my kids like picking out special bandaids for whatever their current interests are, we prefer to add our own.

My overall opinion? The Naturokits First Aid kit is perfect if you want to cover all the basics in a natural first aid kit. We will be traveling a lot this summer, and my Naturokits bag will definitely be going with us! So, how can you get one of these yourself? Easy!

BUY IT!

You can purchase your own First Aid NaturoKis at NaturoKits for $75.00 + Shipping.

And just for Natural Parents Network and Dulce de leche readers, NaturoKits is giving a 10% discount on all orders from now until July 17, 2012. Enter code DCNPN during the ordering process.

They also offer a First Aid MiniKit for only $22.00 + Shipping that includes activated charcoal, arnica and their Wild Weed Salve, along with a detailed usage guide and cotton gift bag.

WIN IT!

For your own chance to win a First Aid NaturoKit from NaturoKits, enter by leaving a comment and using our Rafflecopter system below.

The winner will receive a First Aid NaturoKit. Contest is open worldwide.

MANDATORY ENTRY: Visit NaturoKits and tell us one thing you have learned about the company! You must enter your name and email address in the Rafflecopter entry system for your entry to count, after leaving a comment on this blog post.

Leave a valid email address so we can contact you if you win. Email addresses in Rafflecopter are not made publicly visible. Please leave the same valid email address in your mandatory comment so we can verify entries.

This is a joint giveaway with Dulce de leche and Natural Parents Network. You may enter at one site only, and we'll be recording IP addresses to ensure that there are no duplicate entries. That said, please do visit and enjoy both sites!

BONUS ENTRIES:

See the Rafflecopter entry system for bonus entries to increase your chance of winning after completing the mandatory entry. All bonus entries are entered directly into Rafflecopter. Give it a try, and email or leave a comment if you have any questions!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Contest closes July 17, 2012 at 11:59 p.m. Eastern Time.

Disclosure: Our reviewer received a sample product for review purposes. Amazon links are affiliate links. We try to seek out only products we think you would find relevant and useful to your life as a natural parent. If we don't like a product, we won't be recommending it to you. See our full disclosure policy here.

Biblical Instructions for Discipline: How Should a Christian Parent?

The debate over Proverbs and spanking often seems to overshadow our view of what the Bible really teaches parents.  I do believe that it is important for believers to examine those passages carefully.  What often gets lost in the focus on spanking though is that the Bible has a great deal to teach parents in other passages, too.  One of the principles of gentle discipline is that instead of just telling our children what not to do, that we give clear, positive direction of what they should do instead.  I believe God does that with His Word.  Let's examine some other verses that apply to parental relationships!

Image credit: robtxgal on Flickr

* "Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart.  You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up."~ Deut. 6:4-7 (We as parents must hold God's Word in our hearts and then impart it to our children by spending time with them and taking advantage of every opportunity to share our hearts and teach them.  Discipline is about teaching and making disciples, not punishing them afterwards for our failure to teach!)


* "Brothers and sisters, if a person is caught doing something wrong, you who are spiritual should restore someone like this with a spirit of gentleness. Watch out for yourselves so you won’t be tempted too." ~ Galatians 6:1 CEB  (The goal is restoring relationship, and that requires gentleness and humility.)


* “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’"  ~  Matthew 25:40  (Note: In Spanish, it says "the smallest" of these.  What an incredibly powerful thought--how I treat my little ones is a reflection of how I would treat my God.)

* "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment." ~ I John 4:18  (Letting go of fear, letting go of punishment, embracing love).

* "Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.  Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God." ~ II Corinthians 1:2-4  (Whether it is my baby crying in the night, or my toddler having a meltdown, or my older child distressed over a "little thing", my response should be to validate and comfort. )

* "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets."  Matthew 7:12  (Would I want it done to me?  No?  Then I shouldn't do it to my children.  What do I want?  Respect?  Gratitude?  Thoughtfulness?  Am I demonstrating those qualities in the way I act toward them?)

* "Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.   Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.  ... Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. " ~ Colossians 3:12-15, 21  (Compassion, forgiveness, peace, gratitude.  Nothing that will provoke them or cause bitterness or discouragement.)

* ^"Within minutes they were bickering over who of them would end up the greatest. But Jesus intervened: "Kings like to throw their weight around and people in authority like to give themselves fancy titles. It's not going to be that way with you. Let the senior among you become like the junior; let the leader act the part of the servant."  ~ Luke 22:24-26 (The Message)  (My authority as a parent is not a justification for controlling my children; it is the power to care for them.)

* "And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them." ~ Mark 10:13-16 (Jesus showed physical affection to children.  He took them in His arms.  When He laid hands on them, it was an act of blessing, not punishment.  The children didn't flinch when Jesus raised His hands toward them.) 

* "See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven. " ~ Matthew 18:10 (To despise means to see as of little value.  It is easy to want to depreciate the feelings of children, to consider their thoughts or emotions as less important than those of other adults.  Consider how your would treat an honored friend in the same situation, and how that could affect your response to your child.)

* "Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. ~ Romans 12:17-21 (Rather than looking for ways to get back at our children or "make them sorry" for their mistakes, we are to treat them kindly--they aren't even our enemies!--and meet their needs instead.)


There are many passages throughout Scripture that model for parents how we are to treat our children.  I believe that all Scripture is valuable, and when we look at the Bible as a whole, it becomes clear that God's purpose is always to bring about healing, restoration and connection with Him.  I wanted to focus on some passages that I feel are often overlooked by believers, but I also believe that there is tremendous wisdom in the Proverbs verses, the Beatitudes, the 10 commandments and Hebrews, as well. 


When I read over these verses, I see the consistency in the grace that God has lavished on me being poured out on my children, as well.  I breathe in the peace, patience, kindness, love and even joy that is the fruit of the Spirit, and realize that Biblical discipline starts in my own life and in the way I teach my children, and grows in our relationship.  It isn't something I do *to* my children--it is a part of who we are as we follow Christ.

---

Please join us all week, June 25-June30, 2012, as we explore the world of gentle, effective parenting. We have new posts each day by talented authors providing us with insight into why gentle parenting is worth your time and how to implement it on a daily basis.


We are also giving away several parenting book and other goodies from our sponsors this week. Please stop by and enter to win!


This year's beautiful motherhood artwork is by Patchwork Family Art. Visit the store to see all her work.

---

Happiness Isn't the Only Acceptable Emotion

"Happiness isn't the only acceptable emotion." ~ Crystal Lutton

Image credit: d listy

One of the most beautiful things about attachment parenting is the honesty and authenticity that is welcomed from our children.  For most of us, it takes conscious mental reprogramming to value a child's cry and take it exactly as seriously as it sounds.  Our culture tells us to let them cry it out, and dismisses their distress as something trivial.  Yet we have chosen to hear our child's cry as the communication it really is and respond with empathy and compassion.

But do you ever need a good cry?  Even if someone cannot "fix it"?

I do.  There are times when my children do, too.  After years of refusing to let my children cry it out, though, I realized that I was falling into my own version of seeing happiness as the only acceptable emotion.  I didn't want them to cry or be upset, and I felt as though allowing them to cry was wrong somehow.  I wanted them to be happy all the time.  It was so ingrained that I began to inadvertently communicate the idea to them that they *had* to be happy, even when that was unrealistic and inauthentic.

The truth is that all of us get hurt or disappointed sometimes. There are many ways to express big emotions, sure--using our words, art, dances, writing.  Sometimes, though, we just need that pressure valve release of a good cry.

I have heard from some very dear mamas recently who have been deeply burdened with feelings of guilt that their children cry and that they can't make it better.  I want so much to hug them and tell them that it is OK.  I absolutely do NOT advocate leaving children to cry in an effort to teach them to sleep, to self-soothe or anything punitive.  I am not saying it is OK to callously ignore distress.  But we won't always be able to prevent all crying on their part, and we should not try.

How does a compassionate parent handle crying?


* Listening.  Making sure that they feel heard.  Have you ever tried to pour you heart out to someone and wind up frustrated when they fired off solutions without fully hearing you?


* Empowering.  When we do offer solutions, allow them to be a part of fixing the situation.  Instead of swooping in to rescue, offer ideas and support in carrying them out, but make sure that they are also a part of it.  This might look like helping them with a script and then standing with them as they confront someone.


* Offering comfort.  Do they need a hug?  To be held?  Our presence near them?  Time to themselves?  

Mamas, you are not failing your children somehow if they cry and get upset.  You are not failing them if you cannot always fix the problem.  Just continue to listen, to empower them to take part in their own solutions and let them know you care.  Your love and support will allow them to take these times of distress and emerge stronger, more deeply connected and full of joy.