My trip to Haiti, part I

As I've read the news reports and looked at the pictures of the devastation in Haiti, other visions of Haiti have been dancing in my head. I was privileged to visit that beautiful, tragic country when I was 16. I have always wanted to return someday. Now I look at the pictures and think of people and places that I saw then, and wonder how they are...if they still are. I pray for them and all the people there that I never met, and ask that you, too, please pray and give.

Half my lifetime ago, I was in Mexico with some friends who had ties to an organization that sent young people on mission trips around the world. They encouraged me to join a trip.

Now, I've never required much persuasion to travel. I was immediately excited and began to pray and look at the possibilities. There were several trips that year, many to exotic and interesting locations. One that particularly stood out to me was a trip through the rainforest in Peru. What an adventure that would be! Yet, the more I prayed, the more my heart was drawn to Haiti. This didn't make sense to me. I had never really thought about Haiti and certainly didn't see any attraction to going there. I didn't speak a word of Creole. But the more I prayed, the more sure I felt that Haiti was where I was supposed to go.

The one big obstacle was money. If you are familiar with these kind of trips, you know that the cost of sending someone from another country for a missions trip that lasts a couple of weeks doesn't really seem to be justifiable. Surely, the same amount of money sent to believers who are already in the country would be much more wisely spent. In many ways, I think that is true. However, the effect on the life of the person who goes there is priceless, and often they receive as much or ministry than they can give at that time.

While ethical and philosophical questions of money were worth thinking of in an abstract way, when it came down to practicalities, it was very simple. I didn't have the money. My parents didn't have the money. The funny thing, though, was as the certainty grew that I was supposed to go to Haiti, right along with it grew the conviction that I was not supposed to ask anyone for money. Now, if you have ever received one of the form letters that are typically sent out, you know that most of these trips are built on donations from friends and family of the teen going on the trip. Many organizations provide a nice letter to send out with information on tax deductions and everything. Not being able to do something like that was a bit disconcerting.

As the deadline grew nearer, I was near panic. I prayed and fasted, and internally questioned everything I had thought I knew about the leading of the Holy Spirit. Was I just mistaken? The convictions remained in my heart, so I continued to pray, and waited. Then the money began to arrive. Friends and family, both those who knew about my plans for the trip and those who didn't, started giving me money. Within a very short period of time, I had enough not only for my expenses but also over $100 left over to give. I was overjoyed! My heart filled up like a balloon and began to soar.

Then, the director of the mission in Haiti called. The trip had been canceled. My balloon popped and sputtered. Once again, I went through the round of questioning. Did I just blow it? Had I totally misunderstood? In the middle of this, a dear friend called. She was going on the trip to Peru that had originally piqued my interest. Why not just switch and join her? It would be so much fun, I spoke Spanish, and surely this was God's provision, right? I almost did. Yet, I couldn't escape the question of why God would lead me to Haiti if He really wanted me in Peru. It seemed way too complicated when I would have jumped at the Peru trip in the beginning.

I've always believed that God speaks to us. The fear that maybe I couldn't recognize His voice cut deeply. I kept praying, and heard no new direction. So I called the missions director and explained. I asked if I could still come, just on my own, knowing that the planned activities would not take place, and just do anything that might help. He listened courteously, but said that it had happened once before and been a very bad experience for everyone concerned, and that they didn't want it to happen. I hung up the phone questioning my entire relationship with God. Not Who He was, or Christianity--just my relationship with Him and ability to hear Him.

A few days later, the missions director called back. He had spoken with the rest of the team who lived in Haiti, and they had all sought God about this. The end result was that I was welcome to come if I still wished. Joy unspeakable and full of glory!

Looking back, in many ways the most remarkable, exciting part of the trip took place before I ever went. Some reading this might be a bit bemused by the elaborate round of prayer and questioning. It may seem entirely unnecessary. But in retrospect, one of the most important lessons of my life (that I am still learning) is to trust the still small Voice inside me. I wonder how many things might be different if I hadn't had past experience, such as with the trip to Haiti, to bolster my faith during the times when I wonder if it is really God or just my own imagination.

Entonces, mami dice...sí

It isn't something Carlos and I ever actually discussed, I don't think, and I'm not sure exactly how it came about. My best guess is that Carlos got it intuitively, as he seems to do with so many parenting issues, and I read about it somewhere and then started working to implement it. But from the very beginning, we've enjoyed being able to say "yes" to our kids. I was laughing yesterday at how many times both Joel and Ariana completed the following pattern: they would make a request, explain why it was important to them, and Carlos or I would consider it, then we would all join in gleefully on the phrase, "Entonces, mami (o dadi) dice si'." *see footnote

Neither of the kids ever went through the typical toddler phase of saying no to everything, and we try to avoid the typical parent phase of saying no to everything, as well. It is amazing how deeply entrenched it seems to be in our programming. Especially when Ariana was younger, I was surprised at how often my default response was to say no. However, if I stopped to actually consider the request, there really wasn't a reason to veto it. Messy? Possibly. Requiring my attention and assistance? Probably. Dangerous? Usually not, provided the aforementioned attention and assistance, or at least not after a minor modification.

I remember as a kid a friend who wouldn't even ask her parents for permission to do things (and we are talking about things that my fairly conservative parents would have approved without hesitation) because she was pretty sure that the answer would be no. She decided at an early age it was easier on everyone not to even put them (or herself) in that position.

How often do we do that with God? Assume that He will say no, and not even bother to approach Him? Sometimes we may just do things our own way anyway, as if hoping He won't notice. For things that we are unable to wrangle on our own, sometimes we still hesitate to ask, as if it is too extravagant or too frivolous to expect our Father to care.

Being infinite means that nothing is too big OR too small. He cares about flowers and birds, and has even greater love for us. Read Matthew 6:25-34, 7:7-11, Romans 8, and the hundreds of other passages that depict a Daddy who delights in saying yes. You may find that "entonces, Dios dice...si'."

*Entonces...=Then, mami/daddy says yes. By the way, I have often wanted to post Spanish stuff in here, but I have problems with the accents and any other special characters when I hit publish and it refuses to accept the codes. "Si" has an accent mark over the "i"--without it, it means "if". Unfortunately, I had to sacrifice accuracy and just use an apostrophe.

Isaac's sacrifice--the rest of the story

We are all familiar with the story of Abraham and Isaac. Isaac was the beloved, long-awaited miracle child. God asked Abraham to sacrifice his precious son, but just before the knife fell intervened and told Abe not to go through with it. As a parent, my stomach churns at the mere thought of losing one of my children. But I wonder about the rest of the story.

Did Sarah know what was going on? Did God or Abraham talk to her about this? If so, what were her thoughts and feelings? She was obviously a protective mother--what went through her mind and heart when she heard about this sacrifice? Did Abraham trust her enough to talk to her about it? Did she trust God enough to agree to it?

Perhaps even more importantly, why did Isaac go along with it? Abraham was very old--surely if young, strong Isaac had resisted, he could have escaped. Why did he allow Abraham to bind him and lay him on the altar?

It is possible, of course, that God somehow paralyzed him, or that Abraham tricked him into being bound and helpless. But, somehow, I don't think so. I believe that Isaac trusted God and his father enough to voluntarily agree to the sacrifice. And that leads me to wonder how that trust and faith were built through the years. Am I helping my children to know God in such a way that they will choose to give their lives to Him? I may never get the rest of the details of Isaac's side of the story, but I hope to see my children learn to love and trust God so much that they gladly lay their lives down as a living sacrifice.