My warrior princess had been going through a period where the warrior
was very much in evidence. Her rages were a terrible thing to behold.
She would yell, stomp, knock things down and throw things. If someone
was too close, it was certainly within the realm of possibility that she
would hit or kick.
And I was mad. Mad at this tiny little girl whose feelings were so, so much bigger than she was. Mad because she was adding a burden that I didn’t want to bear. I resented interrupting other activities whenever she got upset to help her calm down and make sure that she didn’t hurt someone or something. Each outburst added a few more pounds to my load of mommy guilt as I fought to hold on to patience, peace and self control, and often dropped the ball.
Could we have punished or ignored it out of her? I asked myself that several times. Honesty compelled me to admit, though, that all punishment would have accomplished is to turn that fearsome rage inward, and the thought of that seething inside of her was far worse than dealing with the outward expressions.
“Use your words.” Except words don’t matter to this one they way they do to her older sister and me. This mighty girl has always been a tornado. Walking earlier than any of her siblings, always jumping, always running, perpetual motion, breath-taking hugs, bouncing from delight, shuddering under sadness–her language has always been more physical than verbal.
“I don’t love you. And (her voice caught here) I don’t love God.” Oooow. Words aren’t the release for her that they are to me, but she knew how to use them to kick my mama gut."
What do you do when the weight of big emotions is too strong for your little one, and you are cracking under the load of mommy guilt?
What if "use your words" doesn't work for your child whose language is much more physical than verbal?
What does it look like to bear one anothers' burdens?
I am over at A Deeper Story today sharing how my mighty girl and I are learning together. Come join us!
Image credit: woodleywonderworks
And I was mad. Mad at this tiny little girl whose feelings were so, so much bigger than she was. Mad because she was adding a burden that I didn’t want to bear. I resented interrupting other activities whenever she got upset to help her calm down and make sure that she didn’t hurt someone or something. Each outburst added a few more pounds to my load of mommy guilt as I fought to hold on to patience, peace and self control, and often dropped the ball.
Could we have punished or ignored it out of her? I asked myself that several times. Honesty compelled me to admit, though, that all punishment would have accomplished is to turn that fearsome rage inward, and the thought of that seething inside of her was far worse than dealing with the outward expressions.
“Use your words.” Except words don’t matter to this one they way they do to her older sister and me. This mighty girl has always been a tornado. Walking earlier than any of her siblings, always jumping, always running, perpetual motion, breath-taking hugs, bouncing from delight, shuddering under sadness–her language has always been more physical than verbal.
“I don’t love you. And (her voice caught here) I don’t love God.” Oooow. Words aren’t the release for her that they are to me, but she knew how to use them to kick my mama gut."
What do you do when the weight of big emotions is too strong for your little one, and you are cracking under the load of mommy guilt?
What if "use your words" doesn't work for your child whose language is much more physical than verbal?
What does it look like to bear one anothers' burdens?
I am over at A Deeper Story today sharing how my mighty girl and I are learning together. Come join us!
Image credit: woodleywonderworks
1 comment:
wow! just finished reading your entry and it blew my mind!!! how do you know to do that!!!??? i WANT to train my children that way but nothing that you did comes into my mind!!! the way i was raised comes to mind but i dont want to raise my littles on guilt and fear, so i sit there. usually i cry. sometimes i leave the room, abandoning them to deal with their big feelings on their own and feeling so guilty and so very helpless. i cant begin to tell you how encouraging it is to hear that your children rage and you are still able to give them grace and teach them that not only are their feelings normal, but you give them tools to manage their big emotions. you are a blessing to me. please keep posting because i am learning so much from you!!!!
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