Shall I Come to You with a Rod? ~ Guest Post by Becky Eanes

There is much debate within the Christian community about the "right way" to discipline children, and those of us who choose not to spank are often confronted with "the rod verses" in Proverbs as pro-spanking Christians try to prove their point.

I am not a theologian, and there have already been many writings on this subject, some of which can be viewed here, here, here, and here. Thus, I will not go into the Proverbs verses for this post. I want to, rather, take a look at 1 Corinthians.

Here, Paul is speaking to the church of God that is in Corinth. There is division among this church and all sorts of wrongdoing, and he writes to them and admonishes them for the things they are doing. Let's take a look at 1 Cor 4:14-21.

I do not write these things to make you ashamed, but to admonish you as my beloved children. For though you have countless guides in Christ, you do not have many fathers. For I became your father in Christ Jesus through the gospel. I urge you, then, be imitators of me. That is why I sent you Timothy  my beloved and faithful child in the Lord, to remind you of my ways in Christ, as I teach them everywhere in every church. Some are arrogant, as though I were not coming to you. But I will come to you soon, if the Lord wills, and I will find out not the talk of these arrogant people but their power. For the kingdom of God does not consist in talk but in power. What do you wish? Shall I come to you with a rod, or with love in a spirit of gentleness?

I believe Paul is providing us with a powerful example here. He is speaking to this church as they are his children and he is their father, and he tells them he is admonishing them as his beloved children, and that he does not want to shame them! Children need to be corrected and taught what is right, turned from their wrongdoing and set on the right path, and this can be done through teaching and without shame. Paul tells them "be imitators of me." In other words, he is not asking them to do what he, himself, is not doing.

Then Paul says to them, "What do you wish? Shall I come to you with a rod, or with love in a spirit of gentleness?"

Paul is saying there is a choice here. I can come to you with a rod. Or I can come to you with love in a spirit of gentleness.

Just as Paul recognized that choice with his "children," so we have a choice with our own children. We can come to them with a rod. Or, we can come to them with love in a spirit of gentleness. Love and gentleness are fruits of the Spirit (Gal 4:22-23), and we know when we accept Christ, we also abide with the Spirit.(Acts 2:38) Therefore, we should also show these fruits.

In my upcoming devotional eBook Parenting in the Spirit, I will look at each of the fruits of the spirit and discuss how these can be manifested in our parenting. I hope you'll pick up that resource when it comes available (I'm hoping it will be available by July 2013).

In the meantime, consider this choice that Paul has outlined here, and I will close as Paul did. "Let all that you do be done in love." (1 Cor. 16:14)

**You may request a copy of the book Thy Rod and Thy Staff They Comfort Me: Christians and the Spanking Controversy by emailing Samuel Martin at info@biblechild.com.

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Becky Eanes is the founder of positive-parents.org and Positive Parenting: Toddlers and Beyond on Facebook. She lives with her husband and 2 young sons. She is also one of my heroes.  My family and I have been incredibly blessed by the grace and truth in her writings, and I am so very honored to have her share this post.  Please check out her incredibly inspiring and powerful post on speaking Biblical blessings over our children, and my review of her book, Positive Parenting in Action, and her website, Peace at Home Books.

Allies, Not Adversaries

National Spank Out Day 2013--Christian Resources

When I first became a parent, I believed that the Bible instructed parents to spank their children.  All of the studies and research out there would not have changed my mind as long as I was convinced that God's Word taught us to spank.  The good news is that the Bible most definitely does NOT teach spanking.  Although there are some verses in Proverbs that have been twisted to imply that, once we really dig into the meanings of the words there, it becomes clear that they do not refer to spanking at all.  Sadly, some translations are not as clear as others, and many have read those passages through a cultural filter that makes it sound as if it could refer to spanking.  There is a reason that God instructs us to "study to show ourselves approved, as workers who do not need to be ashamed, but correctly handle the word of truth". The following links are some of my favorite Christian resources for those who would like to examine this topic more fully. Although there are some excellent resources by secular authors, for this page I have tried to only include those whom I believe to be sincere followers of Christ.


Samuel Martin Samuel Martin's blog and Facebook page

Sam is a Bible scholar and brother in Christ who lives in Jerusalem with his family.  His book, Thy Rod and Thy Staff, They Comfort Me: Christians and the Spanking Controversy is a reverent examination of the Scriptures that are often used to promote spanking, as well as an in-depth study of the Jewish perspective on corporal punishment.  I have written reviews of it here.  Sam has such a deep conviction that God wants us to know the truth on this that he is offering his book for free if you email him at info@biblechild.com.



Crystal Lutton  Crystal Lutton and Arms of Love Family Fellowship Facebook

Crystal literally wrote the book on Grace Based Discipline.  Eight years ago, when I was agonizing over the thought of having to spank my baby in order to obey the Bible, I was directed to her site and found both Truth and Grace.  Her teachings changed our lives in ways I would never have imagined.  Her book, Biblical Parenting, gave me a brand new paradigm for discipline.  Then I read Grace Based Living, and began to see how God's grace applied to marriage and other relationships.  Crystal is also a rabbi/pastor, and her ability to share Hebraic perspective has enriched my understanding of the Scriptures.  Along with all of this, she regularly serves as a Titus 2 woman to many, giving practical and loving help to other moms.

Gentle Christian Mothers

Gentle Christian Mothers site, Message Boards, Facebook page

GCM is, without a doubt, one of the most vital resources available for gentle parents.  Most of us are still learning exactly what grace based discipline looks like in real life, and this is my favorite place to connect with experienced gentle mamas whose lives are based on honoring and pleasing God and sharing His love with their children.  If you have any questions about how to implement grace-filled discipline or need to connect with other gentle Christian moms, this is the place to go!  GCM belongs to the amazing and lovely Flowermama, and her blog is also a wonderful resource.

Little Hearts Books

Little Hearts Books Gentle Parenting Resources blog and  Facebook

L.R. Knost is an inspiring gentle mama of six whose children have been parented gently.  In an interview for Gentle Christian Mothers, she describes the results of gentle parenting in her family: "My oldest two are,respectively, a happily married Pastor with two adorable children of his own and a happily married Family Therapist with a high-stress social services job working doggedly to protect children from the fallout of unfortunate parenting choices. My next oldest is graduating this year with a pre-med degree in BioMedical Sciences before heading into med school, but even with an incredibly tough university schedule he takes the time each week to go to a local teen hang-out spot and work in an outreach ministry he created and has been building for the last year. All of them, along with my younger children, have tender hearts that feel others’ pain and discouragement deeply, and all of them seek every opportunity to reach out with a helping hand, a kind heart, and a friendly smile."  Her book, Two Thousand Kisses a Day: Gentle Parenting through the Ages and Stages is one of my favorites, and her article, Jesus the Gentle Parent is absolutely beautiful.   


 Why Not Train a Child blog and Facebook page

This is the best site out there for resources on the Pearls and their horrific teachings.  More than that, though, this is one of my favorite sites anywhere for new gentle discipline resources and posts from a variety of Christian bloggers.  As a bonus, you can preview a comprehensive new book on Christians and spanking by Stephanie Cox that delves deeply into the history of corporal punishment in the church, the effects of spanking on children and much more.

The Hippie Housewife

The Hippie Housewife blog and Facebook page

The Hippie Housewife is a devoted follower of Jesus and a beautiful writer.  Her series on the Proverbs passages is a must read for anyone who cares about what the Bible teaches, and her post on The Hows of Discipline (and the practical and insightful comments!) is wonderful at describing how to put gentle discipline into practice.  Need encouragement for gentle parenting as a Christian?  Check out her post on Attachment Parenting: A Christian Perspective.   Everything she writes is worth reading.

Parenting Freedom: Is Spanking Biblical?  I don't have a pic or Facebook page for this one, but please don't skip it.  Whenever I have to choose a single article for parents who believe that the Bible teaches us to spank, this is the one I link.  It is such a lovely and thorough post.  The Parenting Freedom site also has many other links on Christian attachment parenting that are enlightening and always cause me to breathe in grace and peace.  

Real Child Development

Real Child Development blog and Facebook page

Leslie Freeman, her husband Scott and their children are missionaries with YWAM in Costa Rica, working with at risk children there.  They are amazing reflections of the love of Jesus Christ.  Leslie is also an amazing mom and blogger.  Her posts are informative, grace-filled and always challenge me and make my spirit sing for joy.   For more on the work they are doing with El Refugio, please check out their personal blog.  I almost never encourage anyone to donate money through the internet, but I would ask you to please consider supporting their work.  They are truly making a difference and saving lives.


 

Sally Clarkson

Sally Clarkson blog and Facebook page

Sally and Clay Clarkson are well known and respected in Christian homeschooling circles.  Their children are also showing the fruit of graceful parenting.  Clay Clarkson's book, Heartfelt Discipline, includes an examination of the Proverbs passages and other Bible verses and comes to the conclusion that God does not call us to spank our children.  Sally has several books on parenting that warm my heart like a soothing cup of tea with a friend.  

Guggie Daly

The Guggie Daily blog and Facebook page

Guggie Daly is a lovely sister in Christ who has dared to break out of the mainstream mold in every area in her desire to be obedient to God's call on her family.  She is a passionate advocate for peaceful families on the topics of birth, breastfeeding, circumcision, vaccination, schooling and more.  Her posts on gentle discipline are a bracing breath of fresh air. 

Parenting Wild Things

Parenting Wild Things blog and Facebook page

Parenting Wild Things is a wonderful book by one of my favorite authors, Jessica Bowman, of Bohemian Bowmans.  Jessica's writing is authentic, practical and encouraging, and so much fun to read.  She also hosts Faithful Parenting, a fantastic series on gentle discipline from Christians, that I was honored to be a part of.  

Momma on a Mission

Momma on a Mission blog and Facebook page 

Momma on a Mission is a friend and a lovely voice for Christ-centered gentle parenting.  Her posts on her walk with God are coffee and chocolate for my soul.  I was so thankful to be able to share her powerful journey to gentle discipline on my blog and her response to the Holy Spirit still gives me goosebumps. 

Pearl in Oyster

Pearl in Oyster blog and Facebook page

Pío is a friend and a beautiful example of gentle parenting.  She doesn't gloss over the challenges of gentle parenting, but her posts are encouraging and full of practical tips.  Her 52 Tool Cards series give a positive discipline example and tip for each week of the year. 

Kathleen

Kathleen-Becoming Peculiar blog and Facebook page  

It is always a special gift from God when you connect with a kindred spirit.  It has been so much fun to read Kathleen's writing.  Even though we are far apart geographically now, I plan on being next door neighbors in heaven.

Sarah Bessey 

Sarah Bessey blog and Facebook page

Sarah Bessey is my hero.  Her blog was one of the first that I subscribed to by email so that I would never miss a post.  Jesus Feminist is already on my preorder list, and her parenting posts always touch the deep places in my heart.  Her series on the Practices of Mothering makes me cry every time I read it and fills my spirit with the fragrance of grace.  Seriously, go read those posts over and over.

Relationship Homeschooling blog and Facebook page 

Karen is a lovely and experience mom and grandmother who is well know in the Christian homeschooling community.  She boldly speaks out against the harm resulting from patriarchal wolves in sheeps' clothing, but her gracefilled posts make me think I could cry on her shoulder after a rough day and receive encouragement, cookies and practical help.  



The Path Less Taken blog and Facebook page  

Jennifer is a blogger whom I admire deeply because of her commitment to living out her convictions.  Her clear-sighted posts make me excited for the possibilities of life in God.  Her posts on unschooling are excellent, and her parenting beliefs resonate strongly with mine.  She is on my Coolest Ever list. 
   

 

Jill and Luke

Living in the Tension blog and Facebook page

One of the best things about being part of A Deeper Story's family branch is connecting with some amazing writers.  Luke's posts always make me think and seek God more, which is not something I say lightly.  His wife, Jill, is a fabulous writer and her post on the 23rd Psalm is one that I will revisit often because of the beauty, grace and comfort that flow from her.  She doesn't have a FB page, but read her blog, Line Up the Dolls.  Jill and Luke are also the authors for one of my favorite posts from the Faithful Parenting series over at Parenting Wild Things.  :)

 

Dare to Disciple

Dare to Disciple blog and Facebook page

 Although this blog is not as active as it once was, the posts that are there are excellent.  Several dear friends of mine collaborated on this page and addressed topics including the Proverbs passages, often-ignored passages on grace filled parenting, things like the danger argument and more.  If you haven't read through them, make sure to check them out!

More than 100 Reasons

 20 Reasons Not to Spank blog

This blog is written by my lovely friend Dara, and grew out of her other parenting blog, I Was Just Thinking.  20 Reasons is now at well over 100 reasons, referenced with Scripture, for Christians not to spank their children.  All of Dara's story is a beautiful picture of God's grace and healing, and her work for peaceful families is incredibly valuable.  Don't miss this one.

SortaCrunchy blog and Facebook page 

Megan Tietz is pure awesome.  Along with her fantastic blog and several other projects, she is a co-author of Spirit Led Parenting: From Fear to Freedom in Baby's First Year.  I love the way she pours out grace on mamas as well as babies.

Pedestrian Parenting

Left Cheek: the Blog and Facebook page

Jason Dye is one of my favorite political bloggers, but his posts and book on parenting are also powerful and entertaining.  He truly puts into practice the teachings of Jesus on how we treat the least of these.
 

Tulip Girl

 Tulip Girl blog

If you are looking for resources on the Ezzo's teachings, including Babywise and Growing Kids God's Way, please check out the archives here.  There are tons of incredible posts addressing the dangers of these teachings and offering hope and healing to families who have experienced some of the fallout from their practices.  

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  When I first began to learn about gentle discipline, I felt lonely and scared, because every Christian I knew parented punitively.  Thankfully, God brought me so many new friends, both online and off, that embrace grace.  I hope that these links encourage you and help you know that you are not alone in seeking God's grace for everyone, not just adults. 

 And please, if you know of other gentle Christian parenting resources that I have missed, send me a link so that I can add them! 

 

Discipline is Making Disciples

Is Spanking Abuse?

Often, when I discuss spanking with other people, they want to point out worse examples.  A parent beating their child until the bones are broken?  THAT is abuse.  If a husband broke his wife's ribs, that would be abuse, too.  But that doesn't mean that hitting her is OK, simply because the long term damage to her body is less.  However, I think that the focus in that kind of argument is looking the wrong way.  I want to look at the best I can do, not the worst I can do without it crossing the line (which is always changing according to different times and cultures).

The Discipline of the Lord ~ Hebrews 12

Gentle discipline is more than just not spanking.  It is a whole mindset, a lifestyle.  But when we have grown up with punitive parenting, it tends to influence the way we see everything, including the Bible.  Most Christians in the US take it for granted that the Bible commands us to spank our kids, even though the only verses that would seem to back that up are Proverbs, which are proverbs--wise sayings--not part of the law.  A closer examination of the original language makes it clear that those verses have nothing in common with "spanking the right way", but if your mind has become accustomed to seeing punishment and wrath in God's actions towards His people, that becomes the lens through which the entire Bible is read.

Image credit: Alexander Smolianitski on Flickr

Hebrews 12 is often quoted as a New Testament passage that condones punishment (beating even, according to some).  As nearly as I can tell, it all goes back to the KJV.  Apparently, the translators after the King James Version actually added in the word "scourges" to the Septuagint.  It doesn't appear in earlier manuscripts, and in Aramaic it reads simply that God disciplines us.  I agree wholeheartedly that God does discipline His children. 

Let's take a closer look at the whole passage:

"Consequently, we also, since we're surrounded by such a big cloud of witnesses, must get rid of every arrow tip and the sin which easily stands around us.  We  must run the race that surrounds us by using endurance.  We must fix our eyes on Jesus, the originator and completer of our faith.  Instead of the happiness set in front of him, he chose to undergo the cross, thinking nothing of the shame.  He has taken his seat at the right side of God's throne.  So think about Jesus who underwent such opposition from sinners so that you won't become worn down and fall apart in your lives.  You haven't come to the point of bloodshed yet in opposing sin, fighting against it.  And have you completely forgotten the encouragement which addresses you as his children:  "My child, don't make light of the Lord's education.  Don't fall apart when you are put under scrutiny by him.  Because the Lord educates the one he loves and he uses the rod on everyone he welcomes as a child."
Because you undergo education, God treats you like his children--what child is there that a parent doesn't educate?  But if you go without education--which everyone is a business partner with!--then you're illegitimate and you're not children!  Then again we have human parents who educate us and we listen to them.  Surely we should follow the Father of our spirits and live!  For on the one hand our parents educated us for a short time in the best way they could, but on the other hand he educates us for our benefit, so that we can share in his holiness.  Now on the one hand education doesn't seem like much fun at the time, as it's painful!  However, later on it produces a harvest of peace and righteousness by those who have been trained in it!" ~ Hebrews 12:1-11 The Source New Testament

This passage isn't about punishment!  It is meant to encourage believers, not scold them.  I love that discipline is translated correctly here as education--teaching.  Not punishment.  The notes for verse 2 make clear that the word elegkho "to put under scrutiny" is very different in meaning from peirazo, which would mean to "put to the test (by an enemy/with hostile intent)".  Read the whole context there.  This passage is not a warning that God will hurt you if you mess up.  It is encouragement that even the difficult things in our lives can be used by God to teach us and train us.  That is true discipline. This also fits with the Hebrews 5:8.  The discipline that Jesus received was not about punishment, but about listening to His Father and encouragement in suffering. (And the reference to the rod in verse 6 would have been understood by the Hebrews as referring to guidance and discipline, and the constant presence of God in our lives--truly something where we can joyfully say, "Your rod and staff comfort me!").   

God certainly disciplines His children.  That does not mean that He hurts us so that we will modify our behavior.  It means that He teaches us.  And He redeems everything.  Even the ugly, even the painful, even the parts that bring suffering (whether caused by our own choices or simply because we live in a fallen world).  We are living Nazca lines, and He is encouraging us that no matter how evil something appears to be, that if we submit to Him and listen to His song over us, it can be transformed for our good and for His glory. 

Gentle Discipline and the Strong Willed Child

Image credit: slightly everything on Flickr

I am posting over at Natural Parents Network today on Gentle Discipline and the Strong Willed Child.

"The truth is that if you enter into battle with a strong willed child, your entire life will turn into a war zone. We will not back down, will not give in, will not surrender. If it truly becomes a fight, chances are good that one will have to defeat the other, in spirit if not physically. And that is to destroy not only part of your child's God-given personality, but also your relationship. Either your child will be deeply imbued with shame and believe that she deserves to be treated that way, or she will continue the fight once she is older and has greater resources."

The conflict for many parents is that they have been told that Godly obedience means that children will comply first and understand later.  That is *not* the Hebrew understanding of obedience.  From a Hebraic view, it is a process of hearing, understanding and then obeying from the heart. 

Another common objection is that parents don't have time to argue over every detail of an instruction before the child complies.  Here is the thing: you don't have to.  True emergency situations will have a number of differences, including how your child responds to your emotional stress.  It is also likely that physically helping a child will be a part of an emergency situation.  Furthermore, a history of good reasons for your instructions and connection between you are *more likely* to result in trust when it really counts.


I have come to celebrate my strong willed children, and cannot wait to see how they will change the world.  Head over to NPN for the full article!  :)

Discipline Meme--This is What it is About

My lovely friend ReadingMommy created this beautiful photo that so perfectly describes what gentle discipline is about.  There have been so many ugly, shaming, punitive memes floating around.  I am delighted that she made this one and graciously allowed me to share it.  <3  I believe that gentle discipline "works" for our children, but I know that it is working in me to build character, maturity and grace.

Biblical Instructions for Discipline: How Should a Christian Parent?

The debate over Proverbs and spanking often seems to overshadow our view of what the Bible really teaches parents.  I do believe that it is important for believers to examine those passages carefully.  What often gets lost in the focus on spanking though is that the Bible has a great deal to teach parents in other passages, too.  One of the principles of gentle discipline is that instead of just telling our children what not to do, that we give clear, positive direction of what they should do instead.  I believe God does that with His Word.  Let's examine some other verses that apply to parental relationships!

Image credit: robtxgal on Flickr

* "Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart.  You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up."~ Deut. 6:4-7 (We as parents must hold God's Word in our hearts and then impart it to our children by spending time with them and taking advantage of every opportunity to share our hearts and teach them.  Discipline is about teaching and making disciples, not punishing them afterwards for our failure to teach!)


* "Brothers and sisters, if a person is caught doing something wrong, you who are spiritual should restore someone like this with a spirit of gentleness. Watch out for yourselves so you won’t be tempted too." ~ Galatians 6:1 CEB  (The goal is restoring relationship, and that requires gentleness and humility.)


* “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’"  ~  Matthew 25:40  (Note: In Spanish, it says "the smallest" of these.  What an incredibly powerful thought--how I treat my little ones is a reflection of how I would treat my God.)

* "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment." ~ I John 4:18  (Letting go of fear, letting go of punishment, embracing love).

* "Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.  Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God." ~ II Corinthians 1:2-4  (Whether it is my baby crying in the night, or my toddler having a meltdown, or my older child distressed over a "little thing", my response should be to validate and comfort. )

* "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets."  Matthew 7:12  (Would I want it done to me?  No?  Then I shouldn't do it to my children.  What do I want?  Respect?  Gratitude?  Thoughtfulness?  Am I demonstrating those qualities in the way I act toward them?)

* "Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.   Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.  ... Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. " ~ Colossians 3:12-15, 21  (Compassion, forgiveness, peace, gratitude.  Nothing that will provoke them or cause bitterness or discouragement.)

* ^"Within minutes they were bickering over who of them would end up the greatest. But Jesus intervened: "Kings like to throw their weight around and people in authority like to give themselves fancy titles. It's not going to be that way with you. Let the senior among you become like the junior; let the leader act the part of the servant."  ~ Luke 22:24-26 (The Message)  (My authority as a parent is not a justification for controlling my children; it is the power to care for them.)

* "And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them." ~ Mark 10:13-16 (Jesus showed physical affection to children.  He took them in His arms.  When He laid hands on them, it was an act of blessing, not punishment.  The children didn't flinch when Jesus raised His hands toward them.) 

* "See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven. " ~ Matthew 18:10 (To despise means to see as of little value.  It is easy to want to depreciate the feelings of children, to consider their thoughts or emotions as less important than those of other adults.  Consider how your would treat an honored friend in the same situation, and how that could affect your response to your child.)

* "Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. ~ Romans 12:17-21 (Rather than looking for ways to get back at our children or "make them sorry" for their mistakes, we are to treat them kindly--they aren't even our enemies!--and meet their needs instead.)


There are many passages throughout Scripture that model for parents how we are to treat our children.  I believe that all Scripture is valuable, and when we look at the Bible as a whole, it becomes clear that God's purpose is always to bring about healing, restoration and connection with Him.  I wanted to focus on some passages that I feel are often overlooked by believers, but I also believe that there is tremendous wisdom in the Proverbs verses, the Beatitudes, the 10 commandments and Hebrews, as well. 


When I read over these verses, I see the consistency in the grace that God has lavished on me being poured out on my children, as well.  I breathe in the peace, patience, kindness, love and even joy that is the fruit of the Spirit, and realize that Biblical discipline starts in my own life and in the way I teach my children, and grows in our relationship.  It isn't something I do *to* my children--it is a part of who we are as we follow Christ.

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Please join us all week, June 25-June30, 2012, as we explore the world of gentle, effective parenting. We have new posts each day by talented authors providing us with insight into why gentle parenting is worth your time and how to implement it on a daily basis.


We are also giving away several parenting book and other goodies from our sponsors this week. Please stop by and enter to win!


This year's beautiful motherhood artwork is by Patchwork Family Art. Visit the store to see all her work.

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Journey to Gentle Discipline: Guest Post from Momma on a Mission

I am always so excited to hear of other journeys to gentle discipline.  It is especially cool when it happens through the Holy Spirit and friends of mine.  I am so grateful both to Anna and Guggie for their friendship, inspiration and all that I learn from them.  You make my life richer!  <3

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I'm pretty new to the concept of non-punitive parenting. Finding my way here has been a long, difficult, and frustrating road for me, but I feel like I've finally come home! I'm going to share a little bit of my story with you today, but just the condensed version because there's something else I want to share with you too.

I grew up in a very pro-spanking home. We were taught that spanking was God's plan, and the only way to raise kids to be Godly adults. So when I became an adult and started having kids of my own, I naturally carried that belief forward with me. Even as I started to question what I'd been taught about birth, breastfeeding, food, women's roles and just about everything else, spanking somehow slid under the radar, safe in it's little pigeonhole in my mind. I thought I was doing something good and "modern" by being open to using other tools too, and saying that different things worked for different kids, and maybe spanking wasn't right for everyone. I definitely thought it was still right for us though!

A couple of months after my son was born, I became friends with Guggie Daly on Facebook. If you know Guggie, you know she's a strong advocate for anything relating to mothers' and child's rights. She's constantly sharing information and starting the most interesting discussions. I liked her! Finally- someone who believed the way I did about birth and breastfeeding! And she seemed to take things to the next level too- I learned so much from her those first couple of months. I also noticed that she was very much anti-spanking. I'd see her post things that spoke out against spanking, or tried to show a different way, and I thought it was a little misguided. I was okay with that though! I told myself that I didn't have to agree with everything that Guggie believed in to be her facebook friend. Just agree to disagree, right? I told myself that she just probably didn't know what the Bible said about spanking, or that she'd taken this hippie thing a little too far. When she'd post something about spanking, I'd usually chuckle to myself and move on.

Until one day, what seemed like out of the blue, I started to struggle within myself about the issue. My heart just couldn't handle spanking my daughter anymore. I still believed in it in my head, but my heart couldn't handle it anymore- and I was totally shocked by that. I had no idea what was going on or what to do with those feelings. I felt like a horrible mother, and some days I felt like I just hated being a mom. I had so looked forward to having kids, and this was not what I expected at all. I lived in a miserable state of limbo, until one day I was on Facebook and Guggie had gone on a positive parenting posting spree again. I knew something about what I was doing had to change, so I took a chance and clicked on one of the links. And for the first time, something clicked in my mind. It was like a light bulb had been turned on. I truly believe it was the Lord that had lead me to that time and place. I finished one article, and clicked to the next, and the next, and the next. And I knew that something permanent had been done in my heart.

Image credit ericmcgregor on Flickr

As they say, the rest is history. Actually, more like history in the making. I've come a long way, but I still have so much to learn. One of the coolest things about the whole process has been watching how God has worked in my heart and even spoken to me directly a time or two. There's one experience in particular I don't think I'll ever forget, and that is what I want to share with you. It had been a particularly rough day, and I was nearing the end of my patience. My kiddos(I have a 3.5 year old and an almost 2 year old) were playing together as I was trying to get something done. I heard my younger one start to cry, and I rushed into the room to separate them for what seemed like the thousandth time. My daughter was nearly on top of my son, pulling on his shirt as he tried to get away. I was so frustrated that I quickly grabbed her up, set her down harshly on the bed, and started yelling at her, "Don't do that! You need to stop. making. him. cry!!!" As her little face melted into tears, I heard the Holy Spirit speak softly into my heart:


"No, you need to stop making her cry."


That cut me to my core. I do need to stop making her cry. And I am. I'm working every day to learn how to be a gentle, loving mother that reflects Christ's love to my children. I'm not perfect, but I'm learning and growing. And for the first time in a long time, I don't feel like a failure as a mother.

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Anna blogs at Momma on a Mission, where she shares her heart and her efforts to build a healthy and happy life for her family. She's blessed to have been married for almost 7 years, and to be a mother to a 2 year old son and 3.5 year old daughter. Anna's interested in all things attachment parenting, but her two biggest passions are birth and breastfeeding. She hopes to be a doula or midwife someday, and to help women during one of the most amazing moments this life has to offer.