Surprise, surprise!

So as not to keep anyone in suspense, I'll jump right to the good part: we're pregnant! Now, for the backstory...

I've always believed that God speaks to us, but some times my hearing works better than others. Many years ago, a friend told me that she thought that women had the ability to be extra-sensitive to the Holy Spirit during times of hormonal shifts, like a sort of super-Godly PMS. I think I snorted. But the idea intrigued me, and decades later when I became pregnant, I remembered her comments.

With each of the last three pregnancies, I would wake up in the night with spontaneous praise sings to God for the baby inside of me. It was such a powerful outpouring of joy that in the morning, even though my period wasn't late, I'd go buy a pregnancy test, and it would be positive.

Throughout the pregnancy, as I opened up and listened, particularly during the nights of pregnancy, certain things would be impressed on my heart for each child. With Elena, that also included a very strong impression that I was not supposed to get an epidural or other pain meds, even though I had with the first two and it had been fine. Our OB later confirmed that if I had had an epidural, she probably would have died, or at the least been severely brain damaged. So, even though I try to be cautious about claiming "Thus saith the Lord!" I pay a lot of attention to the impressions I get.

Several months ago, when praying about our family size and the possibility of subsequent children, I got the idea that things would be different this time. Of course, I really wanted specifics, and didn't particularly feel like I got any. The truth is, I am terrible with surprises. I am a bit of a control freak, and hate not knowing what is going on. Even if I can't change the outcome, or am perfectly happy with it, I still like to know all the details as soon as possible.

Back in September, one night once again I woke up with the same praises and thanks in my spirit as I had with each previous pregnancy. Of course I went and bought a test. Big fat negative. The feelings didn't go away, though. I finally said something to Carlos, and he said that he felt the same way. !!! Now, my imagination has been known to carry me away, but Carlos is extremely level, so this really caught my attention. I began to plan weekly outings for the kids to the dollar store so that I could buy cheap pregnancy tests. All negative. I didn't really buy them all up, I promise, but a couple of weeks later, both dollar stores in our area stopped carrying pregnancy tests. I waited as long as I could, then sprung for a three-pack at Target.

Now, I have seen dear friends struggle with infertility. We had three children very easily, and we hadn't been actively trying to conceive now. In fact, up until the night in September, I'd have told you that I'd be fine either way--another child would be welcomed, but if our family was already complete, that was fine, too. Yet with each negative test, my heart felt crushed and I would burst into tears. I felt guilty for being so sad when we had had it so easy.

Because of breastfeeding, my cycles typically don't start up again until about 15 months. Can I just say that having had a total of 5 or 6 periods since April of 2003 is a wonderful thing? Before, I had always had one or two cycles before getting pregnant again, so I decided to stop torturing myself with tests and wait until I had a period again. I got some dental work done, and tried to just be at peace.

Of course, having unused tests is almost as bad as having hidden chocolates in the house. I went a few weeks, but this last weekend decided to go ahead and test again. A bright, clear positive! My head spun for a couple of days. I took another test, just in case, and it was also an instant positive.

We are so, so happy! Even though the sequence of events was a bit different this time, it only increased our desire and love for this new little one.

We've definitely got some issues coming up--Carlos is already committed to taking students to Puerto Rico next summer, and we aren't sure of the due date (my LMP was in 2007) but suspect it is very close to the dates for the trip. Of course, even due dates aren't foolproof, so we'll just have to see. Did I mention how I feel about not knowing things?

We also have to find an OB...I guess. Our previous OB has retired, and so we are starting again. The problem this time is that I really want to be left alone. I want to be able to conduct my pregnancy, labor and birth without much intervention, and it is hard to know in advance how many OBs feel about various interventions. Frankly, I like the idea of homebirth. However, we would only pay a couple hundred dollars for a hospital birth, and Carlos isn't convinced that spending more money to give birth at home is a good idea. So we shall see. I am calling the insurance company today about a midwife of whom I've heard good things.

I am very happy, very tired, and very emotional, and feel much "more" pregnant than I typically do around this stage of pregnancy, or at least what I *think* is this stage of pregnancy. But while bobbing around in this ocean, I'm trying to just breathe and enjoy the ride with each wave. I suspect that a few more surprises may be in store. :)