Positive Parenting in Action: Book Review

Image courtesy of Positive Parents.org

Positive Parenting in Action is the book I wish I had had when my oldest was a baby.  No healthy parents want to punish their kids.  Yet we know that they need guidance and protective limits.  There are some excellent books out there now on why we should choose positive parenting.  There is also an impressive amount of research that shows the dangers of punitive parenting.  The missing link for so many parents is knowing how to avoid the pitfalls of permissive parenting without using punishments.  This book fills that gap.

Most moms really don't have the time to digest a lengthy book full of theory.  Positive Parenting in Action is a concise 69 pages, 54 of which are devoted to real-life scenarios.  But those pages are packed with the essentials: an understanding of brain development and likely motivations behind the behavior, as well as a thorough, eminently practical approach to what you can do about it.

What this book is NOT:

• Fear-based.  You aren't going to be threatened with all the possible dire consequences to your child if you don't get it perfect.
• Permissive.  It doesn't just tell you to sit back and relax as your child does something dangerous or inappropriate.  It doesn't treat a child's misguided attempts to meet her needs with a pat on the head or syrupy excuses that it is just developmentally appropriate.  
• Punitive.  It doesn't set up parents as conquerors of their enemy offspring.  It doesn't encourage physical OR emotional forms of punishment.

What this book IS:

• Practical.  These are real life situations written by real life moms.  Instead of vague generalizations, you get specific examples of 42 different scenarios of 15 behavior areas--everything from safety issues, tantrums, chores and more.
• Respectful.  It respects both parent and child.
• Varied.  It doesn't prescribe a one-size-fits-all approach.  It makes allowance for individual needs and temperaments.  

I wish I could give every new parent a copy of this book.  It takes positive parenting out of the realm of theory into approachable, every day life.   Order your copy here!  And to add some more positive parenting to your day, check out their blog and Facebook page.

On a final, personal note, I have followed these authors for some time and I really believe in what they are doing.  As a follower of Christ, it comforts my heart to have sisters who understand His teachings about grace, redemption, authority and love.  I was honored to have one of the authors share a guest post on the power of speaking Biblical blessings over our children.  Although this book is for anyone and does not push a religious agenda in any way, it beautifully reflects Jesus' heart for families. 

Disclosure policy:  I received a complimentary copy of this book for review purposes.   My opinions are honestly shared here, and are not a paid endorsement.

The 10 Commandments for Parents: Remember the Sabbath

Sit down with an iced coffee.  Breathe.  Know you are loved.  That it is going to be OK.

Deep in the center of my heart, I know that this is my calling.  This is what I am supposed to be doing.  Yet, there are so many moments (hours, days, weeks, even) when I feel overwhelmed at this responsibility, this delight, this joy, but sometimes this burden, to be the best mom I can be for my kidlets.

One of my favorite passages from Anne of Ingleside describes Anne's rival mocking her for placing her writing career on the back burner to mother six children.  Anne replies that she is writing Living Epistles now.  We are, you know.  The messages we write on the hearts of our children will be known and read by all.  And I fear that I am not enough--not patient enough, not loving enough, not wise enough.  Too broken to mother them the way I want.

The loaves and fishes weren't enough.  They were broken.  But a miracle happened when they rested in the hands of Christ and He blessed them.  It happens with us, too.  As we remember the Sabbath, (Rest. Grace. The breath of God on us and in us.  Redemption.  Jesus.) He transforms us and our relationships.

Reading through the book of Hebrews, the Sabbath stands out as a time of grace.  Relying on God instead of our own efforts.  We know that salvation isn't about us and our own strength being enough.  It is about accepting Jesus and the work that He has done.

"And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me." II Corinthians 12:9 NASB

"Cease striving and know that I am God..." ~ Psalm 46:10 NASB

"This is the confidence that we have through Christ in the presence of God.  It isn’t that we ourselves are qualified to claim that anything came from us. No, our qualification is from God.  He has qualified us as ministers of a new covenant..." ~ II Corinthians 3:4-6 CEB

My children don't earn relationship with me by never making mistakes.  That isn't the basis of my relationship with God.  And it isn't the measure of my relationship with them.  Just as I trust in God's incredible grace to be sufficient for salvation, and I allow grace to be sufficient for my children, I believe that grace is the only way to be sufficient as a mother.

When I was a child, remembering the Sabbath meant a frankly boring afternoon between church services while I was supposed to take a nap and generally whiled away an hour or two staring at the ceiling or sneaking a book. Now I wish I could take a nap!

A physical day of celebration and rest is important.  We need it.  Our bodies need it, our minds need it, our spirits need it.  (And as an aside, I have started feeling a stirring to look more closely at the ways my Torah observant friends observe the Sabbath.  There is a richness there that is drawing me, although I haven't done anything about it yet.)

Most of all, we need to remember the Sabbath in our hearts.  To let go of our striving and inadequacies, our fears and shame.  To rest in the everlasting arms.  To lay our heads on His chest and breathe in grace and the confidence that He will take our brokenness and transform it into something that still gives life.

For all of you beautiful moms and dads who are bleary eyed from being up most of the night with a sick tiny one, who are still feeling guilty over the grouchy words you snapped off earlier this evening, who are fighting to juggle the needs of your family and jobs and home and never-ending laundry, who have pored over so many contradictory articles about education/vaccination/insert topic that your thoughts are chasing each other's tails like tireless puppies, who are sinking into a quicksand of loneliness because your spouse doesn't understand, who are afraid that you just aren't enough:  Rest.  Enter into the Sabbath.

Photo credit: oliverkindall on Flickr

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Note:  For any of you who are interested in the relationship between gentle parenting and the Sabbath, Samuel Martin has a fascinating article (over 9,000 words!) that delves into both topics.  For information on how to get a copy, please email info@biblechild.com and don't forget to check out his blog.  :)

Opening Up the GD Toolbox: Redirection and Mutual Solutions

One of the toughest seasons I ever endured as a parent was when I was first pregnant with our third child.  I was throwing up at least seven times a day, and trying to parent a 3.5 year old and an almost 2 year old when I only wanted to lay on the couch and wallow in misery.  I wanted to be able to say something once and have my children obey perfectly without any follow through on my part.  Since they were real, live kids rather than stuffed animals, that was only minimally effective.

Photo credit Andy Welsh on Flickr

Whatever season of parenting you are in, I believe that the same pressures and temptations call out to us.  We want an easy button.  It becomes reflex to Just Say No.  What I learned, though, was that if I was willing to spend a little more energy in discovering the reason for the behavior and working on finding out something else that would meet that need, then there was much less energy required--physically, too, but especially emotionally.

Around that time, my 19 month old began to love hitting.  He wasn't even angry most of the time.  He just got a kick out of the sensation, the noise and the reactions.  We tried softly stroking our cheeks with his hands and telling him "Gentle touches".  He giggled and slapped again.  My temper and frustration were building, until I recalled something I had read by Dr. Sears.  We began teaching him to give us high fives.  His face lit up with delight, and he began to repeat it.  He still got what he was craving--the game, noise, sensation and excitement--but now it was in a socially acceptable way that didn't hurt anyone.  I would like to say that at least we got a little advance warning as he gleefully squealed, "High fibe!" before striking, but he usually didn't say it till he was already mid-strike.  Still, it was progress.

I'll be honest.  Most of the time, when I am tempted to say no, it isn't because they want to do something morally wrong or even dangerous, provided my help and supervision.  It is because I don't want to spend the time and energy required to keep it from becoming dangerous.  Is that a good enough reason?  Sometimes, but not often.  When it is, then I have learned to streamline as much as possible, adapt my standards for all of us as much as I can, and worry about picking up the pieces once we are all in a place where we can do that.  The rest of the time, I must remind myself of my long-term goals for myself and my children.

I remember as a kid a friend who wouldn't even ask her parents for permission to do things (and we are talking about things that my fairly conservative parents would have approved without hesitation) because she was pretty sure that the answer would be no. She decided at an early age it was easier on everyone not to even put them (or herself) in that position.   I don't want the default for my kids to be to shut me out and look elsewhere for guidance, help or even just fun and love.

One of the keys is finding out what their true need is and then helping them find a way to do it.  Is it a craving for attention?  Sensory input? Experimentation? Exploration?  Physical activity? Reassurance? 

When they are tiny, it seems like a lot of effort to decipher the desires that they are unable to even articulate themselves.  But the more connected you are, the easier it is, which reinforces the whole circle of trusting, loving relationship, which also makes it easier for them to want to please you.  And even if you wrack your brain to no avail, each suggestion met with wails or frustration by your baby, at least they know that you care.  Their feelings matter enough for you to try.

As the get older, they can do an amazing job of brainstorming with you so that everyone's needs are acknowledged.  Sometimes my three year old really wants to eat on the living room floor.  I explained that if food got on the carpet it would be hard to clean.  She thought for a second then ran to grab a big beach towel to protect the floor.  My eight year old, who loathes having her hair brushed, has asked on occasion to wear a hat when we go out so that she only has to brush the bottom part. 

My kidlets have learned from the time they were babies to negotiate.  Not in a win-lose situation where neither party is satisfied, but to be creative with ways that get everyone's goals met.

I know that some parents consider this backtalk, or defiance or disobedience.  "But if my child is in an emergency situation, they had better obey instantly without discussing or arguing!"  OK.  I don't know about you, but in an emergency situation, I will be doing everything I can physically to help keep them safe, most likely being right next to them to help them carry out any instructions.  And my kids have sufficient emotional awareness to tell by my voice and body language when I am deadly serious.

Another huge difference is the attitude.  My children are being respectful when they present alternatives.  Knowing that their input is valued, that they will be heard, and that I will do my best to meet their needs means that they don't have to fight defensively or belligerently for a grudged concession.  Their ideas are welcomed in our house.

We look for ways to say yes as much as we can to each other.  Not just them to me or me to them, but all of us honoring the other and seeking to understand and bless each other.  That kind of intention is a powerful thing.

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Image credit goaliej54 on Flickr

Moving away from punitive parenting requires a brand new set of tools.  Let's open it up together! For the rest of the series, click here.  And if gentle discipline is revealing areas where you need to work on yourself, see if any of these personal tools resonate with you.

Looking for more practical tips?  Check out my favorite post from the Hippie Housewife on The Hows of Discipline (and read through all the comments!),  Pearl in Oyster's 52 Tool Cards series and Aha! Parenting's blog.  Do you need inspiration and a reminder of why and how to do this?  Read Emerging Mummy's Practices of Mothering and Positive Parenting: Toddlers and Beyond.  If you have other great resources or ideas, please add them in the comments.

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In the Roar of Your Waterfalls

"Deep calls to deep
   in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
   have swept over me.
By day the LORD directs his love,
   at night his song is with me—
   a prayer to the God of my life." ~ Psalm 42:7-8

I didn't expect this.  Not any of it.  For one thing, I never really expected my blog to last more than a couple of months, or for writing to matter at all to me.  But in pouring out my heart here, I began to feel connected with you.  And that matters.  You matter.

I have had some exciting news this weekend about joining the Natural Parents Network and a couple of articles that were favorably received by Home Educating Family Magazine.  I am elated!  But when I shared it with a family member, I just got rolled eyes.  I let them know that I was hurt by the response, and was answered in no uncertain terms that in their opinion, my writing is just a waste of time.  There were some personal jabs added about my lack of housekeeping skills, parenting and homeschooling.

You ever have times when hurt, anger, and loneliness just crash over your heart like waves?  And just when you think you are starting to catch your breath, they just knock you under all over again?  Yeah, that.  My emotions are pounding in my ears like a roaring waterfall.

Right now, two of the people closest to me in real life have let me know that they disapprove of my writing.  One because I am "speaking against the Lord's anointed" by writing against the teachings of people like Dobson, Gothard, the Pearls, etc.  Another because I don't have anything worth the time to say it. The result is that I now have a deep part of my heart that I no longer feel safe in sharing with them.

Tonight, as my heart pounded a waterfall of tears, I remembered the first part of the verse.

Deep calls to deep because all of us long for intimacy. Vulnerability that reveals the depths of our souls. It is a dangerous thing. Those deep places are only protected by distance from the surface. Our only safety is in love that is even more profound. In God.

We are meant to have intimacy with other people.  But there is a place that is only meant for God. My self worth is found there, in who He is and who He created me to be. The stuff that fills me up inside comes from Him, not the approval of those around me. It has to, or I will always be tossed by every little wave of disapproval.

I believe that is the key, but I am still trying to figure out what it looks like to continue calling out to the depths in those closest to us.  Where, exactly, is the difference between forgiveness and grace-full boundaries?  These relationships are meant to be profound ones, and I don't want to close off my heart, but I don't want to open it up to be ground down into the mud again.  I need help, because right now my thoughts and feelings keep splashing all over the place.

I do know that He sent swelling tides of healing and love through you, my dear friends.  So many of you took the time to encourage me, to comment on my Facebook status and to send hugs and prayers.  As I read your words, my spirit was bouyed up and my heart began to sing again.  Thank you.

Those waterfalls can be deafening.  That is why we have to sing His song even louder.  I am so grateful to you all for relentlessly singing the song of love and grace, of healing and hope over me.

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I've admitted to being stuck in a musical time warp.  If the verse got Margaret Becker stuck in your head, here you go: 

Photo credit: wsaryada on Flickr

Not-So-Super Powers

My little sweetlings love playing super heroes.  They race around making appropriate noises for all of their pretend super powers--beeps, whirs, laser sounds, flying webs--and in their imaginations, they are capable of anything.

It turns out that my mutant gifted children do have amazing powers that I never imagined before becoming a mom.  Sadly, these powers are not always used for good.  I will refrain from labeling my own kidlets villains, but here are a few of their not-so-super powers:

• Sharpie generators.  I learned quickly that kids and permanent markers don't mix.  At first, I merely hid the markers.  When that proved ineffective, I tossed them and only purchased washable ones.  Once I discovered to my dismay that the washable part of that was not a guarantee, I stopped buying them altogether.  That was years ago.  Despite ruthless, swift destruction of every marker that we find, they continually appear.  My husband and I gaze at each other in consternation. Suspicious accusations, "Did you buy that?"  followed by sincerely horrified, indignant denials have convinced both of us that our children possess a remarkable ability to replicate them out of thin air.  Or possibly transform them from ordinary socks or hair clips, which always go missing.

• Levitation.  I used to wish I could fly, and even jumped from our (low) roof with a trash-bag parachute once.  My children can do the real thing.  Not always, of course.  But if anything (such as the aforementioned markers, lipstick, my chocolate stash or any other forbidden object) is placed up high, they develop ninja skills more convincing than any of the old Japanese movies.  Even the toddler can ascend to the top of the refrigerator in a split second.  

• Interruptor sensors.  Forget shining the bat signal.  My children have a much more reliable sensor that detects not only when I am on an important phone call or conversation, but is even attuned to the exact degree of  urgency or seriousness involved.  They will be happily engaged, playing quietly until it begins.  Their sensor instantly alerts them.  If it is a casual chat with a friend, they will have correspondingly casual questions or requests.  If it is my boss or something similar, they will not rest until they have succeeded in diffusing the call, using ear-splitting shrieks as needed.
   
• Techno prowess.  I consider myself reasonably competent when it comes to electronics.  Even when VCRs were common, I never had problems programming them.  The digital clock on our stove always tells the correct time.  My children, though, surpass me by far.  They have all possessed an uncanny, infallible instinct from babyhood for pressing the precise button to delete saved programs, turn off any show a sibling was watching, and erase any document I was working on.  I won't even mention the number of deleted apps.  Even if they were still crawling, they would somehow use the aforementioned ninja skills to reach buttons that were, to all appearances, far out of reach.  On a related note, they are also able to cause remotes to materialize and dematerialize at will. 

I love and accept my children for who they are.  I am a little concerned that their super powers so often seem to be used for nefarious purposes.  But there is one more ability that is always used for good: they give the most powerful, loving and healing hugs in any universe.  What amazing abilities do your little ones possess?

Nuestra carta sobre la disciplina Bíblica y las nalgadas

Hace unos años, mi esposo y yo le escribimos esta carta a nuestro pastor sobre la crianza y disciplina de los niños.  Por fin, llegamos a traducirla al español.

Estimado Pastor,

Estamos muy agradecidos por todas las maneras en que Ud. nos ha ayudado a conectar de una manera más cercana con Dios. Esto, por supuesto, ha tenido una profunda influencia en nuestra manera de criar a los niños. Sin embargo, a la luz de un sermón reciente, nos gustaría presentarle una visión cristiana alternativa de disciplinar a los niños. Los cristianos, por supuesto, son probablemente los más fuertes defensores de los castigos físicos en los EEUU. Es, según dicen, su derecho dado por Dios -- es lo que la Biblia enseña. Esto es exactamente el punto de la discordia y lo que esperamos humildemente refutar.
 
Tomemos el Antiguo Testamento. Algunos (nuestros hermanos cristianos más conservadores) dirían que cubre un período de cerca de 4000-10,000 años, mientras que otros (nuestros hermanos más moderados y liberales), dirían entre 10.000 hasta millones de años. Independientemente de su punto de vista al respeto, tiene que ser asombroso que no hay ningún ejemplo de una nalgada en todo el Antiguo Testamento. Esto es especialmente impresionante si tomamos en cuenta el gran porcentaje de los libros del Antiguo Testamento que son más narrativos que didácticos. También podríamos añadir que no hay ningún ejemplo de una nalgada en el Nuevo Testamento, a pesar de que el período de tiempo es significativamente menor (alrededor de 100 años) y la mayoría de los libros es didáctica y no narrativa.  Sin duda, hay algunos pasajes didácticos en ambos Testamentos que pueden ser interpretados como pro-azotes, sin embargo, pueden ser interpretados desde una perspectiva diferente con buena exégesis.
 
¿No es extraño que una enseñanza que está tan firmemente en manos de tantos creyentes, que no haya ningún ejemplo en cualquier Testamento? Pero, aunque no hay ninguna ilustración en la narrativa bíblica de las nalgadas, si es clara y consistentemente enseñado en pasajes didácticos, entonces tenemos que aceptarlo como Dios ordenó. En el Antiguo Testamento, los únicos pasajes que pueden ser interpretados a favor de las nalgadas se encuentran en un solo libro: Proverbios. Un buen principio hermenéutico es no construir doctrina usando pasajes poéticos. Los Libros de la Sabiduría están llenos de simbolismo e hipérbole y son a menudo un obstáculo para los lectores más literales de interpretación. La "vara" en estos pasajes de Proverbios que muchos ven como una licencia para azotar es simbólico. Es palabra hebrea que se traduce a menudo como cayado de pastor o cetro de rey. Así que, si íbamos a ser más literales, una mejor traducción sería bate y no ramita! Pero eso no es la intención del autor. Esta vara es un símbolo de autoridad y guianza, como un pastor guía a sus ovejas o un rey que rige a su pueblo. Por eso el salmista pudo exclamar con alegría: "Tu vara y tu cayado me consuelan" (Salmo 23:4).  

Tal vez más importante es el significado de la palabra hebrea para "hijo."  En hebreo, es "na'ar," y significa un varón (nunca una niña) casi adulto, un joven con más de doce años.  Hay palabras bien distintas en hebreo para cada etapa de la vida: yeled (recien nacido), yonek (un bebé que solamente toma leche), olel (todavía amamanta, pero también empieza a comer, de seis meses hasta tres años), taph (un niño que está apegado a su mamá, entre cuatro y seis años), elem (un muchacho que está creciendo para ser fuerte (hasta 12 o 13 años), na'ar (un joven que empieza a separase de sus padres) y bachur (un hombre maduro, listo para casarse).    

El libro de Proverbios fue escrito principalmente para los jovenes.  Por eso está lleno de consejos y temas apropiados para ellos, como la mujer extraña.  No fue dirijido a los nenes chiquitos.  Y los versos que hablan de la disciplina usan la parabra na'ar especificamente para ellos, no para los niños menores.  Así que, en hebreo, estos versos hablan de la importancia de la autoridad y guianza en la vida de un joven casi adulto, no de nalgadas para los nenes.
 
Es un poco extraño que las personas que insisten en que los pasajes de un libro poético son un mandato, sin embargo, ignoran instrucciones claras de un pasaje didáctico en la Torá a matar a hijos rebeldes. (Deuteronomio 21:18-21). ¿Por qué la contradicción? Usted afirma que un pasaje es, obviamente, moralmente incorrecto. Consideramos que ambos son moralmente incorrectos, especialmente en vista de la culminación de la revelación progresiva de Dios --- Jesucristo, que nos enseñó, entre otras cosas, que a menos que lleguemos "a ser como niños pequeños" no podemos entrar en el reino de los cielos ( Mt. 18:3. Véase también Mateo 19:14). Implicación: los niños están más en sintonía con Dios que los adultos. Lo cual plantea la pregunta: ¿los injustos deben castigar a los justos?
 
Aunque el Antiguo Testamento es de gran valor, reconocemos que ya no estar bajo la ley cambia la forma en que se aplican algunas de las Escrituras del Antiguo Testamento a nuestra vida cotidiana. Así que, aún si las nalgadas son algo que enseña el Antiguo Testamento, no significa que son aprobadas por el Nuevo Testamento. En el Nuevo Testamento, el único pasaje que se utiliza para apoyar las nalgadas es Hebreos 12:4-6. Volviendo a la lengua original de allí, sin embargo, también cambia el significado a la importancia de la disciplina y la autoridad en la formación de un hijo, no el castigo físico. Ciertamente Dios nos disciplina, pero Él no nos golpea físicamente cuando lo hace. Lea el texto. Una exégesis adecuada muestra que las personas a favor de las nalgadas están elegiendo a leer en este pasaje el mismo punto que necesitan para probar su propio punto de vista.

Así que, si la Biblia no nos enseña a castigar con nalgadas a nuestros hijos, entonces tenemos que evaluar la disciplina de acuerdo a otros principios que la Biblia sí enseña claramente. Jesús nos enseña que tenemos dos objetivos: (1) amar a Dios con todo lo que somos y (2) tratar a los demás como nos gustaría ser tratados. No implica en ninguna parte que sus palabras no se aplican a la forma en que los adultos tratan a los niños. De hecho, las interacciones de Jesús con los niños mostraron un esfuerzo especial para darles valor a ellos y a sus sentimientos. También nos dice que cualquier cosa que le hacemos al más pequeño de estos que se lo estamos haciendo a él. ¿Puede decir honestamente que usted desea que alguien le golpee? Yo no. Puedo decir honestamente que me gustaría amorosa corrección e instrucción si estuviera haciendo algo malo, pero ser golpeado no sería una parte de ella.
 
El ejemplo de Jesús es que la persona con autoridad tiene una responsabilidad aún mayor para actuar en el amor que la persona bajo autoridad. Debemos demostrar el fruto del Espíritu. Pero, ¿cómo es pegar a un niño compatible con la paz, la paciencia, la bondad y gentileza? La Biblia es muy específica acerca de cómo debemos tratar con el pecado en los demás: nos enseña que en la corrección de aquellos que desobedecen a hacerlo con espíritu de mansedumbre (Gálatas 6:1). Los padres son específicamente advirtidos a no provocar a sus hijos a la ira ni a exasperación para que no se desanimen (Ef. 6:4, Col. 3:21). Cuando las personas más amadas en el mundo deliberadamente le hacen daño a su peque, es bastante desalentador,a pesar de cualquier motivo noble que ellos tengan.
 
La Biblia eñsena claramente que los padres tienen la responsabilidad de disciplinar a sus hijos. Pero la disciplina y las nalgadas no son la misma cosa. La disciplina tiene que ver con la enseñanza y hacer discípulos. Es difícil para los niños a centrarse en una lección de vida, sin embargo, si están distraídos por la ira, el dolor, el miedo o la humillación y el resentimiento que se derivan de ser golpeado. Como profesores y maestros, nuestras clases de educación profesional y nuestros años de experiencia con estudiantes de muchas edades nos han convencido de que la investigación es correcta en mostrar que la gente aprende más eficazmente a través del refuerzo positivo que del castigo (refuerzo negativo).
 
Otro punto importante es que la mayoría de nosotros aprende mejor por un ejemplo - es por eso que Pablo nos escribió a ser imitadores de él como hijos amados. Los niños son expertos en la imitación. Demasiados niños en nuestro país están aprendiendo que la manera de responder a un ofenso es herir a la otra persona.  

 Reconocemos que en otras relaciones de autoridad (empleador / empleado, oficial de policía y civiles, pastor / miembro de la iglesia, el esposo / esposa) que el castigo físico no es apropiado, aun cuando la corrección es necesaria. Los niños son más vulnerables, sin duda podemos encontrar mejores maneras de corregirlos, también.
 
Cuando los cristianos enseñan a los padres a pegar a sus hijos, la mayoría tiene una lista de reglas sobre cómo, cuándo y con qué debe hacerlo. No hay absolutamente ninguna base bíblica para eso.  Son esencialmente preferencias culturales. Siempre significa pegar a un niño con el fin de producir dolor y miedo. ¿Por qué sentimos la necesidad de crear pautas como: sólo pegarle en las nalgas o en las piernas (Proverbios nunca habla de eso--dice en la espalda para los necios, pero no habla de los hijos), sólo el X número de veces, sólo con la mano (para saber si está usando demasiada fuerza), nunca con la mano (para no crear una asociación negativa con la mano del padre). Es darle en las nalgas mejor que la práctica Waorani de abofetear a sus hijos en la cara con ortigas? ¿Por qué, si no resulta en daño permanente? Si Dios no impone un límite en el número de veces de golpear a un niño, entonces quién puede decir que pegarle nueve veces es peor que dos? Muchos adviertan que es importante no sentirse enojado al darles una nalgada.  Así es por lo menos más probabe evitar una pérdida total de control y evitar lesiones físicas y graves.  Sin embargo, ver a la persona a que Ud. ama más que cualquier otro decidir con calma y deliberación hacerle daño es una experiencia escalofriante.
 
Yo diría que la razón detrás de las normas que los cristianos crean es que nuestra conciencia nos está condenando. Estamos conscientes de que lastimar a los que son más pequeños y más débiles va en contra de la naturaleza de Cristo y sentimos la necesidad de justificar y minimizar lo que estamos haciendo en realidad.
 
Otra cuestión es que mientras el niño crece, las nalgadas cuestan más fuerza y más azotes para producir el mismo nivel de dolor y miedo. ¿A qué punto empieza a cruzar la línea al abuso? Por supuesto, la mayoría de los padres dejan de castigarlos físicamente una vez que el niño comience a acercarse a ellos en tamaño y madurez. Estamos de acuerdo en que entonces es más apropiado utilizar la admonición bíblica: "Venid ahora, razonemos juntos ...". Si el niño tiene edad suficiente para entender, las nalgadas no son necesarias. Si el niño es demasiado joven para hablar del asunto con sus padres y tener suficiente dominio propio a controlar sus impulsos (según las investigaciones científicas, el cerebro no es suficiente maduro para hacer tales decisiones por muchos años), entonces el niño es demasiado joven para comprender efectivamente lo que los padres están tratando de enseñar, y castigarlo es cruel y sin sentido.
 
La falsa dicotomía que siempre se sugiere es que si los padres no pegan a sus hijos, tampoco los disciplinan. Eso sugiere que los padres recurren a las nalgadas como su forma principal o única de la disciplina. No queremos decir que los padres sean permisivos y peresozos. La responsabilidad de los padres a disciplinar a sus hijos es grave, incluso temible. Al optar por no pegar, hemos adquirido un conocimiento más profundo de los corazones de nuestros hijos. Se nos ha desafiado a lidiar con la ira y el orgullo, y buscar la sabiduría de Dios, su paciencia y amor. Esta manera proactiva de crianza es más trabajo que simplemente reaccionar con una nalgada, pero ya las recompensas han sido grandes.
 
Hay muchas formas alternativas de disciplina que resultan en armonía y con renovada conexión entre el padre y el niño. Enseñar a un niño a hacer el bien es mucho más eficaz que castigarlo después por hacer el mal. Cuando nosotros como padres obedecemos a nuestra directiva para tratar a los demás como queremos ser tratados, nos da la abilidad de ver las cosas detrás de los ojos del niño y tratar con la raíz del problema y no sólo la supresión de un comportamiento externo. Es asombroso ver como rompe un ciclo de irritabilidad y frustración cuando el padre elige a disciplinar a través de la restauración de la relación. Muchos padres asumen que un "time out" es la opción por defecto si los padres no pegan a sus hijos. Sin embargo, a menudo lo que los niños necesitan es más tiempo con los padres para volver a conectar, inspirar confianza y restaurar. Sin añadir más a esta carta larga, si usted está interesado en otras maneras de disciplinar, estaremos encantados de explicar cómo manejar situaciones específicas o dirigirte a las fuentes que hemos encontrado beneficiosos.
 
El plan detrás de la redención es claro: Dios quiere volver a conectar con nosotros. Toda la historia de la ley muestra que sólo castigar el pecado no puede cambiar el corazón. Lo que cambia los corazones de nuestros hijos es la relación. La obediencia nace del amor y la confianza en lugar de un deseo egoísta de evitar el castigo. Si los niños obedecen simplemente por temor a ser azotado, su motivación no es justo, pero sólo centrado en sí mismo.
 
Como hijo de Dios, mi obediencia no se basa en el temor del castigo. No es motivado por miedo del infierno. Es porque amo a mi Padre celestial y he aprendido a confiar en él.  Mis hijos están aprendiendo a obedecer por las mismas razones. Si mis hijos hacen mal y se arrepienten, pero yo les doy una nalgada, parece muy inconsistente con la forma en que Dios ha perdonado mis errores. Tengo la responsabilidad de mostrar la misma gracia a mis hijos que he recibido. Es la bondad de Dios que nos lleva al arrepentimiento, no su ira.
 
Hemos optado por mirar esto desde una perspectiva cristiana, pero nos parece interesante que la investigación científica está abrumadoramente en contra de las nalgadas. La Academia Americana de Pediatría, al igual que muchas otras organizaciones profesionales relacionadas con niños y la salud, ha emitido una declaración contra el castigo corporal en la base de que no es tan eficaz como refuerzo positivo y que puede ser perjudicial tanto física como emocionalmente. De hecho, hay algunos indicios de que las nalgadas se asocian con el aumento de delincuentes y antisociales, mayor riesgo de abuso y maltrato conyugal, el aumento de riesgo de agresión infantil y la agresión de adultos, la disminución de la salud mental infantil y la disminución de la salud mental de adultos. Tenga en cuenta esto a la luz de la advertencia de Jesús contra los que causan los más pequeños a tropezar.  Hay más de 30 naciones, incluso Israel, que tienen leyes prohibiendo las nalgadas.
 
A veces es difícil discernir lo que la Biblia enseña sobre temas específicos. Usted utiliza a menudo la ilustración de Dios jugando a las escondidas con el fin de animarnos a buscarlo con todo nuestro corazón. Sobre el tema de las nalgadas, nos ha dado destellos de su corazón - la parábola del siervo despiadado (Mt 18,21-35), I Juan 4, Santiago 2:13. Ninguno de estos sugiere ignorar o excusar el pecado, pero todos nos enseñan a ser humildes y amorosos mientras intentamos mostrar a los demás, independientemente de su edad, una mejor manera.
 
Para terminar, escribirmos esto por nuestro respeto para usted. Sabemos que usted es alguien que tiene el coraje de mirar más allá de las respuestas fáciles y superficiales, y la integridad de tener convicciones que no son populares. Créanos, en los círculos cristianos, diciplinar sin nalgadas es equivalente a la herejía, pero es una causa muy digna. Nosotros los queremos mucho a usted y su familia y estamos agradecidos de que Dios nos ha puesto bajo su dirección espiritual. Que Dios bendiga a usted y su familia. Carlos y Dulce

The 10 Commandments for Parents: Taking His Name in Vain

The single greatest cause of atheism in the world today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, then walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable. ~ Brennan Manning

Taking God's name in vain, in my mind, is far deeper than the words we exclaim in intense moments.  The real heart of this commandment is about how we live.  If we are called by His name, we need to act like Jesus would.  We color our children's perception of God, and the weight of that responsibility leaves me gasping some days.

As I have mentioned before, I grew up in the ministry.  Parents, grandparents and parents in law were all pastors.  I've seen the good, the bad and the ugly.  My husband and I have heard all the jokes and stories about preachers' kids.  We know about hypocrisy and how damaging it can be.

But I stumble.  So many days (every day?) I slip into self-centeredness.  I feel that tightness at the corners of my mouth, hear the voice of the Accuser in an angry sigh from my own mouth.  I fight to cling to gentleness when the littles are arguing, interrupting again some task I am desperate to finish...

Our youngest daughter's name means "true image".  That is what we want to be to our children.  A true image of love and grace, so that their vision of the Father won't be horribly distorted and clouded.  I rail (justly, I think) at the hypocrisy of religious teachers who claim mercy and forgiveness through the cross for adults, but insist that children pay for their sins through spankings and punishments.  Yet there are days when I want vengeance, too.

That mocking voice that jeers, "Who are you to write about parenting?" gets disturbingly loud sometimes.

The truth is that the only way to escape taking God's name in vain is to dwell in Him.  To abide in the vine.  That looks like relationship.  Spending time together.  Not in an oh-no-on-top-of-everything-else-obligatory-spiritual-quiet-time-that-I-would-look-forward-to-if-I-were-a-better-Christian way.  (Shudder).  Not another way to fail.  It looks like the evenings when my headache eases because I am resting against Carlos' chest.   Like when we laugh together and carry on a conversation despite a zillion interruptions because we know each other enough to follow along anyway.  Like the times that our eyes meet and we can't help but smile.  Like that.

I am convinced that if we spend enough time with Him, our clothes will start to smell like God's house.  "So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience..."(Col. 3:12)


I breathe in grace and put on compassion and kindness, even if they fit a bit awkwardly.  

And I can trust in His power at work in my life that is helping me grow into His image and likeness.  

Taking someone's name is about becoming family.  What I want my children to see is that relationship.  Jesus said that we would be recognized as His because of love.  As a daughter of God, a mother to my children and a sister to them in Christ (why isn't this aspect talked about more in Christian parenting circles?), I want love to permeate every aspect of our days, to clothe all our interactions so that they never have to wonder if I have taken that name in vain. 

Because I can't be the only one who gets this song stuck in my head whenever I read the opening quote to this post. ;)

Journey to Gentle Discipline: Guest Post from Momma on a Mission

I am always so excited to hear of other journeys to gentle discipline.  It is especially cool when it happens through the Holy Spirit and friends of mine.  I am so grateful both to Anna and Guggie for their friendship, inspiration and all that I learn from them.  You make my life richer!  <3

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I'm pretty new to the concept of non-punitive parenting. Finding my way here has been a long, difficult, and frustrating road for me, but I feel like I've finally come home! I'm going to share a little bit of my story with you today, but just the condensed version because there's something else I want to share with you too.

I grew up in a very pro-spanking home. We were taught that spanking was God's plan, and the only way to raise kids to be Godly adults. So when I became an adult and started having kids of my own, I naturally carried that belief forward with me. Even as I started to question what I'd been taught about birth, breastfeeding, food, women's roles and just about everything else, spanking somehow slid under the radar, safe in it's little pigeonhole in my mind. I thought I was doing something good and "modern" by being open to using other tools too, and saying that different things worked for different kids, and maybe spanking wasn't right for everyone. I definitely thought it was still right for us though!

A couple of months after my son was born, I became friends with Guggie Daly on Facebook. If you know Guggie, you know she's a strong advocate for anything relating to mothers' and child's rights. She's constantly sharing information and starting the most interesting discussions. I liked her! Finally- someone who believed the way I did about birth and breastfeeding! And she seemed to take things to the next level too- I learned so much from her those first couple of months. I also noticed that she was very much anti-spanking. I'd see her post things that spoke out against spanking, or tried to show a different way, and I thought it was a little misguided. I was okay with that though! I told myself that I didn't have to agree with everything that Guggie believed in to be her facebook friend. Just agree to disagree, right? I told myself that she just probably didn't know what the Bible said about spanking, or that she'd taken this hippie thing a little too far. When she'd post something about spanking, I'd usually chuckle to myself and move on.

Until one day, what seemed like out of the blue, I started to struggle within myself about the issue. My heart just couldn't handle spanking my daughter anymore. I still believed in it in my head, but my heart couldn't handle it anymore- and I was totally shocked by that. I had no idea what was going on or what to do with those feelings. I felt like a horrible mother, and some days I felt like I just hated being a mom. I had so looked forward to having kids, and this was not what I expected at all. I lived in a miserable state of limbo, until one day I was on Facebook and Guggie had gone on a positive parenting posting spree again. I knew something about what I was doing had to change, so I took a chance and clicked on one of the links. And for the first time, something clicked in my mind. It was like a light bulb had been turned on. I truly believe it was the Lord that had lead me to that time and place. I finished one article, and clicked to the next, and the next, and the next. And I knew that something permanent had been done in my heart.

Image credit ericmcgregor on Flickr

As they say, the rest is history. Actually, more like history in the making. I've come a long way, but I still have so much to learn. One of the coolest things about the whole process has been watching how God has worked in my heart and even spoken to me directly a time or two. There's one experience in particular I don't think I'll ever forget, and that is what I want to share with you. It had been a particularly rough day, and I was nearing the end of my patience. My kiddos(I have a 3.5 year old and an almost 2 year old) were playing together as I was trying to get something done. I heard my younger one start to cry, and I rushed into the room to separate them for what seemed like the thousandth time. My daughter was nearly on top of my son, pulling on his shirt as he tried to get away. I was so frustrated that I quickly grabbed her up, set her down harshly on the bed, and started yelling at her, "Don't do that! You need to stop. making. him. cry!!!" As her little face melted into tears, I heard the Holy Spirit speak softly into my heart:


"No, you need to stop making her cry."


That cut me to my core. I do need to stop making her cry. And I am. I'm working every day to learn how to be a gentle, loving mother that reflects Christ's love to my children. I'm not perfect, but I'm learning and growing. And for the first time in a long time, I don't feel like a failure as a mother.

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Anna blogs at Momma on a Mission, where she shares her heart and her efforts to build a healthy and happy life for her family. She's blessed to have been married for almost 7 years, and to be a mother to a 2 year old son and 3.5 year old daughter. Anna's interested in all things attachment parenting, but her two biggest passions are birth and breastfeeding. She hopes to be a doula or midwife someday, and to help women during one of the most amazing moments this life has to offer.

The Tightrope : Generations, Cultures and Choices

Welcome to the February 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: 

Respectful Interactions With Other Parents

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have focused on how we can communicate with other parents compassionately.

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Growing up between two cultures gives you a lot of practice in balance. And once you become a parent, you may find  you are spending more time than ever on the tightrope.

How do you keep from falling when you are trying to forge a new path as parents, especially when your own parents disapprove of your choices?

Image credit Tom Raftery on Flickr

Much of the advice that I have read seems callous and patronizing. In a culture where you move out once you hit 18, may only speak with your parents once a week or so, if you have a good relationship, where outside baby sitters are the norm and independence is prized, there seems to be little understanding of our view of familia or the importance of closeness with the abuelitos and the heartache on both sides at conflict in the relationship.

We don't have that safety net of distance. The line between extended family and nuclear family gets blurred a bit when you take for granted that you will see each other weekly, as well as for every family birthday and all holidays.  It is just understood that eventually your parents will move in with you as they age and need more care.  We talk on the phone every day.  We don't even have a baby sitter who isn't familia.  And we want all this.

Parenting Differently

I didn’t set out to do things differently than my parents. I thought that they did a pretty good job with me and we have a good relationship. But the more I read and studied, talked things over with my husband and prayed, the more we were led to our own path.

On the surface, we made opposite choices on just about everything from birth to breastfeeding to sleep training to discipline. At times I felt torn between my convictions about parenting and distress at the idea of hurting our parents or seeming disrespectful.

I wanted to have my parents’ approval and for them to understand the reasons behind our choices. In fact, my eagerness had me bombarding them with every fragment of research and information I could find. I filibustered like a practiced politician on vaccination, homebirth, circumcision and gentle discipline. Deep down, I hoped that hearing all of the research and knowledge that went into my choices would help. Instead, I suspect that at times it came across as saying that they were ignorant.

I also found that many non-Hispanic friends didn’t seem to understand how agonizing it could be — most advice just seemed to suggest putting my foot down and saying, “I am the parent and you had your chance. Now you have to do things my way.” I didn’t just want the bottom line to be that we did what we wanted. I wanted to make sure our relationship wasn’t damaged.

I wanted my kids to grow up close to their abuelitos, and to trust them in their care without conflict. I wanted my parents and in-laws to know that we honored and respected them, but I also wanted them to do things our way. That is a lot to ask.

One of the most helpful things was listening, really listening, as my mom shared stories about my childhood. Some of the choices that she made went against her own heart. Like most of us, she was relying on experts around her to help her mother. When they told her that the only way babies would learn to sleep was if they were left to cry, or that breastfeeding was worthless after six months, or that children must be spanked, she sacrificed her own instincts to do what she thought was right. Being able to affirm her heart and her instincts helped both of us.

It also helps to find ways to validate their desires. Is your suegra really just not happy unless someone is eating? Does she just want a chance to hold the baby for a minute or to feel like her advice is useful? Then give it to her.  Try: “Thanks, but I’m waiting on solid food right now. But I would love for you to share the recipe with me!” or  ”I bet she would love to have you sing her that old lullaby that you used to sing to her papi.” Or:  ”Could you burp him for me?”

Even more meaningful may be finding ways to thank your parents for the things that they did right in raising you, and remind them that they helped you to become the loving, confident parent you are now. They need to hear that they are good parents, just like we do.

Honor and Healthy Boundaries

There are still areas where we disagree, though. In fact, most of them. And it is very, very hard to hold healthy boundaries. I would much rather avoid bringing up disagreements. There are some things where I have decided that it won’t hurt my children to know that good people don’t always do things the same way (food, praise). There are others where I feel that I have to protect them (car seats, spanking). It is awkward and even painful at times. However, how can I teach my children about healthy ways to handle disagreements and standing firm in their convictions if they don’t see me practice it?

I know that my parents love me and their nietos with all their hearts. Even when we disagree, our motives are the same.

The truth is that almost always, we are making the best choices we can for our families. My parents did. And so did their parents. Another thing that I learned was that my parents chose to be kinder and more gentle with us than their own parents were with them. That is not a criticism of my grandparents, who are wonderful people and full of love.  But, my grandparents also were kinder, better parents to my parents than their parents were to them. Each generation has grown progressively more gentle.

My choices are not a statement against my parents. Rather, it is thanks to their way of parenting me that I was able to have greater tools and resources to parent my own children even more gently.

We are going to slip off of that tightrope and fall as parents sometimes. Real life is just messy like that. But we can honor our parents and help our children to develop close relationships, even when we choose to do things in a different way.  And shared love for our children and each other is a wonderful safety net.

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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be live and updated by afternoon February 14 with all the carnival links.)

• How to Respond Respectfully to Unwanted Parenting Advice and Judgment — At Natural Parents Network, Amy (of Peace 4 Parents) offers some ways to deal with parenting advice and criticism, whether it's from your mom or the grocery store clerk.
• Judgement is Natural - Just Don't Condemn — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shared her views on why judgment is unavoidable and why the bigger issue is condemnation.
• Four Ways To Share Your Parenting Philosophy Gently — Valerie at Momma in Progress shares tips for communicating with fellow parents in a positive, peaceful manner.
• When Other Parents Disagree With You — Being an attachment parent is hard enough, but when you are Lily, aka Witch Mom, someone who does not enforce gender roles on her kid, who devalues capitalism and materialism, and instead prefers homeschooling and homesteading — you are bound to disagree with someone, somewhere!
• Mama Bashing — Lucy at Dreaming Aloud reflects on the hurt caused on the blogosphere by mama bashing and pleads for a more mindful way of dealing with differences.
• Accentuate the Positive — Joella at Fine and Fair shares how she manages interactions with the parents she encounters in her work as a Parent Coach and Substance Abuse Counselor by building trusting relationships and affirming strengths.
• The politics of mothers – keys to respectful interactions with other parents — Tara from MUMmedia offers great tips for handling the inevitable conflict of ideas and personalities in parenting/mother's groups, etc.
• Trying to build our village — Sheila at A Gift Universe tells how she went from knowing no other moms in her new town to building a real community of mothers.
• Internet Etiquette in the Mommy Wars — Shannon at The Artful Mama discusses how she handles heated topics in the "Mommy-space" online.
• Parenting with Convictions — Sarah at Parenting God's Children encourages love and support for fellow parents and their convictions.
• How To Be Respectful Despite Disagreeing On Parenting Styles... — Jenny at I'm a Full-Time Mummy shares her two cents' worth on how to have respectful interactions with other parents despite disagreeing on parenting styles.
• Public Relations — Momma Jorje touches on keeping the peace when discussing parenting styles.
• Navigating Parenting Politics — Since choosing an alternative parenting style means rejecting the mainstream, Miriam at The Other Baby Book shares a few simple tips that can help avoid hurt feelings.
• Hiding in my grace cave — Lauren at Hobo Mama wants to forget that not all parents are as respectful and tolerant as the people with whom she now surrounds herself.
• Carnival of Natural Parenting - Respectful Interactions with Other Parents — Wolfmother at Fabulous Mama Chronicles explores how her attitude has changed regarding sharing information and opinions with others and how she now chooses to keep the peace during social outings.
• Empathy and respect — Helen at zen mummy tries to find her zen in the midst of the Mummy Wars.
• Not Holier Than Thou — Amyables at Toddler in Tow muses about how she's learned to love all parents, despite differences, disagreements, and awkward conversations.
• Nonviolent Communication and Unconditional Love — Wendylori at High Needs Attachment reflects on the choice to not take offense as the key to honest and open communication.
• Respectful Parenting As a Way of Life — Sylvia at MaMammalia writes about using her parenting philosophy as a guide to dealing with other parents who make very different choices from her.
• Homeschooling: Why Not? — Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling shares how parents can often make homeschooling work for their family even if, at first glance, it may seem daunting.
• If You Can’t Say Something Nice… — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells her philosophy for online and offline interactions … a philosophy based primarily on a children’s movie.
• Different Rules for Different Families — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children discusses how differences between families affect our children, and how that can be a good thing.
• Respectful Interaction With Other Parents — Luschka at Diary of a First Child shares the ways she surrounds herself with a like-minded support network, so that she can gently advocate in her dealings with those whose opinions on parenting differ vastly from her own.

• Parenting as a mirror — Rather than discrediting others' parenting styles, Kate Wicker discusses why she tries to focus on doing right rather than being right — and why she’s also not afraid to show others that she’s a heartfelt but imperfect mama just trying to be the best mom for her family.
• The One Thing {Most} Parents Have In Common: They Try Their Best — Christine at African Babies Don't Cry finds interacting with other parents easier once she accepts that they are all just trying their best, just like her.
• Finding your mama-groove: 5 ways to eliminate judge/be judged metality — MudpieMama reveals 5 ways of thinking that have helped her find her mama-groove and better navigate tricky parenting discussions.
• Speaking Up For Those Who Can't — We've all had those moments when someone said something hurtful or insensitive, or downright rude that just shocks you to your core, and you're stunned into silence. Afterwards, you go home and think "Gosh, I wish I said…" This post by Arpita at Up Down, And Natural is for all the breastfeeding mamas who have thought "Gosh, I wish I said…"
• Thank you for your opinion — Gaby at Tmuffin shares her go-to comment when she feels like others are judging her parenting style.
• Mending — A playground conversation about jeans veers off course until a little mending by Kenna at Million Tiny Things is needed.
• The Thing You Don't Know — Kelly at Becoming Crunchy talks about what she believes is one of the most important things you can consider when it comes to compassionate communication with other parents.
• 3 Tips for Interacting with Other Parents Respectfully When You Disagree with Them — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares what she has learned about respectful interactions on her parenting journey.
• Peacefully Keeping My Cool: Quotes from Ana — How do you keep your cool? Ana from Pandamoly shares some of her favorite retorts and conversation starters when her Parenting Ethos comes into question.
• Kind Matters — Carrie at Love Notes Mama discusses how she strives to be the type of person she'd want to meet.
• Doing it my way but respecting your highway. — Terri from Child of the Nature Isle is determined to walk with her family on the road less travelled whether you like it or not!
• Saying "I'm Right and You're Wrong" Seldom Does Much To Improve Your Cause... — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment writes about how living by example motivates her actions and interactions with others.
• Have another kid and you won't care — Cassie of There's a Pickle in My Life, after having her second child, knows exactly how to respond to opposing advice.
• Ten Tips to Communicate Respectfully, Even When You Disagree — What if disagreements with our partners, our children or even complete strangers ultimately led to more harmony and deeper connections? They can! Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares ten tips to strengthen our relationships in the midst of conflict.
• A Little Light Conversation — Zoie at TouchstoneZ explains why respect needs to be given to every parent unconditionally.
• Why I used to hide the formula box — Laura at Pug in the Kitchen finally talks about how judgement between parents changed her views on how she handles differences in parenting.
• Assumptions — Nada at minimomist discusses how not everyone is able to nurse, physically, mentally, or emotionally.
• Shushing Your Inner Judgey McJudgerson — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction knows that judging others is easy to do, but recognizing that we all parent from different perspectives takes work.
• Respectfully Interacting with Others Online — Lani at Boobie Time Blog discusses the importance of remaining respectful behind the disguise of the internet.
• Presumption of Good Will — Why — and how — Crunchy Con Mommy is going to try to assume the best of people she disagrees with on important issues.
• Being Gracious with Parenting Advice — Tips for giving and receiving parenting advice with grace from Lisa at My World Edenwild.
• Explain, Smile, Escape — Don't know what to do when you're confronted by another parent who disagrees with you? Amy at Anktangle shares a story from her life along with a helpful method for navigating these types of tricky situations (complete with a handy flow chart!).
• Balancing Cultures and Choices — Dulce de leche discusses the challenges of walking the tightrope between generations while balancing cultural and family ties.
• Linky - Parenting Peacefully with Social Media — Hannabert's Mom discusses parenting in a social media world.